I'm Back! (Part Deux)

I'm going to add "supplement medical treatment with alternative therapies" to my list of things to do for recovery. 

As you know, I injured my back two weeks ago. I went to the doctor, but she did nothing for me. She was going to give me a strong pain medication, but said it would interact poorly with my current medications. All I could do was rest it. So, I was down for the count...until this past Wednesday when I had my first therapeutic massage. The results were nothing short of miraculous!*

Walking into the therapist's office that morning, I was stooped and shuffling like a little old lady. But by evening, I was standing erect, my back pain diminished. Now two days later, the pain is gone, and I have complete range of motion in my back - neck too!

I don't know why the doctor didn't suggest it! Is it because doctors don't get enough (or any)

training in using anything other than pharmacological (bandaid) approaches to muscular injury? Or because "big pharma" provides incentives for writing prescriptions, whereas alternative practitioners do not? I can only speculate. Regardless, I am sold on exploring alternatives.

Another alternative medicine approach I am going to take up again is the practice of yoga. I am very eager to resume exercising, but I have to proceed slowly and with care. My goal for the next two weeks is to walk 20 minutes a day and do some lower back yoga exercises before returning to an actual class and resuming full-throttle aerobic and strength training.

________________________________________________________________________

For more information, see: 

Massage:

The Mayo Clinic: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/massage/art-20045743

WebMD:  http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/tc/massage-therapy-topic-overview

Yoga:

The lower back exercises I'm going to do: http://breakingmuscle.com/yoga/heal-your-lower-back-pain-with-these-5-yoga-poses

The Mayo Clinic:  http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/yoga/art-20044733


*Keep in mind, these were my results; every body is different, and results may vary. And for all injuries, see a doctor first. I personally think alternative treatments should be a supplement to medical treatment and not be a treatment used all by themselves.

I'm Back! (Pardon the Pun.)

So I've been dwelling in the heart of the Vortex for the past five days now. I hurt my back last weekend, doing nothing in particular. I began to have back spasms on Saturday and Sunday, and by Monday I was in bed.

I've been here all week, feeling sorry for myself and slowly sinking into the Vortex. I had been doing so well too - making progress in school and daily life; but that's fallen apart. I don't want to do anything - even if I physically could.

I'm so angry with myself. I'm out of shape, and now I'm paying the price for it. But there's nothing I can do about that until I get better.

I don't want to sink any further into the Vortex, so what can I do to make things better? Let's see, what am I not doing that I could do to improve my mental outlook?

Physically, it goes back to that list, doesn't it. I can do the following (taken from the original post):

1. Obviously, take medication (if any) as prescribed by your doctor; and don't deviate from it without your doctor's permission.
2. Take any supplements your doctor has recommended. For example, my GP has me taking Calcium w/vitamin D and a multi-vitamin; and my psychiatrist has added 2 - 3 fish oil capsules per day. I also temporarily take iron supplements, as I'm slightly anemic.
3. Get 7.5 - 8 hours sleep each night; and go to bed and wake up at the same time each day.
4. Drink about 2 liters of water per day - more if you are exercising hard, are on medication, and / or you are spending a lot of time in hot weather or dry climates.
5. Exercise 4 - 5 times per week employing the fitness triad: aerobic (e.g., walking, running, swimming, biking), strength training (e.g., free weights), and flexibility training (e.g., yoga, stretching). (Obviously again, check with your physician before starting any exercise program.) Aerobic exercise in particular releases feel-good endorphins in your brain, strength training builds body confidence and strength, and flexibility helps prevent injury and reduces stress.
6. Eat properly. It has been my personal experience that the following serve me best mentally {and physically}:

• Eat (5) portioned mini-meals per day, approximately every 2 - 3 hours. 
• Each meal should contain (1) lean protein portion, (1) complex carbohydrate portion, and at least one vegetable portion. Some example of portions: protein is the size of a deck of cards; a carb, the size of a light bulb or tennis ball; and a slice of cheese is the size of a domino. 
• Eat at least (5) vegetables and eat (4) fruits per day.
• Limit simple sugar (white bread, white rice,white pasta, bottled juice from store, table sugar, etc.)
• Limit butter and saturated fats. This is old news, I know; but it is true. Olive oil, olive oil, olive oil is good for the brain. Use it, damn it!
• Do not drink diet sodas and avoid sugar substitute. {The latter is my idea - I just don't trust 'em.}
• Limit caffeine and don't have caffeine after 2 or 3 PM. {As a chemical addict, this is the hardest of all for me!} Note that I didn't say eliminate, just limit. This is especially important for those suffering from anxiety.
• Do not drink alcohol - obvious for an alcoholic / drug addict, but critical too for someone with depression and anxiety - especially when on medication. 
• See http://www.choosemyplate.gov/, http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/coping-with-anxiety/AN01589, and http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/food-and-mood/my00716 for some more examples of proper eating.

So, I can't do #5...yet. But I can improve my food - I've been comfort-eating all week. 

Okay, so mentally what can I do?

• Study material from class - especially what I missed this week
• Positive affirmations
• Read over the "I Did It", "Lift Me Up!", and "Things I Love about Me"  pages from my Life Is Crafted planner pages
• Pray / meditate
• Chat with a friend
• Journal / blog (Done!)
• Draw / color (Yes, I said, "color" - something we did for CBT in the hospital.)
• Thought stopping / replacement - when I start feeling sorry for myself, stop myself, and think about something that is going well or something positive
• Quality TV programs
• Read uplifting, inspirational, and educational books / articles

Alright, I have a plan of action now. But, can I muster up the initiative to do this? Well, do I want to feel good, or not?!

Okay, let's see how this goes.

Motivation

So far, so good! I've lost one pound in two days. I know, however, that this is typical only in the beginning of a weight loss program, and the rate of loss will taper off to about a pound a week in a few weeks.

It's not easy, I have to say. I've had a craving for mac and cheese and caramel popcorn!

One of the things I've done to stay motivated, however, is to create a section in my daily planner for visualizing success. The pictures in there - especially of the outfits that I want to get back into - inspire me in times of weakness. When I want that caramel corn, e.g., I look at my pictures first and decide which I want more - caramel popcorn or cool clothes that fit well! So far, it's really helped me stay on track. 

You see, in the last year, whenever I've had to go to an event that requires more than jeans and an over-sized t-shirt, I've gone into panic mode and have ended up having to buy a new outfit for the event.

I have a closet full of a wide variety of outfits that just don't fit, and it's depressing! 

You know, I think the key to sticking to a weight loss and fitness plan is to find what motivates you personally. 

On another note, that zingy feeling in my head from changing medication seems to be dying down - thank God! I have an appointment today with my psychiatrist, and I'll let him know about it.

Well, I'm headed out know for a good power walk. It's another beautiful day here in Virginia and I want to make the most of it! Hope you have a wonderful day too!

Eleanor Roosevelt & Me

Do one thing every day that scares you.

 - Eleanor Roosevelt                                  

I love this quote. The challenge of it thrills and scares me at the same time. I repeat this quote incessantly to my daughter when she is afraid to try something new.

Recently, I've been using it as my mantra to get off my butt and live life to the fullest. Here are some examples. They may be easy for the majority of people, but they have terrified me:

Tubing on Lake Norman, North Carolina

When we recently visited friends in North Carolina (see Life is Good), they took us out on the lake for a boat ride and some tubing. It wasn't the tubing that was scary. It was the being in the lake part that scared the bajeebies out of me! 

Lake Norman's average depth is 33.5 ft - 110 ft at the deepest. Though I know it is illogical, that fact scares me. I think of the depth below. I think of the animal life below and all those eyes looking up at me!! I think of the movies Jaws and Friday the 13th - and the Loch Ness Monster, for crying out loud!

My daughter didn't want to go, even though I encouraged her to try it. Then I remembered, "Eleanor Roosevelt". I knew I had to set the example. I shouted, "Eleanor Roosevelt" (and explained it to my friends!), and on the tube I went! Yes, it did flip over at one point; and yes, my feet were dangling about 34 feet above the lake bottom - for all eyes to see! But, I did it - and I actually had fun.

Then, yesterday. My family and I went to my sister- and brother-in-law's 10-year anniversary/vow renewal celebration. It was a catered event with a dj. The day was gorgeous, the ceremony so beautiful that half the audience was in tears, and dinner was exquisite! Then came the...dancing. 

Now let me tell you: I have never been the first to hit the dance floor. Shaking my thang has always scared the crap out of me! In fact, as an active alcoholic, I used to drink my way onto a dance floor - two drinks usually did the trick.

With no (alcoholic) drink in hand, and having endured the corpus humiliation (see Gotta Be a Loser) of the dressing room the day before, I was less than thrilled about getting my groove on with all the younger, slimmer women out there. My husband, Fred Astaire (a.k.a., LMFAO's Adam Goldstein, for the younger readers), hit the floor immediately and beckoned me out there. 

No way. No way, no way, NO WAY was I going! Until she came to mind. "Eleanor Roosevelt!", I muttered out loud, and I began a-shufflin'! (Sorry the pics are a little blurry...)

Once again, I ended up having a blast!

Finally, today, it wasn't something that scared me, really. It was something that daunted me - exercise. Once again, Eleanor got me off my butt...off the couch, into shorts, and out for a walk-run in the woods!

So, this is my goal for the next 30 days: every day do something that scares me...and see what happens!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Reader:

Do you have any mantras or other techniques you use to get you through something that scares you?

Why don't you join me in this challenge and feel free to share your comments and experiences here or on PHTA's Facebook page!

I'd love to hear from you. I mean it! 

Gotta Be a Loser

Okay folks, I'm done with myself...again!

You see, my beautiful sister-in-law and her adorable husband are renewing their vows tomorrow in celebration of their 10-year anniversary. There will be a grand party afterwards - not as formal as a wedding, but dressier than casual.

Last night, I tried on every dress I owned and NONE of them would even zip partially up the back!

This morning, for morbid curiosity, I weighed myself and I am a ripe 175 lbs!! An all-time, all-time high for me!

This evening, I went to the local department store to try desperately to find something I could wear. Out of 15 dresses, here were a couple of the best:

Grandma Fletcher

Stripes?! What was I thinking?!

I finally settled on a zipperless, waistless tent dress...

I can't even show you the other selections - just too embarrassing - and mind you, all of those I tried on were in a larger size than I have ever worn. I truly hit bottom - a BIG bottom today!

Right after I left, I went to Starbucks to drown my sorrows; and it was there that I decided I would begin to get back on track immediately. Rather than order the usual venti coffee with half-and-half and sugar, I ordered a venti unsweetened passion iced tea.

Pure heaven! I think I've fallen in love! 

For dinner, I had salad with light dressing and chicken breast; but then, things fell apart...

...oh well. Pick yourself up and move on tomorrow, Karen.

Sweet Dreams!

Last night, before bed...at 1:00 AM...I baked six chocolate chip cookies and ate them all. This after a day of pumpkin bread, an ice cream sundae, a Clark candy bar, and, between heart palpitations, copious amounts of caffeinated coffee.

Needless to say my dreams were off-the-chain wild. My REM brain was filled with images of tornadoes, planes flying under bridges, and flying saucers commanded by aliens who on a loud speaker as they buzzed by me announced they were going to "morgramate" mankind for our evils.

Upon rising this morning, I was less than a dainty flower ready to spring forth into the sunshine.

Let me be very clear about this...sugar is evil. And sugar in the hands of an addict with depression and anxiety disorder is nothing short of thermonuclear! 

I am exhausted... 

This behavior yesterday was not an anomaly. I've been pulling a lot of this crap over the past few months; and, according to the bloody Wii, I have gained 25 pounds since January!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear reader,

You are my witness. I have hit my physical fitness bottom. I am committing to you {and even to you, dear husband, who I know is reading this}, that I will exercise five times a week, wean off of the simple sugars and caffeine, and lose the 25 pounds by January 1, 2014. 

Here is my starting weight:

Dear friend who suggested that we exercise together,

Sounds like a plan! 

Taking Down the Weight

Weight issues (up or down) seem to be part of the whole depression thing; and it's no wonder. Exercise is a great way to lift mood. Unfortunately, overcoming inertia is the one thing required for exercising and the one thing a depressed person cannot seem to do. 

Proper nutrition too goes out the window when one is feeling low, and it's another important contributor to brain chemistry stabilization. But Lord knows, the last thing a depressed person does is eat a well-balanced, nutrient-rich diet.

Subsequently, since imploding last September, I have gained twenty-five plus pounds. Today it all came crashing down though. I had an important event to attend, and nothing - no exaggeration here - NOTHING fit me! Even the pants that I recently bought to accommodate the larger me didn't fit! The only clothes that fit me now are my jeans (barely!), my yoga pants, and my many pairs of elastic-waist pajama pants. 

In addition to walling myself in with clutter, like many depressed people, I seem to have walled myself in with fat. The lack of exercise and proper nutrition is holding me back from mental and physical wellness.

This is my goal for the coming week: I will incorporate exercise into my daily schedule and see what happens. I am also going to eat nutrient-dense, lean foods, and drink 8 glasses of water each day. 

Stay tuned! I'll be tracking my progress and set-backs right here on PHTA. 

Wellness Part I: Physical

I have been slipping into the vortex again because I have not been faithful to the lifestyle changes necessary to control my brain disorders. I have faithfully taken medication, but that's about all. 

Whether we like it or not {and act on it or not} wellness resides in a balance between four basic areas of life: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Volumes could be {and have been} written about each. Since I'm struggling in all of these areas, I'll share with you one topic a day - covering what I have come to know through experience, recovery, and incessant reading.  

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Physical Wellness

It is so easy to forget that depression, anxiety, and chemical addiction are all physical diseases; and like other chronic physical diseases, they require physical lifestyle changes. Diabetics watch sugar intake, those with heart disease watch cholesterol and monitor blood pressure, asthmatics must avoid respiratory triggers and irritants, etc. 

What are the physical lifestyle changes necessary to support mental wellness - in other words, what have I been forgetting to do these past few months? And by the way, these are recommended for "normal" people too. It's just that people with mental illness have less leeway for slips in these areas.

1. Obviously, take medication (if any) as prescribed by your doctor; and don't deviate from it without your doctor's permission.
2. Take any supplements your doctor has recommended. For example, my GP has me taking Calcium w/vitamin D and a multi-vitamin; and my psychiatrist has added 2 - 3 fish oil capsules per day. I also temporarily take iron supplements, as I'm slightly anemic.
3. Get 7.5 - 8 hours sleep each night; and go to bed and wake up at the same time each day.
4. Drink about 2 liters of water per day - more if you are exercising hard, are on medication, and / or you are spending a lot of time in hot weather or dry climates.
5. Exercise 4 - 5 times per week employing the fitness triad: aerobic (e.g., walking, running, swimming, biking), strength training (e.g., free weights), and flexibility training (e.g., yoga, stretching). (Obviously again, check with your physician before starting any exercise program.) Aerobic exercise in particular releases feel-good endorphins in your brain, strength training builds body confidence and strength, and flexibility helps prevent injury and reduces stress.
6. Eat properly. It has been my personal experience that the following serve me best mentally {and physically}:

• Eat (5) portioned mini-meals per day, approximately every 2 - 3 hours. 
• Each meal should contain (1) lean protein portion, (1) complex carbohydrate portion, and at least one vegetable portion. Some example of portions: protein is the size of a deck of cards; a carb, the size of a light bulb or tennis ball; and a slice of cheese is the size of a domino. 
• Eat at least (5) vegetables and eat (4) fruits per day.
• Limit simple sugar (white bread, white rice,white pasta, bottled juice from store, table sugar, etc.)
• Limit butter and saturated fats. This is old news, I know; but it is true. Olive oil, olive oil, olive oil is good for the brain. Use it, damn it!
• Do not drink diet sodas and avoid sugar substitute. {The latter is my idea - I just don't trust 'em.}
• Limit caffeine and don't have caffeine after 2 or 3 PM. {As a chemical addict, this is the hardest of all for me!} Note that I didn't say eliminate, just limit. This is especially important for those suffering from anxiety.
• Do not drink alcohol - obvious for an alcoholic / drug addict, but critical too for someone with depression and anxiety - especially when on medication. 
• See http://www.choosemyplate.gov/, http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/coping-with-anxiety/AN01589, and http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/food-and-mood/my00716 for some more examples of proper eating.

Next up: Emotional Wellness

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

{REMINDER: I am not a doctor, therapist, or psychologist - just a recovering patient learning as I go.}