a heavy heart

Dear Readers:

Yes, I am waaaay behind schedule...

again.

I am - my family and friends are - overwhelmed with a dear, dear loved one's critical illness. Everyday, I try to muster up the strength and courage to maintain optimism, hope, and and positive energy. Sometimes, however, the weight is far too great and I fall apart on the floor of my darkened bedroom and wail for an hour.

My heart is in a perpetual state of breaking...

Sleep is the only respite. Then I wake up in the morning and remember the monster that awaits. So, I put one foot in front of the other and start all over again. 

Thus, my plans of revamping this blog, creating a website for it, and creating recovery tools for my etsy shop, have been stalled for the time being. 

I am very surprised, however, that I am not having a complete breakdown right now - a testament to medication, I suppose. That and amazing and supportive friends and family!

I will return to blogging again, however. I know it is good for my mental health, and hopefully you get something out of it too.

Love,

Karen

The Fire

Happy {very belated} New Year!

I've been off line for a few months now - focused on a family member's critical illness among other crises. I've missed blogging. I've wanted to share my feelings about it all, but haven't quite known how to address the topic while maintaining people's anonymity. For now, suffice it to say that together, my family, friends, and I are walking a difficult path toward our loved one's recovery.

On the positive side, as can always be the case when one confronts major life challenges, my character, perspective, and priorities are being carved and refined once again. I continue to learn so much more about life and about myself, and I'm growing closer to family and friends.


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The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.

 - Ferdinand Foch           

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Today in my journal, I reflected, "So often, the problem for me in any given issue/problem/crisis is that I don't fully engage myself and my intuition and talents in the decision-making, management, and resolution. If I were engaged - wasn't so people-pleasing, running away from conflict, down-playing myself, playing dumb and absent-minded, deflecting with humor, etc. - many problems could be resolved; and I'd be stronger and more self-assured."

As you probably know, I loathe conflict, don't trust myself, and doubt my abilities. Subsequently, I end up going with the flow, waiting for someone to rescue me, and following the direction of those who are more vocal and assertive.

But, I don't have the time or patience with myself to continue operating like this any more. As I previously said, my priorities have shifted; and of course, life is too damn short! So, how am I going to work through this, assert myself, contribute, and shine? This is my challenge at the moment; and I'll take you with me in the coming weeks as I figure out how!

Taken summer 2015., but currently under 3 feet of snow!

The Ring of Fire

I love The Lord of the Rings - this movie and its trilogy; and I'm currently drawing on this particular scene (esp. first minute) for strength and courage. 

http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/One_Ring

You see, like Frodo, I've been sent on a personal quest to carry my own ring, bear its increasing weight, and cast it once and for all into the fires of Mount Doom. 

Life is like that. There comes a time in all our lives when we are called upon to take up our own cross, bear its weight, and complete our quest. We never ask for it, and we are free to choose to accept it or to walk away. Either way, there is a price to pay; but one choice leads to strength, growth, love, and peace, and the other to weakness, fear, loneliness, and a nagging feeling of what could have been. 

Bear in mind, the journey is never an easy one. It's always fraught with this world's dragons, orcs, and wraiths. So how do we make it? How to we do it alone?


We don't.

We must create our own fellowship: friends, family, support groups, therapists, etc., who will walk with us along the way. There is strength in numbers.

We also need to recharge every now and then, for such a journey requires as much energy, strength, and focus as we can muster up. We all know how to do this - take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually. But that's easier said than done. When faced with such challenges, we often feel we need to focus all of our time and effort on completing the quest. We think we cannot afford the time, but the truth is, if we don't stop along the way to replenish ourselves, we will inevitably fail.

Here are only a few of the many, many resources out there that may help in your own quest:

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FELLOWSHIP


Addiction:

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Groups

Alcoholics Anonymous

Gamblers Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

Sex Addicts Anonymous

SAMHSA - National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day/year treatment referral and information service (English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

SAMHSA - Treatment Services Locator

Cancer:

Cancer Support Community

American Cancer Society

American Brain Tumor Association



Caregiving:

AARP Caregiving Resource Center

American Cancer Society



Grief and Loss:

The Hospice Foundation of America from which these links come:

The Compassionate Friends  Support after the death of a child

AARP Grief and Loss Resources  Support after the death of a senior

National Widower’s Organization  Support for men grieving a loss

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention  Support for suicide survivors

Griefnet.org  Support for adults grieving a loss

Hellogrief.org Support for adults and kids grieving a loss

Wise Old Sayings, "Ultimate Guide to Grieving Support Resources" 

     [Thank you Jacqueline T. - took a few years, but I finally added this great resource! ;) ]


Mental Illness:

Anxiety and Depression Association of America

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA)


National Alliance for the Mentall Ill

SAMHSA - National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day/year treatment referral and information service (English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.


SAMHSA - Treatment Services Locator

schizophrenia.com

US Department of Veterans Affairs: PTSD Support Groups


Suicide and Crisis Lifelines:

National Suicide Hotline: chat online or call 24/7: 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line:  TEXT “HOME” TO 741-741



OTHER SELF-CARE

As you may well know, I have blogged endlessly about this topic - if only to drive it into my thick head. 

This is my favorite spiritual well:  Sacred Space

Here are blog posts I've done on "Wellness":

Renew and Refresh (4/5/15)
New Hobby (10/3/14)
CBT (6/29/14)
Physical Wellness - Getting Back on Track (5/3/14)
Pet Therapy (3/24/14)
Coming Out! (3/14/14)
The 7 Habits of Mental Wellness (about Stephen Covey's, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People):
 - Introduction to (1/25/14)
 - Habit 1: Be Proactive (2/2/14)
 - Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind (2/12/14)
 - Habit 3: Put First Things First (6/23/14)
Trip to Roanoke, Virginia:
 - Rain Clouds (10/12/13)
 - Roanoke (10/12/13)
 - Heading Home (10/14/13)
Never underestimate your own power! (2/26/13)
Acceptance (3/1/13)
Recovery step #2: sleep, damn it! (3/5/13)
Rebirth (3/30/13)
Wellness part I: physical (4/26/13)
Change is possible part II (6/27/13)
Seven steps to mental health (8/2/13)
Take me out to the ballgame! (8/12/13)
Climbing back up (8/18/13)

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I have only scratched the surface here of all the resources available out there. A quick search of Google.com or your favorite search engine is a great place to start!