Wednesday, April 17, 2013


I am saddened, as we all are, about the tragedy this week in Boston; and my thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families. 

A friend reminded me of this prayer, and I thought I'd share it with you:

Let us all be instruments of peace.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Next Right Thing #1

As I mentioned in Sunday night's blog, I am struggling to keep up in school this semester. Maybe it was too soon to return after coming off of disability for major depression and anxiety disorder. Maybe, but I wonder too if it isn't something else.

You see, succeeding in school would mean graduating; and graduating would mean transferring to an even bigger academic program at a bigger university; and graduating from there would mean...becoming a professional in my intended field. So why should that scare and intimidate me so? That's what I want, isn't it? Or is it?

Completing all my degrees would mean that there are no more obstacles between me and my profession. It would mean, "Show time!" It would mean that I finally arrived and that if I fail at what I do, it counts, it really counts. It would mean that I am saying to the world this is me, this is who I am, and if I failed to meet up to expectations, I would be exposed to big criticism and really would be a failure. You see, if you fail on the journey to the destination, it isn't failure, just a set-back. But when you are in the profession - when you've arrived - you better put up or shut up...and I am so afraid of failing "on stage."

Does any of this make sense to you?

I am scared, but my rational mind {all of two neurons dedicated to reasoning, that ordinarily chill out in my head until randomly called to duty at times like this}...yes, my rational mind tells me that this is crazy talk and I simply must forge ahead and trust that I will be able to handle the challenges along the way and in my profession.

So do I cave in to fear, yet again, or do I trust that the path will unfold before me? What is the next right thing to do?

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Do the Next Right Thing

Cool little magnet thing my sister-in-law gave me
Kind of in a rut again - just in a funk overall. It's Sunday night; and though it was a beautiful day when we went downtown to see them play, my MLB home team lost 9-0 to a big rival. 

I guess it's not just that, though. I haven't been able to blog in days either. I'm behind again in school, and as my husband pointed out this evening, I seem to be slipping back into Vortex behaviors - mindless TV and internet, on the couch all day {except, of course, for time spent at the travesty of a game}. 

I'm so tired, tired, tired! Not getting enough sleep. It's 9:48 PM EDT; and I know I should get to bed, but I feel like I need to achieve just one bloody thing today, or I will remain in my funk. Thus, I suppose, I am finally blogging again.

What to do to un-funk? If there is anything I learned in recovery, it's this: no pain, no gain. You cannot run from unpleasant things, you must face them head on. You must do the right thing in each moment. In fact, that's what Alcoholics Anonymous says, "Do the next right thing." 

So the question to ask each moment of this week: what is the next right thing to do?