Thursday, November 12, 2015

GOOD night

i've been wading through the darkness for a few months now; and today, for the first time, i feel fully alive. 

what i can't control pounds like the raging surf around me. it could knock me down and drag me under, or i could ride the waves to shore. the choice is mine, and i choose life.

this does NOT mean that i'm happy about any of this! i'm just slowly learning to make the most of that which is. 

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

KC's Top 10

I'm writing about depression again...yes, again. I wonder, though, if I'm even qualified to
give any advice on the topic at all. Some days are better than others, but inevitably I find
myself back where I started - fiercely struggling to get on the road and moving forward again.

Yes, I know what I should do; it's exactly what I've suggested you do in previous posts. But damn if it isn't almost impossible sometimes - like now.

I'm going through a very difficult time. A dear friend passed away unexpectedly about two months ago, and then in the beginning of October, a close family member became critically ill. I'm struggling to keep myself together and be strong, supportive, and optimistic. Some days, yes, I'm hopeful and energetic, and other days I'm just down and lethargic and feel hollow inside. 

Unlike amorphous depression disease I sometimes experience, this depression has an external source. And it won't just go away any time soon. I have two choices here: I can return to the Vortex and implode, or I can move forward one day at a time using some of the things I've found most helpful in the past.

Here then is what I'll try...

KC's Top 10 - not Casey Kasem's, but Karen Clarke's Top 10 steps out of depression:
  1. Shower, damn it! When I'm depressed, getting up and into the shower requires more energy than a NASA shuttle lift off.  
  2. Pray or meditate. Give it a try for a few minutes a day - even if you can't do more than that, you will in time see God's presence in your day.
  3. Get out of the house and go somewhere. Anywhere. Just get out and into the world - and hopefully into the sunshine - vitamin D and all...
  4. Blog. Or journal. Or talk to someone who will listen - just listen.
  5. Drink water, and limit caffeine and simple sugars. [But some is good for the soul too.] 
  6. NO mid-day napping.
  7. The "Power of 5": Break down tasks into fives. For example: do something for 5 minutes at a time; load or unload 5 dishes into or out of the dishwasher every time you enter the kitchen; put away 5 items every time you enter a room; read 5 pages at a time - or hell, 5 paragraphs - you get the picture.*
  8. Mystery Science Theater 3000 (MST3K) - or another really great comedy.
  9. When you are well, make a list of things that lift your mood and bring you joy. Then when you are feeling down, refer to the list and try out some of your own suggestions.
  10. Get a massage. My favorite is a foot massage. [Hint - hint, oh husband of mine...]
*Not entirely my idea. Google a book from a few years ago about breaking things down into ridiculously small parts in order to gain momentum and complete the larger goal. Actually, this isn't entirely his idea either, rather it's based on the Japanese philosophy of "Kaizen".