Finding My "Thing"

I am suffering from writer's block...

I'm completely exhausted. I got less than 4 hours sleep last night. I went to bed too late, then got up in the wee hours of the morning to cheer on my husband in the Cherry Blossom 10-Mile Run in Washington, DC. Race time was 7:30 AM.

Smithsonian Castle on the National Mall,
Washington, DC - 8:45 AM EDT
Awaiting my 10-miler's return!

I love going to his races to support him. I love supporting my daughters as well in their sporting events and performances. But lately I have also been wondering, what is it that I do? 

Somewhere along the line I lost touch with who I am. Some of these feelings are typical for a woman my age {46.5}, but I know much of it too is the residue of depression. Over the years, as my soul slowly leached out of me, with it went hobbies and the things I enjoy doing. And as an alcoholic, these things became replaced with a garnet potion.

Now that I am sober, and on the mend - rediscovering life around me and rediscovering me - I find myself asking: What is my thing? What is it that I like doing? I did start blogging in the new year, and I like it a lot; but what else? I have limited free-time between work and school, but surely there is some activity that can add to my joy. Finding out is going to be my next mission!

Inspiration

Happy Friday, Freitag, piątek, vendredi, пятница!

Balance

Alcoholics and addicts are notoriously bad at striking balance in life. It's all or nothing for us. I don't drink a cup of coffee, for instance, I drink a pot! 

My life has indeed been off balance for the past month or so. I have been hyper-focusing on my relationships {thrilled to be out of the solitary confinement of depression and anxiety!}, but neglectful of all else. Well, "all else" - especially school work - built up to a critical point recently, causing me great angst; and like a good little addict, I just wanted to run away!

I think I forgot that medication only does enough to enable me to do the real work myself; and the real work in maintaining balance comes from acting on my goals on a daily basis. I hadn't been doing this. I just kept rolling along, doing the feel-good thing of the moment, or attending to the crisis du jour. All the while, I neglected those things that are truly the most important - the things that will give me the greatest return in the future.  

The solution to my loss of equilibrium: I started using my daily planner again. I carved out a chunk of the past few days to review my roles in life and what is truly important to me, and to update my goals and tasks. {I may even do a blog or video on it in the near future.} 

So, with this road map in hand, I began tackling the important things I need to do each day; and lo and behold, in only a day or two, I started feeling good again. I may not be perfectly balanced, but at least I'm no longer stuck!

What do you do to get yourself back into balance?  

Stuck

What to do when stuck. Didn't I already write about this - me, Mrs. I-have-all-the-answers?!

Well, I am stuck. I'm tired and stuffy and cranky and STUCK. I have a million bajillion things to do and I don't know where to start; so I sit like a deer in the headlights, mouth open cause I can't breathe through my nose.

Hhhmmm, do I have an inspirational quote laying around somewhere that'll get me going? Let's see...here:

I like the colors, like the motto...that works. Surely an inspirational quote will change my attitude. Ya' know, maybe it is okay to feel stuck, as long as I don't let myself be stuck. 

So, here's what I'm going to do:

• Take the car in for service
• Get my prescription renewed
• Come back and study math, psych, and addiction courses - especially math
• Go to my therapist
• Go to class
• Go to bed by 11:00 PM EDT

...even if I feel stuck.

BE Happy!

Happy April!

God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things that  I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

 - "The Serenity Prayer", by Reinhold Niebuhr    

Sometimes the best thing to do when working through a problem is to accept that the only thing we can deliberately control in this world is ourselves - our own thoughts, words, and behaviors - and not those of others. Though thoughts and behaviors can at times slip out of our control a bit (as with depression); even then, we can still control our destiny by admitting our own powerlessness and seeking help.

This month, I will focus my efforts and energy on those things I can control and not on those things that cause me concern, but little or no control. Though I may still be concerned about the welfare of others and wish them the best outcome, I will work on that which I can fully control - me!

Rebirth

Spring is the time in the northern hemisphere for celebrating rebirth of what appeared to be dead. Crocuses, daffodils, and tulips sprout up through the soil, buds appear on trees, and flowers start blooming. Tomorrow, Christians all over the world will celebrate the resurrection of Christ from the dead as well.

Bulbs I planted last Thanksgiving (2012)
 in gratitude for my own resurrection

At the beginning of 2012, I thought I wasn't going to survive the year - literally - and not because of some ridiculous prophecy allegedly coming at the winter solstice. I was dying. I was becoming more and more hollow inside every day; and by September, I was ready to die. You know the rest of the story {from previous blog posts}. 

This Easter, however, I am grateful {and amazed!} to be alive - to be given the opportunity to live. 

Dear Reader: Please remember when you are suffering that you are not alone. If nothing else, hang on tightly to the thought that there is hope, light, and life on the other side of darkness; and don't let go of that thought until the storm subsides.  

Sending you hugs, positive thoughts, and prayers this Easter,
PHT