Step One

Folks, I have 10, count em...T E N! drafts written in the last two months just sitting there on my Blogger home-page-inbox-thingie awaiting final edits before posting. Well, this post is  going up as is - written off the cuff, because blogging is urgently needed self-care right now.

I'm in a bad place right now - not Vortex-level-bad, but getting precariously close to the edge. The warning signs:

• I'm getting more and more anxious and irritable (for no reason);
• I'm continuously scanning my body for symptoms of my untimely demise; 
• I'm überly {new word?} self-critical; and,
• "Automatic negative thoughts" pop out of nowhere. 

Truth be told, I've been a little whole-lot sloppy in recovery for some time now and it's catching up with me. I got complacent. Though I've seen a psychiatrist regularly, I haven't been to a therapist in a couple of years now. 

Also, fall 2017 hit me harder than expected - not so much because of seasonal affective disorder, though. I just didn't realize how the first anniversary of my brothers dying and death would hit me like a ton of bricks...and...

I'm 51 now...

and then because of pharmacy refill-syncing issues and doctors office's holiday closures, I got waaaaay off schedule on my meds. In fact, I did what one should ABSOLUTELY NOT DO: I quit taking two of the three meds I take, because I got so behind on doses.

SO...

how the hell to get back on track?!

STEP ONE: This post