Friday, May 9, 2014

The Fog

I am worried. I think that depression may be creeping back in like a gloomy fog. For the past two days, I've been very irritable and negative. Then this morning, when repeating my positive affirmations (which I do in the car when I'm alone):

"I am a happy person...", snuffle, sniff, sniff, "I draw to me all good things...", tears stream down my cheeks, "I am aware of the good around me...", and I began sobbing uncontrollably.

Maybe it is the weather - which here in Northern Virginia today is as gloomy as my mood. Maybe it is the change in meds. Or maybe Effexor was the thumb in the hole in the dike.

I don't know. Just hope this is a temporary glitch in the force, because I am not sure I can take another episode of major depression. 

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Chip Attack

I was doing great all day yesterday - monitoring and distributing my calories out over the day, eating protein-carb balanced meals with veggies and fruit, and drinking water with lemon - constantly


I went to my psychiatrist appointment at 5:30 pm. I had about 300 calories left to "spend". On my way home, I was really hungry, so I stopped at...Chipotle. I got a chicken bowl with everything and a bag of chips. 

When I got home, I did really well with the eating. I looked up the calories, protein, and fiber online, and divided the meal into fourths and ate one - approximately 300 calories. But I failed to account for the chips! Fortunately, half way into the bag, I stopped myself. 

Then at 11:00 pm, I saw the chips bag, and almost caved in. How I got myself out of it? I grabbed my planner and stared hard at those pictures of outfits I want to wear. (See Motivation.) I asked myself: chips, or skinny jeans? I also got my butt into bed shortly after.

This morning I feel great! I made somewhat of a slip yesterday evening, but I didn't let it derail me. I picked myself up and started anew.


On another note, I told my psychiatrist yesterday about that "zingy" feeling in my head that I've been having. He said the "technical" term for it is "brain zaps", and it's all very normal. He was actually surprised that I wasn't experiencing far more side effects in coming off of Effexor. He said that the previous psychiatrist had me on a dose that was 35% higher than the recommended highest dose!

Bottom line, it will take about three and a half more weeks, but the zingy feeling will stop. I don't know, I'm getting kind of used to it. Gives a whole new meaning to having a "buzz"!

Monday, May 5, 2014


So far, so good! I've lost one pound in two days. I know, however, that this is typical only in the beginning of a weight loss program, and the rate of loss will taper off to about a pound a week in a few weeks.

It's not easy, I have to say. I've had a craving for mac and cheese and caramel popcorn!

One of the things I've done to stay motivated, however, is to create a section in my daily planner for visualizing success. The pictures in there - especially of the outfits that I want to get back into - inspire me in times of weakness. When I want that caramel corn, e.g., I look at my pictures first and decide which I want more - caramel popcorn or cool clothes that fit well! So far, it's really helped me stay on track. 

You see, in the last year, whenever I've had to go to an event that requires more than jeans and an over-sized t-shirt, I've gone into panic mode and have ended up having to buy a new outfit for the event.

I have a closet full of a wide variety of outfits that just don't fit, and it's depressing! 

You know, I think the key to sticking to a weight loss and fitness plan is to find what motivates you personally. 

On another note, that zingy feeling in my head from changing medication seems to be dying down - thank God! I have an appointment today with my psychiatrist, and I'll let him know about it.

Well, I'm headed out know for a good power walk. It's another beautiful day here in Virginia and I want to make the most of it! Hope you have a wonderful day too!