One of the hallmark symptoms of dysthymia {long-term, low-grade depression} and major depression is isolation; and I isolated for years. Don't get me wrong. I liked people. In fact, I spent a lot of time with friends and family over the years that I was dysthymic - but, it was always difficult for me on some level. I felt desperately inadequate and unworthy - not because anyone made me feel that way, but because my head made it so.
Then of course, when in the throws of major depression, all I wanted was to be alone, swaddled in the darkness and misery I felt I deserved. I lacked the energy for socializing and certainly didn't want to impose my miserable self on others.
In recovery, things have changed dramatically.
This weekend, my family and I are visiting good friends in New York - friends that I haven't seen since my hospitalization. They are friends whom I love and have always enjoyed being around, but this time I feel even more present than ever before. I find myself enjoying the full richness of our friendship and time spent together. In a way, I feel like I've poured back into my skin again. I am fully myself; and it feels good! It feels like coming home.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From our outing to Ithaca today:
 |
   |
No comments:
Post a Comment