Saturday, June 15, 2013


You are built not to shrink down to less, but to blossom into more.
                  - Oprah Winfrey

As I may have mentioned, I am working on my Associate in Science with a concentration in Psychology as well as a certificate in Substance Abuse Counseling. Part of the training in substance abuse requires an internship at a rehabilitation center. Yesterday, I had a big interview at the very center where I had gone for outpatient recovery. I got a lot out of the program, and thus, really wanted to do my internship there.

I was nervous when I left, but the interview went well....and I got the job! I'll be working part-time, 3 days a week, sitting in on group therapy sessions and assisting around the office. 

On the ride home, I began thinking about how far I have come. In spite of periodic set backs, I have quit drinking for 7.5 years, traveled through the grey veil of depression all the way to the black abyss, and lived to tell the tale. In fact, I have gotten better - not perfect, but better.

I realized too that it has all been for a purpose - that the journey I've taken, which formerly seemed senseless, has had a purpose and that purpose is manifesting itself now. I am beginning to "blossom into more" - into the part I was born to play.

If there is one thing I have learned it's this: never settle! Never, never, never, NEVER settle for less than you could be! If your life isn't working, find out why, and fix it - change it! You have the power and the resources within. We have all been born with that innate power to change - even if we are born with challenges like mental illness. If you are savvy enough to find and read this blog, you are savvy enough to find the resources you need to get help and to live the life you were born to live.

If you are not happy with your life, change it! Do it for yourself - do it for the rest of us. The world needs more people who are not willing to settle for less, but willing to blossom and realize their purpose.

PHTA on Facebook

Just wanted to let you all know that Pink Hi-Top Adventures now has a Facebook page - aptly called: Pink Hi-Top Adventures. Check it out and "Like" it if it!

I hope to soon figure out how to make a Facebook link appear somewhere over here 

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Contained Emotions

Sometimes {still} I feel like there is no way out. I have emotions inside. I have feelings. And when my feelings get hurt, I don’t know how to express them. In fact, I would rather die than have other people know that I am hurt by something someone did or said.

In class this week, our professor, who is also a practicing clinical psychologist, demonstrated different methods of psychological assessment. In one assessment, she asked us to draw a house, a tree, and a person – all on separate sheets of paper. She took them home and gave us back today an {unofficial} assessment. Here is my person and what she noted:

1. take life too seriously, 2. contained emotions, and 3. critical of self?

Note the tight lips - the hands tucked into pockets, out of sight - and the pockets underscored hard with the pencil.

Somehow, I have no qualms about sharing with the world {online and in 3-D life} about how I'm an alcoholic in recovery who has experienced anxiety disorder and major depression, but I would {almost literally} rather die than expose to another person that they have hurt my feelings. I just don't know if this is something I am going to be able to get over. 

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Taking Down the Weight

Weight issues (up or down) seem to be part of the whole depression thing; and it's no wonder. Exercise is a great way to lift mood. Unfortunately, overcoming inertia is the one thing required for exercising and the one thing a depressed person cannot seem to do. 

Proper nutrition too goes out the window when one is feeling low, and it's another important contributor to brain chemistry stabilization. But Lord knows, the last thing a depressed person does is eat a well-balanced, nutrient-rich diet.

Subsequently, since imploding last September, I have gained twenty-five plus pounds. Today it all came crashing down though. I had an important event to attend, and nothing - no exaggeration here - NOTHING fit me! Even the pants that I recently bought to accommodate the larger me didn't fit! The only clothes that fit me now are my jeans (barely!), my yoga pants, and my many pairs of elastic-waist pajama pants. 

In addition to walling myself in with clutter, like many depressed people, I seem to have walled myself in with fat. The lack of exercise and proper nutrition is holding me back from mental and physical wellness.

This is my goal for the coming week: I will incorporate exercise into my daily schedule and see what happens. I am also going to eat nutrient-dense, lean foods, and drink 8 glasses of water each day. 

Stay tuned! I'll be tracking my progress and set-backs right here on PHTA.