Tuesday, April 23, 2013

can't sleep...

4:09 AM EDT

i cannot sleep. I fell asleep last night before taking one of my anti-depressants - the one that also assists with REM sleep - and I had a grande Pike {Starbucks} at 6:30 PM. i had to get up to go to the bathroom - which is becoming an almost nightly ritual given the amount of water I drink before bed just to avoid the kind of cotton mouth that turns my tongue into a dessicated shellfish at low tide.

so after returning to bed, i could not fall back to sleep. my mind started swimming: "i'm behind in school - with only two and a half weeks left of the semester!", "my house is in dissarray!", "i have to eat well...i have to feed my family better...", "kim jong un and the Taliban of Afghanistan are holding the rest of the world back from progress and they must be eliminated"...you know, the usual mental musings of 4 AM.

okay, let's back up before kim jong un-stable and the Taliban leaders losers...

here i am again. behind in everything. and yet, I know I am fully capableof doing what I need to do. others who have it far worse in life are able to rise to the occasion, overcome their predicaments, and succeed - why is it so damn difficult for me?! why do i create so many obstacles for myself?

my stomach is in knots about how far behind i am in school, in housework, in physical fitness, etc. and what a steep climb it is to get myself unstuck and back on track. i just don'tknow how i'm gonna do it!!

sorry to be less than illuminating...after all it is now just 4:43 am.

1 comment:

Greg Guevara said...

I know your question is rhetorical, but I'll offer an answer anyway... i.e. this is what I would do when it gets to the point you've described:

School first. It is the top priority. Quadrant 1. Stop asking how, halt self-analysis, shut out distractions, pull up the next assignment on the list (yes, even if it's one you're dreading), do it as best you can, cross it off the list, repeat cycle. As many hours as it takes.

You'd be amazed at how many of us have been where you are, and how easy it is to get caught up, once you decide that's what you're going to do.

You can do it! Believe in yourself. Embrace success. You are capable and you are worthy. :)