I'm still struggling. I spent most of the day today curled up on the couch again, waiting to feel better. Needless to say, it didn't work - I only feel worse. I really should heed my own advice, though, on Habit 1: Be Proactive and Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind.
Okay, so how do I apply them? How do I get myself back on track again using Habits 1 and 2? Well, the vision I have for myself is of mental health and vitality (Habit 2). I also know that there is a space between the current stimulus (this empty, gnawing feeling of dread and fear) and my response to it. In that space, I have the freedom to choose my response (Habit 1). I can either curl up in the Vortex or do something to encourage mental health. Though I know the latter is the correct response, it feels painful. I must do it, though, in order to see my vision come to fruition. The other option is not acceptable and will cause me to spiral down further.
Okay, so what am I going to do right now? Later? I am going to get a large glass of water (not coffee) and I am going to read some of my textbooks. At 8:00, I am going to take my meds; and at 10:00, I am going to get into bed and get a normal night's sleep.
I am going to try this tonight and regroup in the morning with a new plan to stay on track tomorrow.
I feel like a robot, breaking down the simplest of actions into logical little steps. Why do I over-complicate things? Why does it take such a herculean effort sometimes to make the simplest things happen? Anyway, I'll work my little plan, and we'll see what comes of it.
I just want to cry...