Saturday, March 16, 2013

Grey Veil...again?!

I will say unequivocally that dysthymia is physical - not situational. I know this because I swear felt it - I felt the physical / mental shift within in me a few days ago.

One moment, I was standing in the sunshine of my room, frame of mind optimistic and then without stimulus, there was a shift - not an obvious mood or energy level change, but a definite shift in my orientation, my core, my sense of being and relation to my surroundings. My previously expansive world, ebbed. In a split, almost imperceptible moment, the veil began to slip over my spirit.

I don't know if this is making sense or not. It is so hard to put into words - all I know is that this time I felt it. 

And, since then I have been struggling. The internal critic is returning and getting a little louder. I was a little better this morning when doing coffee with a friend, but I find my self now with heavy limbs again, fixated inward, and wanting to go back into the vortex to sleep.

I am feeling very self-conscious and critical - why am I boring you with this? Maybe in case anyone can relate. Maybe because somewhere I know I felt good before, and this nearsightedness will go away again. Maybe because I will try to get through this and will document it as I go through it and share it with you to help you or me or anyone or... no one...

Okay, so step one out of this...

                             very, very heavy now.Sleep, just hide....

No! I can't be that bad; after all, I am blogging right now. 

Wait, what would my therapists say? 

                            Get out of the house and away from the vortex! 

Okay, I'll be back later.

Please forgive the lameness of this post. I am hoping either you or I will see some sense in it later...


RECOVERY RULE #3:  Whatever you do, get out of the Vortex! 

As I mentioned above, I have been struggling a bit in the past few days. But I have learned what it feels like when depression begins to creep up on me, and I am starting to use the tools I learned in recovery. 

After I wrote (and shot) the above, I did get out of the house. I took a walk on a nearby trail with my husband and dog, and that was enough to readjust my frame of mind. 

Depression feeds on inaction. If you do nothing else, seal up your Vortex. Leave it physically, get out and get a change of scenery. It may not make things all better, but it will get you moving in the right direction!

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