7:13 am - some days it takes a herculean effort just to get out of bed - and not because i'm tired. the day ahead feels heavy. "what if" fears and "i'm a loser" thoughts are soul-sucking spiders that creep back into my head, shrouding me in a sticky web. i can't move.
feeling that way this morning. sitting here contemplating the shower and dreading even that. it takes energy and i can't bear the thought of leaving my cocoon.
okay. here i go. 1...2...3...
4...5...6...
8:26 am - can't find my moisturizer, we're out of q-tips, and the grey line growing in the part of my hair screams, "omar!"
9:37 am - put on my anti-anxiety / anti-depression / addiction-smashing talisman ("Believe" pendant and Serenity Prayer infinity charm), and off to work i go.
10:11 am - arrive at work. ( yes...10:11. it's non-profit ;) )11:30 am - a glimmer of hope. putting one foot in front of the other this morning and facing my fear is yielding results. confidence.
1:20 pm - lunch...ish. i know i should eat a healthy, protein-carb-balanced lunch with 1/2 the lunch veggies, but i feel guilty and settle for a snack.
2:46 pm - still rolling along...not the hottest tamale today, though.
6:00 pm - head out. off to night class.
7:12 pm - in class. waiting. feeling cranky. my mind's been on addiction - especially alcohol. once again, i feel like taking a baseball bat to something. i'm ruminating. addiction truly is a wrecking ball - demolished individuals in its wake. families, friends, colleagues, and humanity, devastated. yes, humanity. the loss of human potential blows me away!7:30 pm - gotta go. class starting.
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