tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75194137082292555472024-03-14T00:00:21.918-04:00pink hi-top adventurespink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.comBlogger253125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-12402511376925853602020-08-13T15:29:00.004-04:002020-08-13T15:44:24.176-04:00Alcohol - How do I know if it's Substance Use Disorder vs. problem drinking?<span face="" style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif;"><i>In light of the recent article I shared on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Pink-Hi-Top-Adventures-411429458973219">Pink Hi-Top Adventures Facebook page</a>, I thought I'd repost (with very minor edits) this one - originally published back in 2013. Please note - as always - this is based on <u>my own personal experience</u>.</i></span><div><span face="" style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif;"><br /></span><span face="" style="color: #b4a7d6; font-family: times, "times new roman", serif;">-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br /><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm often asked how it was that I knew I was an alcoholic when I first quit drinking. After all, I wasn't exactly the image most people have in their heads when they think "addict". I wasn't an angry drunk - I never beat my children. I held down a job. I didn't drink early in the day or in the morning. I didn't drink in bars - didn't do "happy hour". I didn't hide my wine - in fact I reveled in the notion that I was a </span><i style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">connoisseur </i><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">{or so I fancied myself.}</span><br /><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBMXRQiKgDRTARlWT2_ygskMjU5lqGD1QYIm7QU4ZuX5OxGwFl5xTOFkJKQKhE-hspgWDAU9_hh8z8FPFhPSlHzm2SwY1uuRIOpvhMG58ZIOdTRlF5vdXi7qsp1-UuIeiFU63tOjv-bHgs/s1600/wine-o+001.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBMXRQiKgDRTARlWT2_ygskMjU5lqGD1QYIm7QU4ZuX5OxGwFl5xTOFkJKQKhE-hspgWDAU9_hh8z8FPFhPSlHzm2SwY1uuRIOpvhMG58ZIOdTRlF5vdXi7qsp1-UuIeiFU63tOjv-bHgs/s1600/wine-o+001.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Me with my Ex...and a <i>perm!</i> - hey, it was the mid-90s!</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">But I did spend my adult life trying to pound a square peg into a round hole. I wanted to drink as I pleased AND be a happy, healthy, fit, confident, successful woman...but it wasn't working. </span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">In my mid-30s, I began to see a therapist for panic attacks, anxiety, and low self-esteem. I thought I'd be able to root up some childhood trauma, hold it up to the light of reason, and watch my anxiety turn to dust like a vampire at dawn. Instead, I began the long journey of peeling away the layers to expose the diseases within. </span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Apparently, my therapist suspected a substance abuse problem early on. She challenged me on several occasions to forgo the drink, but I could never follow through with the commitment. In fact, though I heard her most of the time, I repressed her words almost instantly.</span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Finally, after failing yet another self-control challenge, I agreed to at least be evaluated by a substance abuse counselor. I thought I could finally put the discussion to rest, learn how to drink moderately, and continue my "hobby". </span><br /><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">The counselor asked several questions, and at the end of the evaluation, told me he thought I "could benefit from the program". I looked at him dumbfounded, so he handed me a sheet with the definitions of <i>abuser </i>vs. <i>addict </i>to see what I thought. {See bottom of post.} I was certain that I was an abuser and simply needed help getting back on track with "healthy drinking" - after all, wasn't I doing myself a favor in choosing red wine over beer? </span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">First, I read the traits of <i>abuse</i> and could relate to most. Then, I read through <i>addiction</i> and my world came crashing down. My eyes filled with unstoppable tears. The divorce proceedings had begun.</span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">In early outpatient treatment, much of my "work" was spent examining the evidence that I was not a normal drinker. Diagnosis buy-in {admitting I had a problem} was step one.</span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Over the next few weeks, the evidence mounted. I'll share with you some of what I revealed to myself - in no particular order. </span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>I knew I was an alcoholic, because: </i></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><ul><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I felt uncomfortable, nay, <i>damn irritable</i> at parties, weddings, or other events at which no alcohol was served; and I would limit time spent there.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">And if I knew in advance that alcohol was not on the menu at the occasion, I would drink before and after.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I drank everyday - my <i>dose</i> was 1 - 3 glasses of red wine.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">At <i>special occasions</i> {i.e., parties, weddings, funerals, holidays, Fridays, Saturdays...} I drank as much as I pleased. </span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I could almost always drink more than any other {non-alcoholic} woman - and many men - the latter, a point in which I took great pride.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I felt uncomfortable and cranky almost nightly when my husband wouldn't have a drink with me at dinner.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">If given the choice of food or wine at a party, I chose wine first.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I could never understand how some people can have just 1 or 2 drinks or leave behind a half-full glass. It made me uncomfortable and gnawed at my core.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">If my husband or I went out to dinner and the place we chose had no alcohol on the menu, I would be irritable and bitch about finding another restaurant.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">My dresser and night stand were littered with wine glasses almost all the time.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTuX7BDASNmVWKD9qiTi36wxevXkXXP9ju9HqLwhMY6uedeSU9uzNnsRDNhRzY9Evz3Ie0BtlPGndGw09laK_ZPZsxkGHrUDqDMZEcf4j0Ub8N0NfQVHAf6KcEvFL0-sMxSEgi3S0uoRlr/s1600/Photo+by+Jenny+Ondioline.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTuX7BDASNmVWKD9qiTi36wxevXkXXP9ju9HqLwhMY6uedeSU9uzNnsRDNhRzY9Evz3Ie0BtlPGndGw09laK_ZPZsxkGHrUDqDMZEcf4j0Ub8N0NfQVHAf6KcEvFL0-sMxSEgi3S0uoRlr/s1600/Photo+by+Jenny+Ondioline.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="MsoSubtleEmphasis">©Jenny Ondioline<o:p></o:p></span></div></td></tr></tbody></table></span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">My kitchen decor was a grapes / wine motif. </span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">If I thought, for example, that a piece of chicken I ate was a little too pink inside, I would take a shot of Stoli {vodka} that I kept in the freezer - to kill any salmonella bacteria I may have ingested, of course! [When I shared this in group, my counselor told me he had never in all his years heard this one before!]</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">If the weather forecast called for a possible hurricane or snowstorm, the first mental planning I did was an assessment of how much wine I had left, and how much I should pick up - forget the bread, milk, eggs, bottled water, and batteries that everyone else foolishly stocked up on!</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Every day on my ride home, my thoughts would turn to how much wine I had in the house, and whether or not I needed to pick up any.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Once, we were invited to the wedding of a good friend; and it was held at a vineyard. Since it was a weekend wedding extravaganza, we rented a house with our other friends who drank as well. So...I brought from home five bottles of pricey red wine to have on hand...just in case, you know. I kept my stash in the car, however, since it was back-up. Just in case I ran out of booze...at a vineyard.</span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I had rules around my drinking, e.g., "I don't drink before the evening", "I only drink 1 - 3 glasses on week nights", "I only {mostly} drink red wine - it is healthy for the heart and prevents cancer", "I don't hang out in bars, unless it's a special occasion", "I don't drink and drive" {unless I have to...}, "I don't drink hard liquor" {unless I ate under-cooked meat, or unless there's nothing else to drink!}, "I don't hide my wine - only alcoholics hide their booze. <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Please note -<span style="color: magenta;"> normal drinkers <i>do not need rules.</i></span></span></b></span></li><li><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I always thought, "I'm not an alcoholic...I'm not like <i>them</i>...I can control my drinking"...yet I never really could. Every time I started a health / fitness program and challenged myself to forgo booze until the weekend, I could not do it. Here are three separate days in a row from my 2005 fitness log: </span></li></ul><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYYjcLGU2z33XLpKjAP5NllxgI9y6UqXvhcPdRDL4XpwtzVB56CqUeJcZ4uzrfbxsu812HIzWQFJLeI53T0A2rD6nEZFWH-ugQVz1LHyoXs9BPzERBgnLHcvttwnqqSElBoRdaU7mOag5j/s1600/goal+3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYYjcLGU2z33XLpKjAP5NllxgI9y6UqXvhcPdRDL4XpwtzVB56CqUeJcZ4uzrfbxsu812HIzWQFJLeI53T0A2rD6nEZFWH-ugQVz1LHyoXs9BPzERBgnLHcvttwnqqSElBoRdaU7mOag5j/s1600/goal+3.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3YicB0_lO7rSa_O_IZOCp37o45rFpnNuxSLZTpTJ4nj2u6s_gnkvyx8WhtRZYVUSz5g9I9LIzsez6W83dElq0ZhERLEY4Gs2OQRlzHBhwWatXmh4_-xX8XfG5JpBld1HqIWCOGl9OYK4U/s1600/goal2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="112" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3YicB0_lO7rSa_O_IZOCp37o45rFpnNuxSLZTpTJ4nj2u6s_gnkvyx8WhtRZYVUSz5g9I9LIzsez6W83dElq0ZhERLEY4Gs2OQRlzHBhwWatXmh4_-xX8XfG5JpBld1HqIWCOGl9OYK4U/s1600/goal2.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidIm4f-k6o5U1DEKLFL367LeoKclRBXbeO3Dgm2DCYmM1OygpRDAKl9PkSn6eOwRI5-YqohWuM07XsCQSUoM5jLsVIhigGexfRNDBo_rWhikgVPUSDHDqhzFiSd0O25weyxsLFgoaWC_-i/s1600/goal+1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidIm4f-k6o5U1DEKLFL367LeoKclRBXbeO3Dgm2DCYmM1OygpRDAKl9PkSn6eOwRI5-YqohWuM07XsCQSUoM5jLsVIhigGexfRNDBo_rWhikgVPUSDHDqhzFiSd0O25weyxsLFgoaWC_-i/s1600/goal+1.jpg" width="320" /></a> </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I am very grateful to be 15 years sober on November 18, 2020. It was only through quitting drinking that I was able to heal my body and begin the long, long process of healing my mind and soul as well.</span><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span face="" style="color: magenta; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Chemical addiction does not go away without help, and will leave you empty, lonely, very sick, mentally ill, incarcerated, and / or dead. Please think about this - especiallyif you can relate to any of what I wrote. Seek assistance from a therapist or counselor. I promise that it is brighter on the other side - and waaaay more fun!!!</i></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span face="" style="color: #b4a7d6; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">*Handouts from that first recovery center interview - taken from the <i>Diagnostic & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders</i>, 4th Ed. Copyright 1994, American Psychiatric Association:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgylK05LQsUzKEu-pbRJG21D30ktnB73M6WRd7euA3V17u3u_XxAtwEw9knUHnOmsx2CvYbTekm4nBQqq6EjTUV-OWOTfWfu6Io4IXRC341sOqjN5AUrcVTeKzgQ4GKl_0vG4XEGzoALxtn/s1600/Substance+Abuse+001.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgylK05LQsUzKEu-pbRJG21D30ktnB73M6WRd7euA3V17u3u_XxAtwEw9knUHnOmsx2CvYbTekm4nBQqq6EjTUV-OWOTfWfu6Io4IXRC341sOqjN5AUrcVTeKzgQ4GKl_0vG4XEGzoALxtn/s1600/Substance+Abuse+001.jpg" width="391" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5JiKqyK6kc6lhWNSE2bDz8rTjqYTQQKi1Cxr2Anp0ZRD0CI4i7fxOaIKkPF1qG5LMvyhk90ZMRWVe_AhfwIUOxhH-xOAnkQ-54LwUJNlBN_TlzbH-DrCQCPr8Sf85Jnu5rk9p7eo2f4ma/s1600/Dependence.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5JiKqyK6kc6lhWNSE2bDz8rTjqYTQQKi1Cxr2Anp0ZRD0CI4i7fxOaIKkPF1qG5LMvyhk90ZMRWVe_AhfwIUOxhH-xOAnkQ-54LwUJNlBN_TlzbH-DrCQCPr8Sf85Jnu5rk9p7eo2f4ma/s1600/Dependence.jpg" width="300" /></a></div><div><span face="" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div></div><div><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="background-color: black;"><br /></span></div><p><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">*UPDATE: The above sheets are a good overview of addiction symptoms vs. abuse symptoms; howeveer, keep in mind they are older diagnostic sheets; the DSM-V (the </span><i style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders</i><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> {5th revision} of the American Psychiatric Association) has since categorize symptoms and diagnosis a little differently.</span> </p></div>pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-86040166866623041542020-07-23T00:36:00.001-04:002020-07-23T00:41:56.746-04:00The Ring of Fire - REPOST (from 9/2015)<div style="text-align: center;">
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<i>NOTE: This is a repost from September 2015. I updated some of the resources listed and added a few new ones. Reading back over it now...if I only knew what lay ahead. The journey was nothing like that which I imagined - certainly not any better - and I am forever grateful to the Fellowship of friends and family that made the journey with me, baring the ring together.</i></div>
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<i>- Karen, 7/22/2020</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I love </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Lord of the Rings</i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> - this movie and its </span><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lord_of_the_Rings_(film_series)" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">trilogy</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">; and I'm currently drawing on this particular scene (esp. first minute) for strength and courage. </span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: center;"><a href="http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/One_Ring"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/One_Ring</span></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You see, like Frodo, I've been sent on a personal quest to carry my own ring, bear its increasing weight, and cast it once and for all into the fires of <a href="http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/Mount_Doom">Mount Doom</a>. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixJKbXR-M9sRlco4tl3sc_mxmNcuoN3mWDU_P5Zaf6uBB59-kCI1IakQ5TnckYTUPCUrd84TPKhZLCfhV8lAMVLytLj4c1lfGbHpWxyUCTFOTxrPdZdi_v3qzKdLDV3-0AB2WO6Ioshz_f/s1600/orc.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixJKbXR-M9sRlco4tl3sc_mxmNcuoN3mWDU_P5Zaf6uBB59-kCI1IakQ5TnckYTUPCUrd84TPKhZLCfhV8lAMVLytLj4c1lfGbHpWxyUCTFOTxrPdZdi_v3qzKdLDV3-0AB2WO6Ioshz_f/s200/orc.gif" width="200" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Life is like that. There comes a time in all our lives when we are called upon to take up our own cross, bear its weight, and complete our quest. We never ask for it, and we are free to choose to accept it or to walk away. Either way, there is a price to pay; but one choice leads to strength, growth, love, and peace, and the other to weakness, fear, loneliness, and a nagging feeling of what could have been. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Bear in mind, the journey is never an easy one. It's always fraught with this world's dragons, orcs, and wraiths. So how do we make it? How to we do it alone?</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaQvQSvdpT8BPX5v8XxRtFTarnDIqVuBm-Xv0X3LzrvYyg-PocsWojAiybOPv90uWqCJKOG1UvYp_SR7WEzHot1pfgCI37T_9Fl_qVjxlnnzbIj-JsvB6cv58SNDhPJrgFOmr9zQzRZkdu/s1600/fellowship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaQvQSvdpT8BPX5v8XxRtFTarnDIqVuBm-Xv0X3LzrvYyg-PocsWojAiybOPv90uWqCJKOG1UvYp_SR7WEzHot1pfgCI37T_9Fl_qVjxlnnzbIj-JsvB6cv58SNDhPJrgFOmr9zQzRZkdu/s320/fellowship.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We don't.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We must create our own fellowship: friends, family, support groups, therapists, etc., who will walk with us along the way. There is strength in numbers.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We also need to recharge every now and then, for such a journey requires as much energy, strength, and focus as we can muster up. We all know how to do this - take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually. But that's easier said than done. When faced with such challenges, we often feel we need to focus all of our time and effort on completing the quest. We think we cannot afford the time, but the truth is, if we don't stop along the way to replenish ourselves, we will inevitably fail.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Here are only</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> a few of the many, many resources out there that may help in your own quest:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;">------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>FELLOWSHIP</b></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Addiction:</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://al-anon.org/?gclid=CIi--vjNksgCFYiQHwodMp8FAA">Al-Anon/Alateen Family Groups</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><a href="http://www.aa.org/"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Alcoholics Anonymous</span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><a href="http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Gamblers Anonymous</span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.na.org/">Narcotics Anonymous</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://saa-recovery.org/">Sex Addicts Anonymous</a></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">SAMHSA - </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day/year treatment referral and information service (English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.</span><br />
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<a href="https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">SAMHSA - Treatment Services Locator</a><br />
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<b style="color: magenta; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></b><b style="color: magenta; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>Cancer:</i></b><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/">Cancer Support Community</a></span><br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.cancer.org/">American Cancer Society</a></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.abta.org/">American Brain Tumor Association</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Caregiving:</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/">AARP Caregiving Resource Center</a></span><br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><a href="http://www.cancer.org/treatment/caregivers/copingasacaregiver/"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">American Cancer Society</span></a></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Grief and Loss:</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The </span><a href="http://hospicefoundation.org/End-of-Life-Support-and-Resources/Grief-Support/Support-Groups" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hospice Foundation of America</a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> from which these links come:</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.compassionatefriends.org/" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 17.94px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;">The Compassionate Friends</a><span style="line-height: 17.94px;"> Support after the death of a child</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.aarp.org/home-family/caregiving/grief-and-loss/" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 17.94px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;">AARP Grief and Loss Resources</a><span style="line-height: 17.94px;"> Support after the death of a senior</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.nationalwidowers.org/" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 17.94px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;">National Widower’s Organization</a><span style="line-height: 17.94px;"> Support for men grieving a loss</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.afsp.org/" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 17.94px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;">American Foundation for Suicide Prevention</a><span style="line-height: 17.94px;"> Support for suicide survivors</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.griefnet.org/" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 17.94px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;">Griefnet.org</a><span style="line-height: 17.94px;"> Support for adults grieving a loss</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.94px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial;"><a href="http://www.hellogrief.org/" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 17.94px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;"></a></span><a href="http://www.hellogrief.org/" style="cursor: pointer; line-height: 17.94px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration-line: none;">Hellogrief.org</a><span style="line-height: 17.94px;"> Support for adults and kids grieving a loss</span></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Wise Old Sayings, "<a href="http://www.wiseoldsayings.com/grieving-support-guide/">Ultimate Guide to Grieving Support Resources</a>" </span></div>
<span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> [Thank you Jacqueline T. - took a few years, but I <i>finally </i>added this great resource! ;) ]</span><br />
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Mental Illness:</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.adaa.org/supportgroups">Anxiety and Depression Association of America</a></span><br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><br /></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=peer_support_group_locator">Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA)</a></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><br /></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI">National Alliance for the Mentall Ill</a></span><br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">SAMHSA - </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day/year treatment referral and information service (English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<a href="https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov/" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">SAMHSA - Treatment Services Locator</a><br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><a href="http://schizophrenia.com/coping.html"><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">schizophrenia.com</span></a><br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/treatment/cope/peer_support_groups.asp">US Department of Veterans Affairs: PTSD Support Groups</a></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Suicide and Crisis Lifelines:</i></b></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;"><a href="http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/">National Suicide Hotline</a>:</span> chat online or call 24/7: </span><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">1-800-273-8255</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.crisistextline.org/get-help-now/">Crisis Text Line</a>: </span><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="color: red; line-height: 1.25; text-align: center; text-transform: uppercase;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">TEXT “HOME” TO 741-741</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>OTHER SELF-CARE</b></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As you may well know, I have blogged endlessly about this topic - if only to drive it into my thick head. </span><br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This is my favorite spiritual well: <a href="http://www.sacredspace.ie/">Sacred Space</a></span><br />
<span style="color: #8e7cc3; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #8e7cc3;">Here are blog posts I've done on</span> <b><span style="color: magenta;">"Wellness"</span></b>:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2015/04/renew-and-refresh.html">Renew and Refresh</a> </i>(4/5/15)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2014/10/new-hobby.html">New Hobby</a> </i>(10/3/14)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2014/06/cbt.html">CBT</a> </i>(6/29/14)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2014/05/physical-wellness-getting-back-on-track.html">Physical Wellness - Getting Back on Track</a> </i>(5/3/14)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2014/03/pet-therapy.html">Pet Therapy</a> </i>(3/24/14)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2014/03/coming-out.html">Coming Out!</a> </i>(3/14/14)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>The 7 Habits of Mental Wellness </i>(about Stephen Covey's, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People):</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> - <a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2014/01/the-7-habits-of-mental-wellness.html">Introduction to</a> (1/25/14)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> - <a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-7-habits-of-mental-wellness-habit-1.html">Habit 1: Be Proactive</a> (2/2/14)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> - <a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-7-habits-of-mental-wellness-habit-2.html">Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind</a> (2/12/14)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> - <a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2014/06/the-7-habits-of-mental-wellness-habit-3.html">Habit 3: Put First Things First</a> (6/23/14)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Trip to Roanoke, Virginia:</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i> - </i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/10/rain-clouds.html">Rain Clouds</a> (10/12/13)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> - <a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/10/roanoke.html">Roanoke</a> (10/12/13)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> - <a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/10/heading-home.html">Heading Home</a> (10/14/13)</span><br />
<i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/02/never-underestimate-your-own-power.html" target="_blank">Never underestimate your own power!</a> </i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(2/26/13)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/03/acceptance.html" target="_blank">Acceptance</a> </i>(3/1/13)</span><br />
<i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/03/recovery-step-2-sleep.html" target="_blank">Recovery step #2: sleep, damn it!</a> </i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(3/5/13)</span><br />
<i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/03/rebirth.html" target="_blank">Rebirth</a> </i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(3/30/13)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013_04_21_archive.html" target="_blank">Wellness part I: physical</a> </i>(4/26/13)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/06/change-is-possible-part-ii.html">Change is possible part II</a> </i>(6/27/13)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/08/hello-dear-reader-no-im-not-high-on.html">Seven steps to mental health</a> </i>(8/2/13)</span><br />
<i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/08/take-me-out-to-ball-game.html">Take me out to the ballgame!</a> </i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(8/12/13)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/08/climbing-back-up.html">Climbing back up</a> </i>(8/18/13)</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #674ea7;">------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #674ea7;"><br /></span></b></span><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I have only scratched the surface here of all the resources available out there. A quick search of <a href="http://google.com/">Google.com</a> or your favorite search engine is a great place to start!</i></span><br />
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-29908339876794317502020-06-26T13:52:00.000-04:002020-06-26T13:52:40.013-04:00Change Starts with Me<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Long time, no write, I know...I know; so I thought I'd pop on for a quick update. </span><br /><br /><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggAy-sQyEyXOsKQB8dhyphenhyphenb85NzfGB3G-B781SPOWJfINR6hGZYFXEOekxmPXVX7w-akK-K5kDUY01MzxhqucttWJQHiJ94BaRH8vDKQP163hm-AlrH4UV80avhbD-PsxY5al4AVdH2T1B53/s1600/reno.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: left;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggAy-sQyEyXOsKQB8dhyphenhyphenb85NzfGB3G-B781SPOWJfINR6hGZYFXEOekxmPXVX7w-akK-K5kDUY01MzxhqucttWJQHiJ94BaRH8vDKQP163hm-AlrH4UV80avhbD-PsxY5al4AVdH2T1B53/s320/reno.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;">Reno, Nevada, January 2020</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2020 has indeed been an unusual year thus far. As tumultuous as it has been though, I think I'm </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">actually hopeful</i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> that, as my former boss put it, "2020 will be the year of perfect vision!" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Amidst the COVID-19 pandemic and social justice demonstrations around the country and world, my family has been in a huge state of transition as well. We just sold the house in which we've lived and raised our children for the past 21 years, and are now preparing to move all the way across the country in a week and a half. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This upcoming relocation, coupled with spending the past few months hunkered down in quarantine, avidly following the Black Lives Matter movement, has been the catalyst for self-reflection on a very profound level.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJBX0RbQZbMt-Vns-g0MLCau_dBJkGrfT0mML3DVhRBHLzkjXDqVlo6p-9Dj0FYqB2ClaOU6OqN3Urkl7MPMQ2lyDN9jbSOPHdDcl0vOwgOcMB2F5MR5-CPb0-3SRy0Eydho7R9kWXyahF/s1600/IMG_0156.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJBX0RbQZbMt-Vns-g0MLCau_dBJkGrfT0mML3DVhRBHLzkjXDqVlo6p-9Dj0FYqB2ClaOU6OqN3Urkl7MPMQ2lyDN9jbSOPHdDcl0vOwgOcMB2F5MR5-CPb0-3SRy0Eydho7R9kWXyahF/s320/IMG_0156.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">Lake Tahoe Nevada State Park, Jan. 2020</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Launched from my own recovery, Pink Hi-Top Adventures has been my ongoing tool for healing which I hoped might also help (or at least entertain) others along the way. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But deeply reflecting on social justice and how I may have at times complacently accepted "the unfortunate way things are", has been energizing. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I want my life, my actions, and my words to reflect that which I claim to espouse. So, as one chapter closes and another begins, I think it is a good time to revisit Pink Hi-Top Adventures. What precisely that means, I don't know yet, but I do know that I want to focus more on the "Adventures" part of wellness, living my values, social justice in mental health, and lifting others up with me along the way. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh, also, I've been working on putting Pink Hi-Top Adventures on a site of its own; but this, dear friends, is a slow process, I'm afraid. I find it much easier to write than to set up a website, but stay tuned!!</span><br />
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-87281163948165429532020-04-30T23:16:00.000-04:002020-06-26T14:54:15.825-04:00<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><a href="https://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2020/04/music-and-psyche-ten-albums.html">[Post 6 of 10]</a></span><br />
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<b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Album 6: U2's <i>Unforgettable Fire</i></b><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvcYFThtVlNZGmyIBmcDHIv76zP00DehT05CkHwP_MNNmTsJfV2FAyDl1nRdsHV9QvwufcivBHzi9KBccCltYixPvxZcbplX41NXoiHr3hgjoKakiemxehN9bwcbSwYkmjdzbOp_7_wlX1/s1600/unforgettable+fire.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="292" data-original-width="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvcYFThtVlNZGmyIBmcDHIv76zP00DehT05CkHwP_MNNmTsJfV2FAyDl1nRdsHV9QvwufcivBHzi9KBccCltYixPvxZcbplX41NXoiHr3hgjoKakiemxehN9bwcbSwYkmjdzbOp_7_wlX1/s1600/unforgettable+fire.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">Island Records, 1984</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This album came out the month I turned 18. Having just gone away to college in another state, another identity shift was beginning and music once again played a huge role.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This album spoke not only to my progressive rock heart, but struck a chord on a much deeper level. Unlike the vast majority of 80s pop music, which for the most part revolted me at this stage, U2 was a band with a calling - a passion - a "Mission from God", to quote the Blues Brothers. Outrageously popular as they were, though, they sang about injustice and "The Troubles" of Ireland (Boy, War, & Unforgettable Fire in particular) and even dared to sing about spirituality...and <i>God</i> (October). These were songs that wildly inspired me - that on a subconscious level challenged me to align my life and career choices with eternal principles, and that has always stuck.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now I KNOW I am breaking ranks here, but this album is where the love affair began and ended. As soon as they started to explore America, in <i>Joshua Tree</i> and <i>Rattle and Hum</i>, I was out. After all, what attracted me to them in the first place was music that sparked genetic memory in my Irish American soul - not music about the heart of America.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have since enjoyed tunes from these and other albums of theirs, but nothing quite sticks with me like songs from their early years!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMBgXVLOqn6ZcC7Rds5R2plMMzrqMGY-YlnmxWCxeD_heQp7ovglpcOTWOnsWS49w5FHMyq4D3x7Kh9zNz-V1e1ehVXMCTyzQUMG9l1U_7GvDX33Avc4-gIJe6z9gKjFuJyMp994aeZpre/s1600/u2-unfrgettable+poster+from+dorm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="360" data-original-width="605" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjMBgXVLOqn6ZcC7Rds5R2plMMzrqMGY-YlnmxWCxeD_heQp7ovglpcOTWOnsWS49w5FHMyq4D3x7Kh9zNz-V1e1ehVXMCTyzQUMG9l1U_7GvDX33Avc4-gIJe6z9gKjFuJyMp994aeZpre/s320/u2-unfrgettable+poster+from+dorm.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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[UPDATE: 6/26/20 - Boy do I stink at following through on challenges like this! Just saw this now and realize that my short attention span ended with album 6. Maybe in a future writer's block I'll pick-up with 7. ;) ]<br />
<br />pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-31505142947023281922020-04-27T19:59:00.000-04:002020-04-27T19:59:04.425-04:00<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><a href="https://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2020/04/music-and-psyche-ten-albums.html">[Post 5 of 10]</a></span><br />
<b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></b><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Album 5: </b><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i>shake it up</i> by the Cars</span></b></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh03VhSvKPcRunw-MCLkR1Uj221PmM2MyRPRdKxezYes0va9kihM0aOoPG4xzkY29AIcxmOYUn7K-q0P9dZiwkpTfN9k9SyLeg2BrTtOW6-A7zo16fpj3fZ1gJsLoVYR64QMF8fQoCTbPjG/s1600/shake+it+up2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1199" data-original-width="1198" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh03VhSvKPcRunw-MCLkR1Uj221PmM2MyRPRdKxezYes0va9kihM0aOoPG4xzkY29AIcxmOYUn7K-q0P9dZiwkpTfN9k9SyLeg2BrTtOW6-A7zo16fpj3fZ1gJsLoVYR64QMF8fQoCTbPjG/s320/shake+it+up2.jpg" width="319" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Elektra Records, 1981</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Cars were my <i>favorite band </i>in high school from the time I first heard them on the radio, so I can't say that <i>shake it up </i></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">in particular was THE one album that was so influential in my life. Rather, it was the band itself.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The Cars framed my high school experience. Released in my sophomore year, this was the first album of theirs that I owned. And the first live concert that I ever attended was the Cars' <i>Heartbeat City Tour</i>, the summer after graduating, July 1984, Merriweather Post Pavillion, Columbia, Maryland.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Again their music was fun and quirky and reflective of my adolescent soul. Don't have much more to expound upon, but it comes down to this:</span><br />
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: x-large;">the CARS = HIGH SCHOOL</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">at least for me. And you know, I still adore them to this day!</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzkEGM_Kt_5xkv1rLDciw9a9dGFcPUtewaEPpqorH1zvepNXNP4h56Fj3xU8sr_5J2r04Cnr9xkwMk8PXBNahgFKtmjjqNQSPlSeYybBIyFzY0lXCUgKhW9x1KxIUgAhornftk13_Om1Ly/s1600/the+cars2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1101" data-original-width="1102" height="319" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzkEGM_Kt_5xkv1rLDciw9a9dGFcPUtewaEPpqorH1zvepNXNP4h56Fj3xU8sr_5J2r04Cnr9xkwMk8PXBNahgFKtmjjqNQSPlSeYybBIyFzY0lXCUgKhW9x1KxIUgAhornftk13_Om1Ly/s320/the+cars2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">"The Cars" album, Elektra Records, 1978</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJBrgnzWMIYEl0KnzC8ilEQQPCM_LeTin9GQ8mWyyGQF_c7QUzUggOwjKliEcuX2Rrpl0KezzE2Ge5xCWk8eEwwFCvq074tstAeqCSVXVhyhKU08dVps-UOUBaV8JV2bCFok8-diWaS2YC/s1600/hbc2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1534" data-original-width="1534" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJBrgnzWMIYEl0KnzC8ilEQQPCM_LeTin9GQ8mWyyGQF_c7QUzUggOwjKliEcuX2Rrpl0KezzE2Ge5xCWk8eEwwFCvq074tstAeqCSVXVhyhKU08dVps-UOUBaV8JV2bCFok8-diWaS2YC/s320/hbc2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">"Heartbeat City" album, Elektra Records, 1984</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-39522870044290959432020-04-22T23:51:00.002-04:002020-04-22T23:51:37.649-04:00<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><a href="https://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2020/04/music-and-psyche-ten-albums.html">[Post 4 of 10]</a></span><br />
<b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></b><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Album 4: </b><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">AC/DC's <i>Back in Black</i></span></b></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDtE6Ey-scqn_oInqqPjzAHcdwddaIsftCQP7yAsNN8uQ-72aihxFfXn-WWmfv11LZC53N2KXLywqvclmuseANu8R_GQ3wd3DcibG4NBSOSslYOjiZQTluNYJ2qj2P5up3rB772go1GL_5/s1600/ac-dc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1373" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDtE6Ey-scqn_oInqqPjzAHcdwddaIsftCQP7yAsNN8uQ-72aihxFfXn-WWmfv11LZC53N2KXLywqvclmuseANu8R_GQ3wd3DcibG4NBSOSslYOjiZQTluNYJ2qj2P5up3rB772go1GL_5/s320/ac-dc.jpg" width="274" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Atlantic Records, 1980</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The album opens with a lone church bell: DONGGG - DONGGG - DONGGG - DONGGG...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> then a guitar from the right...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> ...and soon rhythm guitar, drums on the left...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This was not just music that differed from that of grown ups or music that spoke to the quirky "Me". This album was an inside secret with my brothers, featuring lyrics I knew I should probably keep on the down-low in the presence of grown ups. <i>This </i>was naughty!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">From <i>Hells Bells</i> to <i>Rock and Roll Ain't Noise Pollution</i> it wasn't just the forbidden lyrics, though, that spoke to me. It was those guitars rushing back and forth, right to left through headphones, Brian Johnson screeching out the lyrics, and drums like canon blasts - and, of course Angus Young's guitar solos. (<i>Who doesn't love a grown man playing lead guitar in schoolboy nickers, jacket, and tie!</i>) This was music that penetrated every fiber of my body - the louder the better. [Note to the Parents Music Resource Center: I am happy to report, I did not once then, or at anytime since, worship Satan or any of his minions.]</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Though admittedly I am no expert in the psychological influence of music on the developing minds of adolescents and children, it didn't seem to have any kind of negative effect on the overall trajectory of my soul. In fact, it was at times a cathartic way of expressing my teen angst and age-appropriate rebellion against authority as I stretched my <s><span style="line-height: 107%;">bat</span></s><span style="line-height: 107%;"> wings. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On the other hand, as I stated in my previous posts, music did play a big role in my emerging self-identify. Actually, my favorite guitar solo and song crescendo of the album can be found in the song <i>Have a Drink on Me</i>, blasting in my headphones now as I write. I became an alcoholic. So, did this song, album, or the band itself <i>cause </i>that? I don't think so...at least, I'm pretty sure not. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Humans are very complex beings. Who can say of all the tiles that go into our self mosaic which will be the piece to tip the table? I don't know. One thing I do know for sure, however, is that every child deserves the basics: safety, security, and the nurturing of their bodies, minds, and spirits. And if they do not naturally receive this in their own family/home setting, they deserve a community that will embrace them and be there to help at any point along the way. (A whole other blog post for the future...) This, more than anything, will determine the adults they eventually become. </span><br />
pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-52011025980441828072020-04-21T21:14:00.003-04:002020-04-21T21:14:41.844-04:00<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">[Post 3 of 10]</span><br />
<b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><br /></b><span style="font-size: large;"><b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Album 3: </b><b><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">New York · London · Paris · Munich</span></b><b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">, by M</b></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCBlKaBc-RURl0JSFOkdUyKsugjB5eS01V8gDf0hEb_Fo0_ol6ktFxNnk2bj8ixGhkKKlQ5xVMMVw_lrhQbFMZ5egh7BWxvSCI5YAtp_UNPgdFbmvVtv6Cpyg6qKV1LjSYFKJQqf-8WCmm/s1600/m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1584" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCBlKaBc-RURl0JSFOkdUyKsugjB5eS01V8gDf0hEb_Fo0_ol6ktFxNnk2bj8ixGhkKKlQ5xVMMVw_lrhQbFMZ5egh7BWxvSCI5YAtp_UNPgdFbmvVtv6Cpyg6qKV1LjSYFKJQqf-8WCmm/s320/m.jpg" width="316" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;">Sire Records, 1979</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If the <i>Saturday Night Fever </i>soundtrack album was the first time I identified with music outside of my parents' taste, t</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">his album </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was the first time I experienced music that really reflected "Me". </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Still that disco beat, but q</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">uirky, fun, Euro-dance, electronica.* </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This album features the Billboard hit song, </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pop Muzik. </i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Adolescence is a tumultuous stage of development to be sure. Ultimately, though, it is a time of self-discovery; and music can play a key role. Not only can we distinguish ourselves from previous generations, but we distinguish ourselves from each other with the music that speaks to us individually.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>And that's kinda cool! </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't listen to it often enough, but it remains one of my all time favorites!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">*<i>...my own, non-musician terminology</i> ;)</span><br />
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<br />pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-73058607100495436072020-04-20T18:33:00.000-04:002020-04-20T18:33:01.026-04:00<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><a href="https://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2020/04/music-and-psyche-ten-albums.html">[Post 2 of 10]</a></span><br />
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<b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Album 2: Saturday Night Fever (by various artists)</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Picture it. Springfield. 1978. Me, sitting on the edge of my parent's bed, turning the dial on my dad's clock radio back and forth until suddenly...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Emerging from the crackling waves, a disco beat...nn-ttsss </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nn-ttsss </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nn-ttsss </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nn-ttsss </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nn-ttsss...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then at 20 seconds...BAM! The falsetto proclamation from angels on high:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>"Listen to the ground</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>There is movement all around</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>There is something goin' down</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>And I can feel it</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>On the waves of the air</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>There is dancin' out there</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>If it's somethin' we can share</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>We can steal it..."</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Goose bumps. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Bestill my pounding tween heart, <i>WHAT </i><u>IS</u> <i>THIS?!</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The <i>Saturday Night Fever </i>sound track album, actually, this particular song, <i>Night Fever</i>, by the Bee Gees, stands out as the first time I can recall in my life having had such a visceral reaction to music. Okay, I know. Joe Morello, (see yesterday's post), <i>other </i>than that, I mean. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It also marks the first time that there was something called, "My Music" - as opposed to "My Parent's Music" or "My Carpool Mom's Music". This was the first crack in childhood, my adolescent identity dancing now just beneath the surface; and by God, I liked it! (Crikey, getting chills right now just thinking about it!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This memory underscores the power of music. The right song at the right time is electric! It has the ability to pierce your walls and hit straight to your core with a magic that is transcendent. It can draw out dormant emotions or aspects of your personality that don't exist in the world of spoken language alone and let this part of your soul fly! (</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Wow, just realizing that this is a wellness tool seriously missing from my daily life, and I intend to sow it back in.)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Occasionally these days, I do come back to this album. It's great to cook to and for dancing around the house while cleaning. <i>Aaaanndd - </i>in an emergency, it can even help you perform CPR properly if you do chest compressions while singing the refrain from </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Stayin' Alive! </i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(<a href="https://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/cardiac-arrest/cardiac-arrest-tools--resources/helping-people-stay-alive-is-easy-with-handsonly-cpr">See the American Heart Association</a> for guidance and training.)</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">RSO Records, 1977</td></tr>
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<i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></i>pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-68321721827733949102020-04-19T16:19:00.000-04:002020-04-20T16:21:21.980-04:00Music and the Psyche: Ten Albums <span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">My husband just tagged me in a fun little Facebook challenge. Perhaps you've heard of it - <i>Name 10 albums that have influenced your musical taste and had an impact on your life. One album per day for 10 days. No explanations, no reviews, just the cover art.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">Sounds like fun, sure, but wait a minute - <i>NO EXPLANATIONS?! </i>You can't ask a blogger to just drop an album cover pic and scroll on my merry way.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">No, dear friends! So for the next 10 days, I'm going to complete the challenge in Facebook, and then share the magic from the music with you here. Also, for good measure, I've decided to list them in chronological order of when I first encountered them along life's journey. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">So, without further ado, I give you, <i>Music and the Psyche: Ten Albums.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Album 1: The Dave Brubeck Quartet's, <i>Time Out</i></b></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">Columbia Records, 1959</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />This first album differs from all the others on my list in that it was a musical seed that didn't germinate until well into adulthood. My dad has always been a fan of "West Coast Jazz", so I'd heard Brubeck in our home since the day I was born - <i>before</i> I was born, in fact. About a month before I was due, Dad took Mom to a Brubeck concert, and as the story goes, I "kicked wildly through a Joe Morello drum solo."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I listen to this album, I feel warm and safe and loved. An image comes to mind - my dad standing at the hearth in a plaid flannel shirt and corduroy pants, stoking a crackling fire, Molson's ale on the mantle, shaking his head in time with the pulsing beat around which the instruments dance.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I listen to Brubeck now to conjure this feeling once again - the comfort of a happy childhood. I also listen to it when reading, for dinners, and for parties where I want sophisticated background music to enhance conversation.</span><br />
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-53594079857448758492020-04-03T15:24:00.001-04:002020-04-03T15:24:18.020-04:00Quarantine Tip #1: Vent!<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hey folks - I was just looking over my blogs from the past, and I found a post that struck me as being relevant especially right now - a tip for maintaining mental wellness in very trying times. So, I'm re-posting here a blog entry from when my brother was losing his battle with a rare brain cancer and I was desperately trying to keep it all together emotionally: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2016/11/the-vortex-vent.html">11/17/16 - The Vortex Vent</a></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: right;">"Shadows of Us", by Karen Clarke<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I am NOT doing a very good job of staying out of the Vortex. I am not handling this very well at all. Who would?, I suppose.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Quite often, I am a two-year old in the body of a 50-year old. Occasionally, though, I am a little bit strong. I am typically at my best when I am with my brother actively doing something to help him, talking to him, and/or just sitting next to him. On the other hand, I am at my worst - as today - when I am back at my own house. I feel empty, helpless, and hopeless.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I really, really, really wanted to share with you tips on protecting one's mental health when dealing with serious illness, dying, death, and grief, but I've got nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing to share from my own journey through this experience to inspire you and set a good example of self-care that helps you help others. I totally know it's wrong to say, but I don't really give a damn about my own mental or physical health at the moment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know what I should be doing, but I am simply unable [unwilling] to do it. I know well the metaphor of the importance of taking care of oneself in order to best help others - like a parent putting on their own oxygen mask before putting one on their child in an airplane emergency. I have loved tossing that one around at friends and family coping with caring for others, but now it feels trite.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Wait...</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Actually, now that I think about it, this blog post </span><i style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">is</i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> a part of self care. Venting one's emotions, as painful as they are, is therapeutic. The other day, I was thinking about the myriad feelings and emotions I cycle through daily, and I wrote the poem below**. Writing that too was therapeutic. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I guess I do have a tip for you after all: write (or draw, etc.) your feelings and emotions - painful and dark as they may well be. Share them or not, just get them out of your head and onto a medium. It is a pressure release to prevent full throttle explosion as emotional pain and suffering continues to layer your heart.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">**SAID POEM...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Like a sculptor working stone, pain carves me from the inside out –<br />
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rough-edged, <o:p></o:p></div>
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broken,<o:p></o:p></div>
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torn.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am angry. I rage </div>
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and lash out like a fork-tongued serpent, fangs bared at the world.</div>
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I cry torrents of tears,<o:p></o:p></div>
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and thrash about like a wounded shark. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I weep and wail til my heart’s squeezed dry. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am hollow.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am full.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am strong.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am weak.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am pain.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am numb.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am loss.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am grief.</div>
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-14968724007415362532020-04-01T20:21:00.001-04:002020-04-01T20:21:39.511-04:00Motivation in Isolation<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE6FaUJFXwlff3mk_dP1XPEzp9D9DLMkIVNC6rExML8N6PRlPArg8RrQnHH_vMtxQAoVzdQy0me3w15ZbZZ9Ae4DRzSBsnz7QfXo2YTqK0NvnBZhWpwLd93pOPkb8oZMjT_QtBH1lrfOd8/s1600/engage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1037" data-original-width="1600" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE6FaUJFXwlff3mk_dP1XPEzp9D9DLMkIVNC6rExML8N6PRlPArg8RrQnHH_vMtxQAoVzdQy0me3w15ZbZZ9Ae4DRzSBsnz7QfXo2YTqK0NvnBZhWpwLd93pOPkb8oZMjT_QtBH1lrfOd8/s320/engage.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">From early childhood on, my social rules of engagement have always been the same: keenly o</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">bserve and internalize</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> the social cues around me, and then when I'm <i>absolutely certain</i> I've got it (and only then!), put myself out there publicly. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'd been away from regular blogging for so long that I've felt sheepish about returning. With social (online) media, however, the rules of engagement are carved in ever-shifting sand. If I waited until I finally "get it", I'd <i>never </i>engage!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Well, here I am...Karen...re-engaged Karen...</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, how are you all doing in this unprecedented time in which we find ourselves this spring 2020? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What are you doing to maintain, not only physical, but mental wellness?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yesterday, feeling powerless and tapped out, I found myself dipping my toes in the edge of the <a href="https://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/02/notes-from-vortex-depression-its-not-as.html">Vortex</a> once again...that is, until I watched the YouTube video, "An Astronaut's Guide to Self Isolation". Check it out:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And that, dear friends, is what got me off the couch, back to blogging, and back to life. Thank you Col. Hadfield :)</span><br />
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-57107143098081288882019-09-04T22:53:00.000-04:002019-09-04T22:53:53.078-04:00Pink Hi-Top Adventures - Back to School<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Holy wow - time flies! I just looked over at the "Archives" here and the last time I blogged was early 2018!! Just a few big things that happened in the last year:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">December 2018 - graduated from Northern Virginia Community College with an A.S., psychology degree - no small feat considering it took me thirty years to get there...</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">May 2019 Commencement</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">July 2019 - had emergency appendectomy at 2:30 am <i>instead of</i> flying to Colorado later that morning for vacation and an amazing training opportunity in Denver...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and finally, </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">August 2019 - returned </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">to university to complete my B.S., psychology degree.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>This fall will be stressful, but also exciting and fun and I look forward to the challenge</i>, I tell myself on good days; </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>How the hell am I going to make it all happen - and where the hell are my glasses [...or keys...or shoes...or books...]?!?!</i>, I say the rest of the time. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The truth is, life is not as neat and clean and Walton's-Family-Christmas as social media might at times make us feel. For that matter, nor is it as mean and dirty and negative as the news media might project. Most of us are dwelling somewhere in between at any given moment. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Punctuated equilibrium </i>is the term that the late, great anthropologist Stephen Jay Gould used to describe evolution. Rather than a smooth trajectory of constant change, he said that </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">species plod along from generation to generation </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">with no remarkable genetic changes overall</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">until - </span><b style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">BAM!</span></b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> - </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a cataclysmic event occurs. Those who are adapted to the new conditions created by the cataclysm survive (and subsequently reproduce, passing on their traits), while those who are poorly adapted die off (and of course don't pass on their genes). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">LIFE in general is like that - <i>punctuated equilibrium</i>. That is how personal growth occurs (or fails to occur). We plod along in life...daily routine...minimal highs and lows then - <b><span style="color: white; font-size: large;">BAM!</span></b> Something big happens and we are forced to adapt - that is if we want to not just survive, but to thrive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Which gets me back to this fall...<i>how the hell am I going to make it all happen and thrive?</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For five or so years, on and off, I've blogged about my journey through and beyond recovery from alcohol addiction, depression, and anxiety disorder. At this point, I have a pretty solid recovery under my belt. In fact, I'm working in the mental health field as a peer recovery specialist {more on that later}. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, I've decided to focus more now on the <i>Adventures </i>part of this blog, and I'm taking you with me, dear reader. Not just adventures in recovery or college, but in really learning how to thrive and grow into my best self. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I invite you to join me in this journey too! Don't just read...DO. Who are you? What is your purpose on Earth? Where are you going? Where do you want to be? Share with me and others right here, or at any of the Pink Hi-Top Adventures social media sites (below).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Okay, let's power off now and get going!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ZvyVoxWFb8iKggUWEFmMOoA2SHhsAHB7JEcXwxKBqw42p32p6uQ_OQ3eYmOHJjjO1RrYOJiE97P10eBi74FVrYX91XtcRB6fTvcUjmT4nIWIVBtevPlTp_Ea9rOT_jc2iG5ieqRhjPaX/s1600/IMG_7511.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1175" data-original-width="1204" height="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3ZvyVoxWFb8iKggUWEFmMOoA2SHhsAHB7JEcXwxKBqw42p32p6uQ_OQ3eYmOHJjjO1RrYOJiE97P10eBi74FVrYX91XtcRB6fTvcUjmT4nIWIVBtevPlTp_Ea9rOT_jc2iG5ieqRhjPaX/s320/IMG_7511.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Connect with Pink Hi-Top Adventures</u>:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">email: </span><a href="mailto:pink.hi.tops@gmail.com"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">pink.hi.tops@gmail.com</span></a></span><br />
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<br />pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-69671415800275956842018-02-12T12:46:00.003-05:002018-02-12T12:46:52.881-05:00Step Two: My Planner<i><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As mentioned in the previous post, recently I caught myself sinking back into depression. I took Step One to get back on track, and now...</span></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Step Two: </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>WELLNESS TOOL SUPREME - MY PLANNER</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I first encountered personal planners back in 1990. When placing an office supply order at work, one of my coworkers requested DayTimer refills, and I thought, "What the hell is 'day...timer'?". Now mind you, I'd always been the type who poured over office supply catalogs like porn, but I'd never seen a planner quite like this before. <i>This</i> was no ordinary calendar. <i>This was </i>a<i> caramel-colored leather, pocket-sized, hyper-organized success Grail!</i></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB6mvxvSKeKHKpu556AuoBnG_gBtPbxP5kgNyHLj_jSzw-7Ezgm3We1T62qzT0q-Ecf7bWB7pvZEuZhQTw-xhpV5v0aBiA8yOO_dopoLsnASrAnNofKZ6kLKSuPf0AM6AcGTf8oIYUHQ1Y/s1600/IMG_4497.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="1152" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB6mvxvSKeKHKpu556AuoBnG_gBtPbxP5kgNyHLj_jSzw-7Ezgm3We1T62qzT0q-Ecf7bWB7pvZEuZhQTw-xhpV5v0aBiA8yOO_dopoLsnASrAnNofKZ6kLKSuPf0AM6AcGTf8oIYUHQ1Y/s200/IMG_4497.jpg" width="200" /></a><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Since then, technology may have made it infinitely easier to reconnect with your 3rd grade crush, share ideas around the world, and overthrow a small nation, but for me, and millions of others, paper-based planning beats hi-tech any day! </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In fact, s</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ince partial hospitalization (PHP) five years ago, paper planning has not only remained my go-to for e</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">veryday time and life management (i.e., calendar, to do list, contacts, and key info), but has evolved into a valuable tool for maintaining mental health and addiction recovery.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>MENTAL ILLNESS/ADDICTION MANAGEMENT</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To maintain mental and physical wellness, I use my planner to:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">List medications (dose, frequency, etc.);</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Track physical activity/exercise (e.g., steps walked each day, exercise log);</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Track daily water consumption;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Meal plan;</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Maintain a food log; and,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Log doctor visits/results, lab work, vaccines, etc.</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In addition, I now carry a copy of my "KWRAP"* in my planner for easy reference. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Created by </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mary Ellen Copeland, PhD, </span><a href="http://mentalhealthrecovery.com/wrap-is/" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-style: italic;">Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP)</a><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> is</span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> a tool to which I was first introduced in PHP. They gave us handouts to work on in group, but I did mine on the computer at home - <i>with movie clips</i>. (See below. Obviously the meds were kicking in at that point!)</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOI_gXWXiWgPhSgMVFQlye9NHpATWUtaLQyj32nNZ1jxGsfrP0JRVGwjuAs8Dn76JyZClzrnE8p99inPmhtLwOWbKCwXPB9BG_De-euyChtD8dUAXo7oIlhK97yvObCs_9MZSDBhyYAbG3/s1600/CRISIS+PLANNING+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="856" data-original-width="1151" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOI_gXWXiWgPhSgMVFQlye9NHpATWUtaLQyj32nNZ1jxGsfrP0JRVGwjuAs8Dn76JyZClzrnE8p99inPmhtLwOWbKCwXPB9BG_De-euyChtD8dUAXo7oIlhK97yvObCs_9MZSDBhyYAbG3/s320/CRISIS+PLANNING+%25282%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY (CBT)</span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://beckinstitute.org/get-informed/what-is-cognitive-therapy/">CBT</a> is a tool for "modifying </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">dysfunctional thinking and
behavior"; and my planner has become a tool for CBT. My planner is a source of </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">affirmations, visualizations, motivational quotes, gratitude lists, and other exercises designed to squash ANTs** and facilitate cognitive restructuring.</span><br />
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<b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ART THERAPY</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No, it is not imperative for staying on top of things, but pictures, stickers, and other colorful accents just plain <i>pick me the hell up!</i> The very act of doodling and adding Washi tape, scrapbook paper, and motivational quote stickers to a planner page relaxes me, much the way adult coloring books relieve stress for others. </span><br />
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My <i>raison d'être</i><o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGy2Li3wL7MMMgDEdMHIC1ttqkNgxpW11IiQeWf30c-76LrOQdIuiUJFQi9atzjbq2B3FyBVW1XukPHgqSLU9dMQ1WuVleQS1rm1ETlK5GlqXyXjNcscXETEfYjV2Cmy2Tu4kk0FWX5JEo/s1600/IMG_4510.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGy2Li3wL7MMMgDEdMHIC1ttqkNgxpW11IiQeWf30c-76LrOQdIuiUJFQi9atzjbq2B3FyBVW1XukPHgqSLU9dMQ1WuVleQS1rm1ETlK5GlqXyXjNcscXETEfYjV2Cmy2Tu4kk0FWX5JEo/s320/IMG_4510.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<b style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">MONEY MANAGEMENT</b><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidYFxMFKv0uLHCi9zzefJ1fqJDIKFyyR534ggtTwfLlMRSQQvk_tcI-EucJh36NN6YkiRrxXnExPQppgshaR2_qDOPRs-69W3weWwAb-OpOOuqupftqcfuG8rz7tJDu4yWSCw45cdbWx4Y/s1600/IMG_4504.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="864" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidYFxMFKv0uLHCi9zzefJ1fqJDIKFyyR534ggtTwfLlMRSQQvk_tcI-EucJh36NN6YkiRrxXnExPQppgshaR2_qDOPRs-69W3weWwAb-OpOOuqupftqcfuG8rz7tJDu4yWSCw45cdbWx4Y/s320/IMG_4504.jpg" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Needless to say, many of us coping with chronic mental illness and/or addiction struggle heavily with money management. In fact, the symptoms of our illnesses not only make managing finances difficult, but likely are the very things that dug us into our pecuniary pits in the first place. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Fortunately, with the help of family, friends, and professionals, and a wealth of resources available in books and online now, we can begin moving forward in this area of our lives too. I've dedicated an entire section of my planner to this topic - </span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a one-stop place for planning, tracking, and learning. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">___________</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">*If WRAP is pronounced, /rap/, then KWRAP is pronounced, well.../CRAP/. {Even cocooned in my bed by the Vortex, I still had a sense of humour at the time.}</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">**A.N.T.s - Automatic Negative Thoughts - coined by psychiatrist <a href="https://www.amenclinics.com/blog/number-one-habit-develop-order-feel-positive/">Dr. Daniel G. Amen, MD</a>.</span><br />
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-17435514250895227322018-01-30T23:06:00.001-05:002018-01-30T23:06:41.501-05:00Step One<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Folks, I have 10, count em...</span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">T E N!</b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> drafts written in the last two months just sitting there on my Blogger home-page-inbox-thingie awaiting final edits before posting. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, this post is going up as is - written off the cuff, because blogging is urgently needed self-care right now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm in a bad place right now - not Vortex-level-bad, but getting precariously close to the edge. The warning signs:</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm getting more and more anxious and irritable (for no reason);</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm continuously scanning my body for symptoms of my untimely demise; </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">I'm ü</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">berly {new word?} self-critical; and,</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Automatic negative thoughts" pop out of nowhere. </span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Truth be told, I've been a little whole-lot sloppy in recovery for some time now and it's catching up with me. I got complacent. Though I've seen a psychiatrist regularly, I haven't been to a therapist in a couple of years now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Also, fall 2017 hit me harder than expected - not so much because of seasonal affective disorder, though. I just didn't realize how the first anniversary of my brothers dying and death would hit me like a ton of bricks...and...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm 51 now...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeOsmtSB8enF-Kt5vOCkaCwBE4OG9aVK_02ZMkJ5S93dEat9eDgsNqOV1faT2dWH7NuXDi-boO5InbDkr4GjZqZcJu1OxBy9QakwgBczHpYOTzx5qO5Ck2FZ4wpHkN_ZvMoEjlY4isi9k9/s1600/WIN_20171104_18_52_53_Pro+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="649" data-original-width="1093" height="190" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeOsmtSB8enF-Kt5vOCkaCwBE4OG9aVK_02ZMkJ5S93dEat9eDgsNqOV1faT2dWH7NuXDi-boO5InbDkr4GjZqZcJu1OxBy9QakwgBczHpYOTzx5qO5Ck2FZ4wpHkN_ZvMoEjlY4isi9k9/s320/WIN_20171104_18_52_53_Pro+%25282%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and then because of pharmacy refill-syncing issues and doctors office's holiday closures, I got waaaaay off schedule on my meds. In fact, I did what one should <b>ABSOLUTELY NOT DO</b>: I quit taking two of the three meds I take, because I got so behind on doses.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">SO...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">how the hell to get back on track?!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>STEP ONE: <i>This post</i></b></span><br />
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<br />pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-80002560317038099512017-10-04T07:55:00.001-04:002017-10-04T07:55:14.793-04:00up for air<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj2GI8Pfq4lef4ykXh90cj4W0SQEVGyI2dqhGRwsfV6scBnZbmK1TPWs9lx5v9eQN67UAdPd-6yVamfGDpLZ65qWTu7EjtfV8LG3UniWXADA-gPofGEp1BvqzMATEt7ei4ut_44e4Cdwez/s1600/Sydney+Olympic+Aquatic+Center+by+Simon_sees.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj2GI8Pfq4lef4ykXh90cj4W0SQEVGyI2dqhGRwsfV6scBnZbmK1TPWs9lx5v9eQN67UAdPd-6yVamfGDpLZ65qWTu7EjtfV8LG3UniWXADA-gPofGEp1BvqzMATEt7ei4ut_44e4Cdwez/s400/Sydney+Olympic+Aquatic+Center+by+Simon_sees.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;"><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/39551170@N02/">Photo by Simon_sees</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Exactly one week before my 51st birthday, five days before I fly again (another blog post entirely!), and coming up next month, the one year anniversary of my brother's death.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm rapidly becoming depressed (and anxious about flying). I know <i>what </i>to do, just struggling with the ability to even <i>do</i>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You see, it's not as easy as it should be - simply knuckle down, "put on [my] 'Big Girl' panties", and apply all the other wellness tools about which I preach here and teach my peers on the job. If it were that easy for me, consider it done!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rather, it's a weight bearing down - an invisible suit of lead. Or a cage - a dark tunnel with only a lit match to guide me out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At one family night, back when I was in addiction treatment, another group member's wife was on the verge of tears, asking her husband, "I don't understand - <i>why </i>can't you just stop? You see what it's doing to you and our family." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He had no answer for her, but I chimed in:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's like being at a pool and watching all the other swimmers dive in and successfully swim the length of the pool while holding their breath. It's your turn. You think, 'Piece a cake.' You dive in and only a few meters out, you need to breath. You keep on going, saying to yourself, 'Knuckle down. Just do it. Everyone else did...'; but with every stroke, the urge to breath is stronger and stronger until it's so overwhelming you come up for air. You pop up, and everyone's disappointed in you. You're disappointed in you. </span></i><br />
<i style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></i>
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So you try again...and again...and again, and every time it's the same. In fact, the more you try, the shorter the distance before you need to breathe." </span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i>
And that's the way it is too with depression, although not so much an urge to <i>do </i>something, rather an <i>inability </i>to do the very thing(s) that will help.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">need to do</i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> something (addiction) or </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">inability to do</i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> something (depression) is so ingrained in your wiring, it's almost fully unconscious. It's like the urgent drive to patch the hole with your finger before the dam bursts, or the instinct to seek cover from the hailing storm. You just do it, all the while maintaining the face of "normal" to the rest of the world. You mask you're illness until the disparity between your inside and the outside becomes too great and you explode or implode.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Often, the only way out, is to learn to breath with an instructor, and it can't be family. Most of the time, it can't even be friends. Sometimes the only way out is to leap into the arms of a professional and trust that they'll guide you eventually to the other side of the pool.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, I guess I just solved my own dilemma. Calling my therapist today.</span><br />
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<br />pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-90144852078345132612017-10-01T13:52:00.001-04:002017-12-17T09:16:33.876-05:00{im}perfectly PINTERESTing<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><i>"Your time is limited, so don't
waste it living someone else's life...have the courage to follow your heart and
intuition."</i></span><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"> - Steve Jobs</span></div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">I
turned 50 last October, and as you know, shortly after, I lost my youngest
brother to brain cancer. Like a carefree bird at full speed, I flew smack into
the cold glass of reality - a window of hope having just slammed shut. No
longer an esoteric thought, I finally saw and felt "Life's brief
candle" flickering.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Over the
decades, I've become complacent. It's easy to do, you know. So many of us let
the passions and dreams of youth slip out of our fingers and sail away behind
us. We settle down and settle in. We aspire to fit the mold of the perfect
mother or father - the perfect bread winner, spouse, or lover. We deplete our
resources and ourselves trying to meet up to standards set by the
invisible "them".</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfJwHqEMy2atzuOFwl4VddWrDk91FwCqkzoGzzVr1gAfJeFmvOKs3DqLU1dnzVD2jL6BaHlrH6kzObayE2BA3XRsQrnKiqsP6FEgfHiSyYX-2yxUd1PBvb5sInW2lBZ_AutEwV5ks5FMd2/s1600/Pinterest+pin+clean+home+NOT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="682" data-original-width="603" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfJwHqEMy2atzuOFwl4VddWrDk91FwCqkzoGzzVr1gAfJeFmvOKs3DqLU1dnzVD2jL6BaHlrH6kzObayE2BA3XRsQrnKiqsP6FEgfHiSyYX-2yxUd1PBvb5sInW2lBZ_AutEwV5ks5FMd2/s400/Pinterest+pin+clean+home+NOT.jpg" width="352" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">In
the last several years, the internet has become a powerful resource in my
never-ending quest for perfection. Enter Pinterest: my internet porn and, at times, self-esteem leech.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Millions of "hacks" using
baking soda, vinegar, and toothpaste for all kinds of household fixeroos.
Pictures of pristine, cozy kitchens in white with turquoise tools and stainless
appliances. Tutorials for sexy hair, age-reversing make-up, wardrobe tweaks, and exercise tips
promising transformation from frowning frump to 21st Century, June Cleaver-Jane
Mansfield Fox. A flicker of hope for the weary working woman or stay at home mom who
tries to be everything to everyone, but ends up exhausted and worn.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Don't get me wrong, Pinterest's a
wonderful, powerful tool. An endless depot of collective ideas and inspiration,
it can help us make life easier, richer, and more fun. In the hands of an
easily-depressed, attention-impaired, 24-hour-a-day-stimulus-seeking addict
like me, though, it can have the reverse effect.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Contrary to popular belief
(ha-ha)...<i>I'm not perfect. </i>While this fuels my
initiative and inspires my goal-setting, it's also led to procrastination, and pushed me
over the edge more than once into the <a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013_02_10_archive.html">Vortex</a>.
Take blogging, for instance. Even though I've been blogging for almost five
years now, in the last two, I've poured over countless "Pins" listing
tips for blogging success. Always afraid of failure, though, I've been waiting
for the perfect time to dive back in - waiting to get the new blog website up
and running and, well, <i>perfect. </i>Waiting to craft the perfect
masthead and design, and to outline a precise map of topics before continuing where
I left off.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Now on the cusp of...<i>gulp</i>...51,
Life's brief candle may indeed be slowly waning, but damn it, I've decided I'm
going to crackle, blaze, and roar before I'm through! I'm ditching the self-repression of <i>Them</i>-pleasing and freeing the bound and gagged, long-lost ME. I'm going to do what I
love - get back to blogging, rekindle old fires, and explore much, much more! (It's not called Pink
Hi-Top <i>ADVENTURES </i>for nothing, you know.)</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13.5pt;">Yes, the new website will come; and
yes, I'll checkout Pinterest, etc. for creative and technical ideas to get there. In the meantime, however, I'm back and I'll give you the best I've got.</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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12/17/2017<br />
Reading back over this and other posts just now, I noticed something. When I have a problem or emotional crisis, and I blog about it, somewhere in the last two paragraphs I have an epiphany. My outlook does a 180, hope returns, and I'm charged enough to get back on the path.<br />
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<span style="color: magenta;"><b><u>ANTI-DEPRESSION TOOL</u>:</b></span> <i>If your outlook is bleak right now, write it out, draw it out, GET IT OUT of your head and onto paper (or screen). </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
[Now <i>there's </i>a reason to start blogging again...and, oh crap! I already said, "I'm back..." I better get out of this post and into a new one. <i>NOW</i>!]</div>
pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-32051008568572099702017-05-31T22:03:00.002-04:002017-05-31T22:03:58.756-04:00dark and light<div>
[From <i>March somethingth, 2017</i>]<br />
<br />
It's been forever it seems since I last posted.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLa8lOSrYAZVWVQtV-S4alRqrhU9id7SWAfwnadRMxSCeDScmh3saGtfSYGTve0UPLZrGbWw8n-YLSY94aMElMaHIgrg9wg7M3maAsP8BMaQqxJ2Ck66_trG9AYPcBsU05v9YgrlfzSqdr/s1600/IMG_7970.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLa8lOSrYAZVWVQtV-S4alRqrhU9id7SWAfwnadRMxSCeDScmh3saGtfSYGTve0UPLZrGbWw8n-YLSY94aMElMaHIgrg9wg7M3maAsP8BMaQqxJ2Ck66_trG9AYPcBsU05v9YgrlfzSqdr/s200/IMG_7970.jpg" width="150" /></a>I can't write, and I'm worried that I've lost it - that I'll never be able to blog like I used to. Two years ago, I was often full of hope and optimism. Positive thoughts and words seem cheap - like glass <br />
pawned off as diamond. I stand now in a 'fun' house hall of mirrors - my belief in a positive future: a bent and twisted reflection of shattered ideals.</div>
<br />
As you may know, my brother Patrick passed away from a very rare form of brain cancer last fall - Thanksgiving week, actually. He was only 44. Though I've desperately wanted to, I haven't been able to muster up the fortitude to write a proper tribute to him yet. But it's coming...soon.<br />
<br />
I know I don't corner the market on pain and grief, but I certainly don't handle it with grace. I'm slow at acceptance and quick to dissolve in my pain. I haven't been able to accept it. I don't want to accept it. I WON'T accept it!<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAMz-NEscRvv4OFziC1uwYyG_utwhxwWvAirEhiwyXZbeMGIu8etGXuW6BuCc3ftKmPgA9w7BKTF3dAd2AidLREWOb9TnRkedA4WeF6S8ZFkZwolgDmI5ZtYOAK6RuM1z6fd7EBYlqo2zX/s1600/IMG_4481+%25282%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAMz-NEscRvv4OFziC1uwYyG_utwhxwWvAirEhiwyXZbeMGIu8etGXuW6BuCc3ftKmPgA9w7BKTF3dAd2AidLREWOb9TnRkedA4WeF6S8ZFkZwolgDmI5ZtYOAK6RuM1z6fd7EBYlqo2zX/s320/IMG_4481+%25282%2529.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px;"><i>Me & my little brothers: Karen, John, & Pat</i></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 12.8px; text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px;">c.1992</span></div>
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<br />
<br />
...cause maybe if I do, I'll start to forget him. I don't EVER want to forget him; and if I have to self-flagellate to remember, so be it.<br />
<br />
<br />
I never before realized just how much I love my siblings. Missing my little brother has been like losing a limb or an eye. It's been the perfect psychiatric storm: lifelong mental illness rams into grief - swirling, thrashing, and raging in a sea of mid-life hormones. Always a full vessel til now, my heart's empty - ripped to shreds and swept away in a gulf of tears.</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
And looking inward, this is a striking reminder of the road's end - the path on which we all steadily tread. Death - the great equalizer. Granted, most of us probably won't die as young as Pat, but we're headed there nonetheless. And now I'm 50...<br />
<br />
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<br />
<i>June 1, 2017</i><br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEity9SAXAR_oWMpb1Ib3r2_szb8ClmH0HO6ih_gsuZL-8OKTe2cpwX8QbXeFVjDw7SiYzN0oZ4ngjHvjz-7zVMattR0NmVPISzOJ2ovQa10RcpMkVPrCNjh6e-ifvjeHn_cJyC8dC2tGxIt/s1600/FullSizeRender+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1265" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEity9SAXAR_oWMpb1Ib3r2_szb8ClmH0HO6ih_gsuZL-8OKTe2cpwX8QbXeFVjDw7SiYzN0oZ4ngjHvjz-7zVMattR0NmVPISzOJ2ovQa10RcpMkVPrCNjh6e-ifvjeHn_cJyC8dC2tGxIt/s200/FullSizeRender+%25282%2529.jpg" width="158" /></a></div>
Since I wrote the above, I've been pulling myself up again...slooowly. Still mourning, still crying at least once a week, but moving forward. Time may heal all pain, but it will never fill the hole in my heart which I'll carry on my journey til I myself die. I'll never, ever forget him. Never stop talking to him, never stop sharing "Pat stories" with family and friends, and never stop looking for some sign in the clouds, on a street sign or bumper sticker, or in the random words of a stranger or colleague...some sign that he is in fact doing well and existing in Heaven or another alternate plain...some sign that one day I will...that <i>I WILL</i> get to see him again...some sign that he has not just evaporated into nothingness.<br />
<br />
On the brighter side, in the darkest days of the holiday season, I landed the job of my dreams - at least for this next phase of my career. The focus of this job is providing peer support of and modeling wellness for those who are also mentally ill and/or addicted.<br />
<br />
Wellness, in fact, is where I have always wanted to go with Pink Hi-Top Adventures in the long run. In fact, I'm working on a new blog page and format now.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, I will continue to post here...until the ribbon cutting. ;)<br />
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
P.S. - Okay, and yes, there <i>is</i> someTHING else that has contributed to my depression as well. Salt in the wound, if you will, coinciding with my brother's final days on Earth...but that is for another blog. Not another <i>post</i>, another BLOG entirely.<br />
<br />
P.P.S. -<i><b> <span style="color: yellow;">If anyone knows how to create a blog on one's own URL or if you know of any good computery-designy-types or online services that can help set up an original blog and website, please let me know. :) pink.hi.tops@gmail.com </span></b></i></div>
<div>
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-11785734361244684752016-11-24T10:21:00.001-05:002016-11-24T10:21:22.179-05:00Thanksgiving Mourning<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPPJJ_wBFS7fonj1L9_fbE2lBv95H2blb0DSUX-ypqAGzbTcrOTCCtlMP4QUgJErn-V7lh_Ri9sEzcLOiOgjuwOUc_LCHs74xg7QOGa_cFLyft3oNEasmFFw2Qh6tNhXZK21Tm4Zhopttd/s1600/load+to+facebook+profile.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPPJJ_wBFS7fonj1L9_fbE2lBv95H2blb0DSUX-ypqAGzbTcrOTCCtlMP4QUgJErn-V7lh_Ri9sEzcLOiOgjuwOUc_LCHs74xg7QOGa_cFLyft3oNEasmFFw2Qh6tNhXZK21Tm4Zhopttd/s320/load+to+facebook+profile.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Karen (Me), John, and Pat</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.8px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(Sorry John, had to post it. You're handsome.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And besides, you don't read my blog anyway!)</span></span></div>
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<b style="color: #e69138; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace; font-size: xx-large;">Happy Thanksgiving! </b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There. I said it, albeit with gritted teeth. No, seriously. I do wish <i>you </i>a happy Thanksgiving, but it's a little hard today to be happy on mine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Monday of this week, my brother (Pat, above) passed away from brain cancer. I will blog about this later. For today, I am going to trryyyy...try, try, try to be grateful. I know it's the right thing to do; and in trying to set a good example of mental <i>wellness</i>, I am going to force myself to do it.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #ffd966; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>I am grateful for:</b></span></div>
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>My brothers</u>: </b>They are (yes, 'are') more than just brothers. They are my best friends! They are handsome, intelligent, witty, thoughtful, and unbelievably creative and talented! </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>My parents</u>:</b> They loved us and worked very hard to provide us with food, clothing, health care, and shelter. On top of that, they nurtured our religious, spiritual, and moral growth; ensured we had the best education; broadened our life experience with travel across the US and in Europe; encouraged the development of our talents with sports, music, and other extracurricular activities and training; shared our cultural heritage (Irish American) and holiday traditions; and stressed the importance of family and friendship bonds and love.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>My husband</u>: </b>(Whom Pat introduced me to in the first place.) He is a wonderful, caring, loving, intelligent, creative, talented, and incredibly handsome <span style="color: orange;"><b>(HOT!) </b></span>man, wonderful father, and my best, best friend!</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>My daughters</u>: </b>(One of whom wouldn't exist if it weren't for Pat introducing me to my husband.) They have both grown into beautiful, smart, witty, talented, creative, caring, kind, and loving young women.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>My father- and mother-in-law</u>: </b>I am so, so, so lucky to have great in-laws! I just adore them! They are loving, comforting, generous, and fun to be around. I am also very proud of my father-in-law in particular {and <i>YOU KNOW WHY!</i>}</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>My sisters-in-law</u>: </b>Again, I am so damn lucky to have these gorgeous, kind, intelligent, and strong women in my life! I love and admire them. They set a great example for their children and my daughters. They inspire me to be a better woman myself!</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><u style="font-weight: bold;">My brothers-in-law</u>: They are all strong, intelligent, <i>incredibly handsome</i>, and fun to be around!</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>My other relatives</u>: </b>I come from a wonderful family on both sides. Even though there is geographic distance between us, they are always close within my heart.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>My "Royal" Friends</u>: </b>(Whom I met exclusively through Pat.) They are kind, caring, thoughtful, generous, talented, smart, and completely fun to be around. [You know who you are!!]</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>My Other Best Friends</u>: </b>They are also truly kind, caring, thoughtful, generous, talented, smart, and completely fun to be around.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>My Pets - Shade, Bella, and Sunny</u>: </b>Here are some pics that make me happy right now.</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg33WYn95sNfStB1ygqoi_GuPixaseFgAHfLpiHHTxabnxn4LyRCGfFLgQoHW52ANov0mXGq13dIuzjhkTB8ZqrzxWiprNrvFBuyAg2an9DMlg7ef-f2eDDo4USpPqR-e_Xn1FHjZTIKpTB/s1600/the+pets.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg33WYn95sNfStB1ygqoi_GuPixaseFgAHfLpiHHTxabnxn4LyRCGfFLgQoHW52ANov0mXGq13dIuzjhkTB8ZqrzxWiprNrvFBuyAg2an9DMlg7ef-f2eDDo4USpPqR-e_Xn1FHjZTIKpTB/s1600/the+pets.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjP15lNuCVeJuZtrBKOgAt4p87v0dRbkALc9nwIYO8SxmwetdRmJY7RV0CweM_lbPnDC0bzxHw3V5DWg7jqMdXE09fCzTD-EWz_zzUALeK-2pB83L3Vd6CBofEwfXhOtOZfSdIpXxh4vMk/s1600/sunny+and+golden.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; display: inline !important; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjP15lNuCVeJuZtrBKOgAt4p87v0dRbkALc9nwIYO8SxmwetdRmJY7RV0CweM_lbPnDC0bzxHw3V5DWg7jqMdXE09fCzTD-EWz_zzUALeK-2pB83L3Vd6CBofEwfXhOtOZfSdIpXxh4vMk/s320/sunny+and+golden.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVOZwYylRPJWJTFEtZcxKPcOptb0ydDtBzQRod3llHYGCLny2DlCSPmXPn8Bf4Q3zGLvh9TuRgUd4DaCM0wAqKFx_yYhyW4cFjite1UAtM1UuRc6z9xvMym1Am52TssJ1R2sDjxSoZNvdR/s1600/bella+and+shade.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVOZwYylRPJWJTFEtZcxKPcOptb0ydDtBzQRod3llHYGCLny2DlCSPmXPn8Bf4Q3zGLvh9TuRgUd4DaCM0wAqKFx_yYhyW4cFjite1UAtM1UuRc6z9xvMym1Am52TssJ1R2sDjxSoZNvdR/s320/bella+and+shade.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><u>LIFE</u>:</b> Even though there is sometimes suffering and pain, I am grateful...I am <i>trying</i> to be grateful, that is - that I am alive. That every day is a new day with new possibilities and hope. That I can see, hear, touch, and taste the physical world around me and if I'm quiet and still enough, can sense the world beyond.</span></li>
</ul>
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<i><span style="color: #f6b26b; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>What are you grateful for today?</b></span></i></div>
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-42083058687994564252016-11-17T22:15:00.004-05:002016-11-18T08:12:08.696-05:00The Vortex Vent<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO5WFousST8gfG21tkzC6k0WBtOnklM6trvllZj5fLFQUSNzV3AQzQ9Iay6AbdKBU_DUh1q_igucg_2lZvSphBsDOLjlRtFjfAInSGmOMl1q9RBYfh4F17G_dVE575S1saFu4pptHh5kUZ/s1600/SHADOWS+OF+US.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO5WFousST8gfG21tkzC6k0WBtOnklM6trvllZj5fLFQUSNzV3AQzQ9Iay6AbdKBU_DUh1q_igucg_2lZvSphBsDOLjlRtFjfAInSGmOMl1q9RBYfh4F17G_dVE575S1saFu4pptHh5kUZ/s320/SHADOWS+OF+US.JPG" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">"Shadows of Us", by Karen Clarke<br />
[My brother and I.]</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I am NOT doing a very good job of staying out of the Vortex. I am not handling this very well at all. Who would?, I suppose.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Quite often, I am a two-year old in the body of a 50-year old. Occasionally, though, I am a little bit strong. I am typically at my best when I am with my brother actively doing something to help him, talking to him, and/or just sitting next to him. On the other hand, I am at my worst - as today - when I am back at my own house. I feel empty, helpless, and hopeless.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I really, really, really wanted to share with you tips on protecting one's mental health when dealing with serious illness, dying, death, and grief, but I've got nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing to share from my own journey through this experience to inspire you and set a good example of self-care that helps you help others. I totally know it's wrong to say, but I don't really give a damn about my own mental or physical health at the moment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know what I should be doing, but I am simply unable [unwilling] to do it. I know well the metaphor of the importance of taking care of oneself in order to best help others - like a parent putting on their own oxygen mask before putting one on their child in an airplane emergency. I have loved tossing that one around at friends and family coping with caring for others, but now it feels trite.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Wait...</span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Actually, now that I think about it, this blog post </span><i style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">is</i><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> a part of self care. Venting one's emotions, as painful as they are, is therapeutic. The other day, I was thinking about the myriad feelings and emotions I cycle through daily, and I wrote the poem below**. Writing that too was therapeutic. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I guess I do have a tip for you after all: write (or draw, etc.) your feelings and emotions - painful and dark as they may well be. Share them or not, just get them out of your head and onto a medium. It is a pressure release to prevent full throttle explosion as emotional pain and suffering continues to layer your heart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">-------------------------------------------------</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">**SAID POEM...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
Like a sculptor working stone, pain carves me from the
inside out –<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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rough-edged, <o:p></o:p></div>
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broken, <o:p></o:p></div>
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torn. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am angry. I rage </div>
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and lash out like a
fork-tongued serpent, fangs bared at the world.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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I cry torrents of tears,<o:p></o:p></div>
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and thrash about like a wounded shark. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I weep and wail til my heart’s squeezed dry. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I am hollow.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am full.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am strong.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am weak.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am pain.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am numb.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am loss.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I am love. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I am grief.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-64555604007348179462016-11-13T20:48:00.000-05:002016-11-13T20:48:13.162-05:00Brain Cancer Sucks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt1M5f2I0Fz6uOTQzMlp05i9hK3O_WVdluswKjgUv5r_rrlC-DpFmf59Pk-G6B7wUIjMdYEmeXoCdkkpVnblCZ3lMj_xBAm87zHmuF2Iu00yuvLQwIM387Ohpqtv9kMHYGUBBaxOo1OizV/s1600/worlds+coolest+uncle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt1M5f2I0Fz6uOTQzMlp05i9hK3O_WVdluswKjgUv5r_rrlC-DpFmf59Pk-G6B7wUIjMdYEmeXoCdkkpVnblCZ3lMj_xBAm87zHmuF2Iu00yuvLQwIM387Ohpqtv9kMHYGUBBaxOo1OizV/s320/worlds+coolest+uncle.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dear Readers:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A million and ten times over the last year I said I was getting back to blogging, but never </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">did. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I mentioned at one point in a previous post, I've been going through some emotionally trying times with a suffering loved one. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">[See </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.gofundme.com/pat-clarke-support-fund">Pat Clarke</a> - </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">written by his best friend, my husband Greg.] Though i</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">t consumed me and I desperately wanted to write about it, I also didn't want to share too much out of respect for his privacy - until now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My brother is dying of <a href="http://weillcornellbrainandspine.org/condition/gliomatosis-cerebri">Gliomatosis Cerebri</a> - one of the rarest forms of brain cancer. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">{God! I've never used that verb before when referring to his illness!}</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As you may well know, staying out of the <a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2013/02/notes-from-vortex-depression-its-not-as.html"><i>Vortex</i></a> of major depression and addiction has been (and always will be) a constant battle. This past year, however, tested the strength of my recovery more than any other time in my life thus far. So now more than ever, I need to return to blogging as cathartic therapy. I'll share with you what I've been learning as I've walked (and still walk) this long, hard journey with my little brother. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Additionally, as soon as possible, I'll be updating to a new blog site and expanding the content to include a broader range of topics such as: brain cancer, grief, and more of an emphasis on maintaining mental wellness in general.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's all I've got energy for now. Have a happy and healthy week! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Karen</span><br />
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<br />pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-27824688086358630262016-08-24T18:46:00.001-04:002016-08-24T20:59:38.321-04:00What's in a Number?<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm back at it again. I've abandoned the idea of waiting for my blog's update and improvements to be complete before writing. I apparently love blogging. I love writing. It's very therapeutic for me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Since last I posted, I've been navigating the stormy seas of the spirit, and am in the throws of an existential crisis. I'm 49, teetering dangerously close to the edge of 50's deep, dark, rocky chasm. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Why do we get so hung up on the number of times we've journeyed around the sun?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yes, it provides an estimate on quality of life and time left, but clearly it's not perfect. There are young people who leave us far too soon and there are many others who live over a century. It's said, "Age is a state of mind", "40 is the new 30; 50 is the new 40..."; but I can't seem to let go of the notion that time is running out for me. Lately, these are the questions swarming around my head:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Can I really start a new career in my 6th decade?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Will I ever be able to get out of (bad) debt?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Will I ever be able to move to a bigger house?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Will I ever move out west - Arizona or Colorado? Or am I cemented here because of myriad commitments and relationships?</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Will I ever be able to complete my bucket list? Will I have enough money? <b><i>Will I have enough time??!</i></b></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And as a woman, what is becoming of me physically? Yeah, I know. Beauty is only skin deep; and inner beauty will (hopefully) shine brighter everyday. Fine. Tell that to men...and society. Although, why should I care? I shouldn't. I know...but I do...at least for now.</span></li>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><i>[Addendum: The last bullet point in particular is very egocentric. I don't apply the same rules to others that I apply to myself. When I see almost all other women who are approaching or over 50, I easily see their attractiveness and beauty - both inside and out. I see the power, strength, wisdom, and self-assuredness that comes with age (and strikingly absent from youth). Depressed thinking is very myopic indeed. I'm keenly aware of this, but it's less scary to just roll up like a burrito in my blanket of self-imposed rules and self-loathing and burrow under my emotional rock.]</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yes. Yes. This <i>is </i>a mid-life crisis, and I hope to emerge from it one day self-assured, strong, and better than ever. Eh...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For now, just wallowing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">:(</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">On the lighter side of things...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">College classes began for me today. Excited to get back at it!</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEictWr8ol5uHONSgL15eQD_0eG3b5piDp3nz5w8_sb9K-FcV0bSTDYb66DWgjUXiEJ6j2blHY69zwxro4bGeYRsZNTg9Gu8zRn3sKkKipY8O9SSP5PkjkKzdprM71fbyL296zjyr0zcSzCx/s1600/August+Planner+Page.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEictWr8ol5uHONSgL15eQD_0eG3b5piDp3nz5w8_sb9K-FcV0bSTDYb66DWgjUXiEJ6j2blHY69zwxro4bGeYRsZNTg9Gu8zRn3sKkKipY8O9SSP5PkjkKzdprM71fbyL296zjyr0zcSzCx/s400/August+Planner+Page.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My College Planner - Fall 2016 (#filofax) </span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com, 2016</span></span></td></tr>
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-44418265382851552182016-06-22T13:29:00.001-04:002016-06-22T13:29:17.103-04:00a heavy heart<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE6K8ToYv0M0PemaJ9ZhLxvFvAa2KV35iHswyeTt3mBCAa082w1Ism_ZEiyWgfyq-2B95IXvWaMfG7SVq7ounFD_oZpMn1YDrrAS_NkKwIZx2r7noq9zGurqtgQIITEzxnBUzmCuPkL4md/s1600/Leo+Buscaglie+-+pink+meme.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjE6K8ToYv0M0PemaJ9ZhLxvFvAa2KV35iHswyeTt3mBCAa082w1Ism_ZEiyWgfyq-2B95IXvWaMfG7SVq7ounFD_oZpMn1YDrrAS_NkKwIZx2r7noq9zGurqtgQIITEzxnBUzmCuPkL4md/s320/Leo+Buscaglie+-+pink+meme.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dear Readers:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, I am waaaay behind schedule...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am - my family and friends are - overwhelmed with a dear, dear loved one's critical illness. Everyday, I try to muster up the strength and courage to maintain optimism, hope, and and positive energy. Sometimes, however, the weight is far too great and I fall apart on the floor of my darkened bedroom and wail for an hour.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My heart is in a perpetual state of breaking...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sleep is the only respite. Then I wake up in the morning and remember the monster that awaits. So, I put one foot in front of the other and start all over again. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thus, my plans of revamping this blog, creating a website for it, and creating recovery tools for my etsy shop, have been stalled for the time being. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am very surprised, however, that I am not having a complete breakdown right now - a testament to medication, I suppose. That and amazing and supportive friends and family!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I will return to blogging again, however. I know it is good for my mental health, and hopefully you get something out of it too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Karen</span></div>
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<br />pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-60592540455587825832016-05-14T15:06:00.000-04:002016-05-19T12:26:03.557-04:00HEY!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeqLZngrLH4lnXng3JXK_y_UF8oBH5OLag7lSaeB1dpdDU0eVr9GlWDbe2yCKMMFcQfSRW4VhlSIZ3hTAIiDy_GRW9liXP8outLnm11_A0oMr8tPe2WEoJ87nmTlIoJYG7iS_Rn6DJ52NH/s1600/under+construction.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeqLZngrLH4lnXng3JXK_y_UF8oBH5OLag7lSaeB1dpdDU0eVr9GlWDbe2yCKMMFcQfSRW4VhlSIZ3hTAIiDy_GRW9liXP8outLnm11_A0oMr8tPe2WEoJ87nmTlIoJYG7iS_Rn6DJ52NH/s320/under+construction.jpg" width="313" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">{<i>If you're new to this blog, check out this post in the meantime: <a href="http://pink-hi-top-adventures.blogspot.com/2016/04/pink-hi-top-adventures.html">Pink Hi-Top Adventures</a>. Thanks for stopping by!</i>)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: 'courier new', courier, monospace; font-size: large;">Dear Readers: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: medium;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">Sorry I've been offline a lot during these past several months. With this blog now 3.5 years old, I've been thinking about ways to improve and enhance the content and presentation.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">I LOVE blogging! It's been very therapeutic these past few years, but I've reached the point where I want to go beyond that and dive deeper into providing more education, resources, and wellness tools to support <span style="color: magenta;"><b>YOU </b></span>- from my perspective as a patient and psychology undergrad. {<b><i>Please</i></b>, <b><i>please always keep this in mind - I am not a professional, </i></b>i.e., clinician, professor, doctor, therapist, etc.}</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">So, I'm currently in the process of serious planning, prep, and writing, but don't you worry! I'll be returning in June.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ5vqM8NYjxgMnO5uWu-2mm6bXBDSFTyt8OgqKfgrIzE_axEnCws_m4kWbaDMqRIHIWP05jg_7HBRO5giQsEfRwdOkzB29Qpq-FBZvFiXWOnHaAnpQgLlz9603cQ4aOe5grPrT2g5MU2PD/s1600/my+card.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ5vqM8NYjxgMnO5uWu-2mm6bXBDSFTyt8OgqKfgrIzE_axEnCws_m4kWbaDMqRIHIWP05jg_7HBRO5giQsEfRwdOkzB29Qpq-FBZvFiXWOnHaAnpQgLlz9603cQ4aOe5grPrT2g5MU2PD/s1600/my+card.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">In the meantime, if <b><span style="color: magenta;">YOU </span></b>have any ideas or suggestions for topics, etc., please, please feel free to drop me a note here, on the Facebook page - <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Pink-Hi-Top-Adventures-411429458973219/">Pink Hi-Top Adventures</a>, or by email at: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><a href="mailto:pink.hi.tops@gmail.com"><span style="color: magenta;"><b>pink.hi.tops@gmail.com</b></span></a>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;">See you soon!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i>Love, Karen</i></b></span></div>
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
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pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-89205482988231136332016-04-29T14:39:00.000-04:002016-04-29T22:01:41.109-04:00Everybody Dies, But Not Everybody Lives (Call To Action)<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">{Crikey - here {I hope} is the correct link!}</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?list=RDQk152emZzNg&v=ja-n5qUNRi8">Everybody Dies...</a></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUnB_XeVDVX6iK1Ax8dEsJibmFVGEHnqQfRWbjZKBnudKApcJLDLtkN-WtNOXFwOcOnafG9KjbuXhJMsybuV0dM5rLUDCt9GMQCGsfLvuUHR-eX7vUsfAcNcai7iLm7Tu3Fkcee_RYeGRB/s1600/every+body+dies+Prince+Ea.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUnB_XeVDVX6iK1Ax8dEsJibmFVGEHnqQfRWbjZKBnudKApcJLDLtkN-WtNOXFwOcOnafG9KjbuXhJMsybuV0dM5rLUDCt9GMQCGsfLvuUHR-eX7vUsfAcNcai7iLm7Tu3Fkcee_RYeGRB/s320/every+body+dies+Prince+Ea.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Singing the praises of this from the rafters today! </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Just what I needed to hear and I wanted to share it with <span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">YOU</span><span style="font-size: large;">. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: magenta;">WATCH </span>and listen. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then watch and <span style="color: magenta;">LISTEN </span>again. </span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: magenta;">THINK </span>about the message.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Then get out and <span style="color: magenta;">DO</span>!</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Are you truly living? If not, what is holding you back? </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How can you remove or go around, over, or through any obstacles in your way?</span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Food for thought...</span></div>
pink.hi-topshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01263974273412758874noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7519413708229255547.post-56797353478014923792016-04-13T13:04:00.002-04:002016-04-13T13:04:44.245-04:00The Grey Veil Descends<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOwHDJtf5OyKQ1V9whBGNW9pb-LUbrHyAnt30SAgZrfpYZT5hb9IIe5NFqpPX4LDmbyBMPZ_Ty9uWaiKneupob9xGr-5tbJfrxUo_9WIJ5zPkuWb8xHO1mnh5jxBSbFyVT9e0P5HKdyzrL/s1600/depression_quote-d+rowe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOwHDJtf5OyKQ1V9whBGNW9pb-LUbrHyAnt30SAgZrfpYZT5hb9IIe5NFqpPX4LDmbyBMPZ_Ty9uWaiKneupob9xGr-5tbJfrxUo_9WIJ5zPkuWb8xHO1mnh5jxBSbFyVT9e0P5HKdyzrL/s400/depression_quote-d+rowe.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm <i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">still </i>working
on the alcohol posts that I promised.<span class="apple-converted-space"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> T</i></span><i>hey
are coming, really</i>, it's
just that the grey veil of depression has been slowly descending on me once again.
Last week in particular, I expended more energy than I had just to
accomplish the bare minimum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So as therapy and to continue to shine light on the darkness, today's topic is:</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">MAJOR DEPRESSION<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTbpISQdoRh9zgwZBrwhQHcHuRH8pEwZxFZOVTlzw6V7UVHmpq5d0JD1qszdDGx0MY6X0K29wesdIn7hrfYzp-UgzcbcDCLXqjQHzkdEArB7yI76XJzHeoBRkALlhyphenhyphenLG9aceUag-26xtPQ/s1600/iPHONE+2.23.13+023.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTbpISQdoRh9zgwZBrwhQHcHuRH8pEwZxFZOVTlzw6V7UVHmpq5d0JD1qszdDGx0MY6X0K29wesdIn7hrfYzp-UgzcbcDCLXqjQHzkdEArB7yI76XJzHeoBRkALlhyphenhyphenLG9aceUag-26xtPQ/s200/iPHONE+2.23.13+023.JPG" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px;">Serotonin (one of the happy </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px;">neurotransmitters) t-shirt. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I lost it...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One of the most
pervasive mental illnesses is major depression. Almost 7% of all Americans
above 18 have at least one episode each year. Like most things, though, there
are gradations. At one extreme, are those theoretical individuals who are
self-actualized and physically well - who are continually optimistic and roll
with life's punches as they come. (I have yet to meet any of them, by the
way.) At the other extreme, of course, are those who are suicidal. Most
people who experience major depression fall somewhere in between. {I know there
is data on this...I'll dig some up in the future. No energy for it now...}<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiilCms98ysqCoxzosVECg7dZsq2VT6Rnf3qwHB7yJTVwNSgONuFwMqq7lL151hDfkXJo1RgJvYa9G4JnkLdJPf-_K9q5uFSF_yfZqHjtnPNMZxAi1sgnoDYLJ3Gz6msHGg2Fp6mbsHTbno/s1600/The+Vortex.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiilCms98ysqCoxzosVECg7dZsq2VT6Rnf3qwHB7yJTVwNSgONuFwMqq7lL151hDfkXJo1RgJvYa9G4JnkLdJPf-_K9q5uFSF_yfZqHjtnPNMZxAi1sgnoDYLJ3Gz6msHGg2Fp6mbsHTbno/s200/The+Vortex.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">As I’ve mentioned before, </span><i style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">depression</i><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">,
the illness, is much more than being sad or "having the blues"
induced by a negative life event. It's systemic, altering emotions,
cognition, body function, energy, and soul.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>DEPRESSION AND </b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">...me </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you have experienced or are experiencing major depression, you can probably relate. Though I'm not experiencing all of these symptoms now, when I am or have been in a major depressive period, it feels like this:</span></div>
<ol start="1" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><b>Physically: </b></i><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuZXirDBy4SQAUe0eYWSMi2RptyC3mceI2-ezN5YMO1646M3DoTjYkaEwwqmRLiIXe1utRN_XuZME7K1b03lZZRcxyuNfNzhIoGXsMpfEHedyjrJ86zHrTOF8-2imZyv7F8Jugo3WOGKLo/s1600/the+face+of+anxiety+and+depression.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></a></div>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I’m <b>tired</b>
more than usual, and take frequent naps.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Even when awake, it feels like I’m <b>wearing a lead suit</b>.
Just trying to get out of bed or off the couch is overwhelming.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuZXirDBy4SQAUe0eYWSMi2RptyC3mceI2-ezN5YMO1646M3DoTjYkaEwwqmRLiIXe1utRN_XuZME7K1b03lZZRcxyuNfNzhIoGXsMpfEHedyjrJ86zHrTOF8-2imZyv7F8Jugo3WOGKLo/s200/the+face+of+anxiety+and+depression.jpg" style="cursor: move; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="200" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: right;">...just noticed he Coke too.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sometimes I <b>eat
a lot of junk food</b>, and other times I <b>eat practically nothing</b>. For example, last week, I bought a small birthday cake - because why do you <i>have to </i>wait for birthdays to buy one - and<b> I ate 3/4 of it in one night!</b> (The other 1/4, the next day.)<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Doing any task takes <i>forever. </i></span></li>
</ul>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><b>Mentally:</b></i><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Negative
thoughts cycle</b> around my head continuously
like trapped flies in a jar. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I scan the past and present for evidence that <b>I am inherently flawed</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am easily distracted and have trouble staying focused - more than usual.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But I <i>hyperfocus</i> on the negative.</span></li>
</ul>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><b>Emotionally:</b></i><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<ul type="disc">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeb7GNV6XrjcGsxszvUqCj0Cmh88OHyW4nG_Dl18XHU0cEhx2kBbiAOnQda9FSOsaUaTqHULhvHynHlwg5XsgQufU4mglANnKwIqE-Aa4l2tPIojlsSa_Y0ucDaPhvbfHXmoiEYw3aYUa4/s1600/8-22-14+download+1478.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></a>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm volatile.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I <b>easily get irate</b>, though only in the presence of close family, for fear of confrontation with or rejection by friends, colleagues, and others.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I don’t necessarily <b>cry</b> a lot, although I sometimes do.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I personalize everything and become very, very <b>sensitive to criticism</b>.</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I tend to <b>hyperfocus</b>
on people, negative news and issues in society, pop culture, politics, etc. that
make me angry or upset. This in turn feeds my vision of a <b>futile future</b> for me, humanity, and the world. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><b><i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I hate myself.<o:p></o:p></span></i></b></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>I wish I could disappear.</i></b></span></li>
</ul>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Socially:</i><o:p></o:p></b></span></li>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I worry, annoy, aggravate, and frustrate loved ones
and friends, making it <b>difficult</b>
for them <b>to be around me</b>,
listen to my irrational thoughts, or even find me attractive.
Subsequently, I feel even more <b>unlovable</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My <b>personality</b>
<b>flatlines</b>, but I hide behind a
smiling mask when interacting with others – even at times my family. <o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Maintaining the above <b>façade takes an enormous amount of energy</b> and subsequently I <b>drop out of life</b>.</span></li>
</ul>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Work/School:</i><o:p></o:p></b></span></li>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Given #s 1-4, therefore, I <b>frequently absent</b> from classes
and/or work days. Once again, I <b>feel even worse</b> as <b>negative thoughts get
further ingrained</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I am able to work or go to school in spite of
depression:<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<ul type="square">
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am more <b>forgetful</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I feel less competent, make careless <b>mistakes</b>, and of course, feel
even worse, which makes me feel <i>even
more</i> <b>incompetent </b>having once again proven that I truly am incompetent.
{...and I am more likely to write run-on sentences too.}<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I miss deadlines (e.g., <i>this blog</i>)<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm less confident and I project it;<b> I shrink</b>, rather
than assert.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
</ul>
</ul>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Self-Care: </i><o:p></o:p></b></span></li>
<ul type="disc">
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I don’t care about my appearance and want to blend into the background and go under the radar. </span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I shower infrequently.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My hair is plain and unstyled, and I wear no make-up. Not that I go overboard on these when I’m feeling well, but I definitely hide myself, lest I be judged. (I can’t be judged if </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m invisible</b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.) <i>This </i>lack of attention to physical appearance is more about hiding and shame, than it is about preferring less or no make-up and wanting to express a more natural appearance. (The latter would be self-confidence. One can be very depressed and <i>hide behind</i> make-up and hair.)</span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Finally, my clothing is subdued and "good enough" to get by. I dress to </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">blend into the background</b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.</span></li>
</ul>
</ol>
<div>
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh, and I hide, hide, HIDE this from loved ones, friends, and even therapists. It's counter-intuitive, but I'm keenly aware what a burden my depressive symptoms, so I try to manage it myself. And well, I'm sure you know how successful <i>that </i>approach is. </span></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">So, that's it in a nutshell. </span><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">I will tell you one thing though. In spite of my mood downturn, I have written many, many draft posts on several different mental health topics - <i>including alcohol.</i> Stay tuned.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>REFERENCE</b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>(in sloppy, non-academic format...)</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">* </span><a href="http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/prevalence/major-depression-among-adults.shtml" style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/prevalence/major-depression-among-adults.shtml</a><span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"> “Major Depression Among Adults”, National Institutes of Health (NIH), National
Institute of Mental Health.</span></div>
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