Monday, September 30, 2013

The Dragon

It has been almost eight years (November 18) since I took my last drink of alcohol; and still, to this day I occasionally have a craving for it or have some crazy dream about it.

Last night, I dreamed that I was at a party at my house where everyone was boozing it up. Feeling put out that no one respected my addiction and the need for an alcohol-free home, I became disgruntled. At some point, I snuck myself a glass of red wine {my old lover}, and thought, "That didn't hurt me. Maybe just one more." By the third glass, I had a buzz and then the remorse set in. I began to cry because I thought I'd have to start my AA coin collecting all over again with a 24-hour coin instead of an 8-year coin next month.

In fact, the dream felt so real, I awoke this morning worried that I had actually drank. I felt relief when I realized that I hadn't; and yet, still...somewhere deep, deep, deep down inside, there was still this desire - an insatiable dragon of craving and need - a cavernous mouth that just wants one more drink...just one more drink...

It's times like this when I know I need an AA meeting. I need to hear the war stories of former bar-flies, house fraus, Hell's Angels, college kids, CEOs, et al (all of whom are my kindred spirits) to remember why it is I cannot have "just one more drink".  


Faye said...

You are doing well.. You are my inspiration :)

pink.hi-tops said...

Thanks Faye! :)