Some days...

...ain't it the truth! This does not change with medication. I'm exhausted, my left eye is swollen and my nose stuffed up from allergies, my arthritic knee is hurting...and the rest of my family is home today. I just don't feel like going to work...

...but I'm going.  

Is there something you need to do today that you just don't feel like doing? Is there something that you need to do that scares you perhaps? Some commitment that you know, in honoring it, will make you a better person at the end of the day? Then do it - just do it.

Growth and strength come from all the little decisions like these that we make every day of our lives, accumulated over time. Do that thing that pains you {as long as it is congruent with your values and goals, of course}; and know that I'm with you - at least in spirit!

Wishing you a courageous day!

Depression is Not a Character Defect

I still struggle at times with the notion that depression, anxiety, and chemical addiction are physical diseases, and not just character defects. Recently, I had been doubting the disease model yet again, and was beating myself up about it. I suppose, though, this is part of denial -  a normal step in the course of change {more on that in another blog}. 

Then, it hit me: I know that what I have is a physical illness and that medication does in fact work for me because of the difference in my cognition / thinking when I am taking medication. 

Here's the supporting evidence:

1. The incessant cycling of negative thoughts has stopped. It is not that I have no negative thoughts, sadness, or anger - that would not be normal - it's just that I don't dwell on these indefinitely.
2. I like things again. No really, I'm serious. For at least two decades, not much appealed to me. I would do the things I know I should like, but everything at the banquet of life tasted like cardboard - the world was flat. I knew, for example, that horses, tennis, and time with family and friends should generate feelings of joy in me, but it was all....meh...take it or leave it...bland...grey - and at times even irritating.
3. Color, color, C O L O R has returned to my life. Once again, I enjoy colors in objects, nature, and furnishings. My clothes, for example, have gone from neutrals to vibrant blues, purples, greens, and...P I N K. {I still adore black too!}
4. I look forward to things. Yes, believe it or not, if nothing is scheduled on the horizon, I have actually created dates and outings in the past two months! I have reached out to female friends. This is the first time in a long time...no...this is the first time that I have ever done this! 

The fact that taking a physical pill does affect change in my thoughts and subsequent behaviors, speaks of a physical, underlying disease capable of responding to medication. And lest anyone confuse psychoactive prescription medication for opiates, let me underscore: the medication does not make me feel fantastic all the time. These are not "happy pills". The meds just simply permit me to feel the normal range of feelings that the average person is capable of feeling. They free me to be Me; and for that, I am truly grateful!

Remember Who You Are

When I awoke this morning, my head was swirling with thoughts: It's 8:00. I only have 10 hours to get my paper done;I feel guilty about missing work yesterday; I have so much to do at work...and at home...

Then, as I was making coffee in the kitchen, I looked out the window, and heard that still, quiet voice within: Remember Who You Are. Remember that you are special and unique to this world and a part of a much larger reality than that of the worrisome little microcosm in your head now.

Struggles will always be there; it's the price of entry to this world. But life is also filled with beauty, joy, and adventure - if you turn your attention there. How you respond to both the good and the bad will determine the trajectory and the quality of your journey. 

Dear reader: Please remember that you are unique and precious - a droplet sparkling like a diamond in the sun's light. There is no other like you in the entire universe, and there never will be! It is your right and your duty to live fully and to reflect the Light!

Thought for a snowy Monday...in March

...the world needs YOU!

Believe You Can

or..he believed he could so he did! ;)

I have a short paper, a part of another paper, and a mid-term due this week, and I am having trouble settling down to work on them. It's not like these are classes I hate, in fact, I love them. But I seem to have myself psyched into thinking that I will hate working on them - that it will only be drudgery...when in reality...

I think I am really going to enjoy this learning experience...and I will be proud of my achievement when completed...Okay, that's it - I'm off to go work on it!

Challenge of the day: work on something important that you have been putting off - and see how you feel afterwards.

Got it? Okay, let's go!

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3/24/13

So, how did it go with the studying yesterday? Take a look and see for yourself:

Then finally...

my husband snuck this shot of me

...progress not perfection! I got away from the distraction {my laptop}, changed scenery, and voila! The reading flowed!

You see, you first have to believe that you can do it, but know that when you start to do it, obstacles will come your way - and yes, often the obstacle is YOU. Believe in yourself; set a goal; start the work; and when you get stuck, change your approach and course correct. That is the recipe for success.

"Follow Your Bliss"

Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.

 - Joseph Campbell   

This picture was taken on a family vacation to Wyoming. I love this picture because of the look on my face - it was a moment of pure bliss! Since I was a little girl, I've been in love with horses, but growing up in the suburbs of a big city, followed by all the trappings of adulthood buried this childhood desire - until this vacation.

For me, a horse is great medication! What is your "horse"? What makes you happy? Is there something you loved as a child that has fallen by the wayside over the years because of lack of time, money, or proximity, or because it isn't "grown-up" enough? Well, find that thing and DO IT - somehow make it happen. Life is full enough of the things we have to do, why not do at least one thing that you truly want to do. You deserve JOY in your life, but only you can make it happen; so here's your first assignment:

1. Think about one thing that brings you pure joy {children, mate, family, don't count this time!} If you are having trouble with this one, try going back to childhood for ideas. ;)
2. Draft a realistic plan to make it happen - realistic, but not self-limiting.
3. START.
4. See what unfolds! 

Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.

 - Joseph Campbell

The Game-Changer

Debating class -
every so briefly!

I struggled a lot yesterday with studying. Every time I sat down to read, I'd find something else "important" to do first - like making labels for file folders, reorganizing my supply drawer, buying a pair of electric blue pumps, and learning how paste is made from a TV documentary.

All was not a total loss, though. I went to my psychology class; and I'm very glad I did. I think it was just the push I needed to move in the right direction again.

What Goethe said rings very true, take that first step toward your goal - it is a game-changer! 

I'm looking forward to a new day, and I hope you are too!