Saturday, October 4, 2014


Don't know why, but I've been having an awful lot of trouble getting out of bed in the mornings. I've had sinus problems this week, but I'm not sure that's the cause. 

Then this morning I woke up with a lot of anxiety. There's nothing going on that should cause such anxiety - except maybe the Washington Nationals playoff game today (ha ha). But right now, as I sit here, my stomach is in knots, as if I am about to undergo surgery or have to give an important presentation for which I'm unprepared.

I hate it! I can see how anxiety contributes to depression, because right now all I want to do is crawl right back into bed. The fear subsides when I'm asleep. Well, sort of. I've been having crazy, vivid dreams lately. Some are about flying in an airplane that's crashing; others are about elevators that either drop or do crazy things like going sideways or diagonally; and still others are about being at work (an admin job) and realizing that I've missed several days of work but forgot to call in, so I avoid seeing the boss.

I really wish I could get a handle on this! 

You know, maybe I should consult my KWRAP (pronouced 'Crap'!) {When I was in partial hospitalization, we had to do a Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP), and I added 'Karen's' to the title, thus, "KWRAP"!} This is the document that contains my action plan for what to do when I'm not well. I haven't consulted it in over a year, but perhaps this is the time.

Friday, October 3, 2014

New Hobby

The first playoff game for the Washington Nationals (against the San Francisco Giants) began minutes ago. I am on the edge of my seat and actually a little nervous! I love the Nats!
At a Nats game earlier in the season.

Not unusual for a seasoned sports fan, but very unusual for me. In fact, before the fall of 2012, when I entered recovery for depression and anxiety, I hated professional sports - baseball included. I thought it was a waste of time and money.

Then as the medication began to sink in, and with the help of therapy, I rekindled a love of baseball. It helped too that the Nats were doing well that season, but mostly it was because I was reconnecting to an old hobby.

I remember before I entered recovery, when I was depressed, my husband would suggest that I needed a hobby. He would ask me what I was interested in and I'd say, "Nothing." (Of course, before addiction recovery in 2005, I'd say, "Wine!") 

It is just amazing the things that come back to you - the things that bring you joy (and an upset stomach as I have now watching this game!) - when you crackle back to life after depression. 

And you know, hobbies keep you healthy too (assuming the Nats win ;) ). They get you actively engaged in life, in living, in feeling connected, and that's a very good thing!


What hobbies do you have? Why don't you spend some time on them this weekend!

Update: Game 2 - I'm there now!

Thursday, October 2, 2014

People-Pleasing No More!

As a result of social anxiety, I am a people-pleaser. I've been so for as long as I can remember. I'm terrified of going against the grain and speaking up if I have a differing opinion.

No more.

I just posted an article on Facebook that is not going to win me any friends in the DC area; in fact, I may even make some of them irate. But I've had enough of me just shutting up to keep the peace.while others share their opinions openly and freely.

I'm sitting here now all terrified of the fallout from my post and the comments that may ensue. But I have to stand in my own space and assert my right to speak freely, especially when I feel very strongly that something is wrong and unkind. My voice counts too! My opinions are worthy of consideration too!

Sorry for the cryptic blog. I don't want to discuss the topic in question here because it is off topic to this blog. However, anxiety is very much on topic; and today I took a small step to break the shell of anxiety which has paralyzed me for so long.