Summer Is Here

The summer heat and humidity is finally here. We took the dogs on a walk tonight; I have a mid-term exam tomorrow, and needed a study break.  It was sticky and buggy; but you know, it was still nice to get out. 

I've been feeling better lately - more like myself again. On our walk I was more able to be present in the moment, soaking in the world around me, rather stuck in my head.

I've been looking forward to this summer. This is the semester in which I finally graduate from NOVA (Northern Virginia Community College) with my associates degree in psychology. I can't tell you what this means to me. I have been in college, on and off, since 1984; and finally I will have something to show for it.

Depression, anxiety, and addiction really plowed through my life. So many years of trying, succeeding, and failing. I almost gave up a few years ago when I bottomed out. Thankfully, I got the help I needed, and I am finally living up to my potential. It is quite a good feeling to be who you truly are!

I look forward to the day when I can help another live up to their own potential too!

Rainy Days and...Tuesdays

Ugh! It is raining, hot, and über humid outside; and I am lethargic and struggling. Why is it such an effort some days?!

After yesterday's post about going back to school (see Back to School!), and about progress, not perfection and action, not procrastination, I find myself stuck like a dirty old boot in the mud. With four classes this semester, I have plenty of reading to do, but all I can muster up is a walk from my nouveau Vortex on the family room couch to the sauna patio.

Unfortunately, I don't have school today, and I'm left to my own devices for scheduling my day. Wide open swaths of time are the death of me. 

Okay, Karen. Stop! I have a choice to make here. I can choose to wallow all day, watch YouTube videos or reality TV reruns, and take another nap; OR I can turn the TV off, get up from the couch, get washed and dressed, and read some of my text books. 

I've exhausted the former many times before, and I know exactly where it'll get me - a slow descent into dysthymia. If, on the other hand, I choose the latter, I will feel a little better at the end of the day and will feel a lot better tomorrow when I am prepared for my classes! I don't have to do it perfectly, I just have to start and see where it takes me.

Okay, I'll give it a try.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey! Is there anything you are procrastinating that you know you should do because it will be good for you, help you in the long run, and make you feel better about yourself? What is holding you back? Why don't you take a little piece of it and do it now - or sometime today at the latest. 

As I've said before, feel free to comment - even if you are my spouse! ;)

Back to School!

Well, I'm back in the saddle again! 

The fall semester has started up at school, and I'm excited to be back. I'm taking Life Span and Human Development I, Substance Abuse I, Group Dynamics I, and math. 

There are two personality traits, however, that could stop me up if I don't keep them in check: procrastination and perfectionism. (I know I'm not alone in this!) 

Sometimes I procrastinate because of perfectionism. I wait for conditions to be perfect before beginning a project. Or, I procrastinate because of the effort I know that is required - especially for perfection. 

With perfectionism, it's either perfect or nothing. (Addicts are good at all-or-nothing thinking!) I know this is a contradiction, but my house, for example, is either OCD-clean or total chaos. I clean to perfection then (naturally) things fall short of it.  

When these two traits have stopped me up in the past, I've had nowhere else to turn but the pseudo-comfort of the Vortex. 

This time I have a plan in place for progress, not perfection:

1. Check deadlines at the beginning of the semester.
2. Make a realistic plan to meet the deadlines.
3. Set up an accountability plan for myself with my advisor for a regular check-in.
4. Then, ACT! Make steady, daily progress toward the goal(s)/project deadlines.
5. Keep on doing the things that are necessary to stave off depression and anxiety (medication, physical fitness, sleep, relaxation, blogging, etc.)

A Giant Leap!

One small step for mankind, one giant leap for me! Last week, I completed my classes and ended the semester with an A and a C! 

Why am I so excited about a C? As you may recall from a few weeks ago, I hit a wall academically and psychologically. I procrastinated and let other priorities take over and got myself very behind in school work. In the past, this would have derailed me and sent me careening into the vortex. This time, it almost did; but instead, I picked myself up, albeit a little crazed, and stuck it out until the end. I did not quit. I did my best with the time I had left and I completed and passed my courses. 

It may be so easy of others, but for me it was a monumental shift in thinking and behavior. I am really quite proud. In fact, I am more proud of the C than the A, believe it or not; and I feel bolstered to do even better this summer. 

Lesson learned: when trying to climb out of depression, or overcome any struggle, it is not the great accomplishments that do it. It's the small, daily battles - the seemingly insignificant acts of personal integrity and courage - that when stacked together in time, lead one on to victory.

What is one small thing you can accomplish today to lead you toward success? Set aside the time, and do it. And...

I'm baaaack!

I survived finals! It was not easy. All in all I did okay, but I crammed a lot in at the last minute. 

I DO NOT want a repeat of this next time! I am so sick and tired of the burnout that comes from pulling it all out of my...rear...at the last minute. I know procrastination is human nature, but it doesn't have to be inevitable. I can do better - and I will!

This blog is temporarily down due to term papers and finals. We apologize for any inconvenience and disruption to your daily reading pleasure. Please visit again when sanity service resumes on May 10, 2013.

Sincerely,
Webmaster K

Just Do It

Don't have time to blog today. Finals week is coming soon; and well, you know how far behind I am. Wanted to share this quote with you, though. This is my mantra for working on my college degree! {Let me tell you, if when I finally do complete the bloody thing, you will hear the celebration from whatever point you are at on the planet!!}