Music and the Psyche: Ten Albums

My husband just tagged me in a fun little Facebook challenge. Perhaps you've heard of it - Name 10 albums that have influenced your musical taste and had an impact on your life. One album per day for 10 days. No explanations, no reviews, just the cover art.

Sounds like fun, sure, but wait a minute - NO EXPLANATIONS?! You can't ask a blogger to just drop an album cover pic and scroll on my merry way.

No, dear friends! So for the next 10 days, I'm going to complete the challenge in Facebook, and then share the magic from the music with you here. Also, for good measure, I've decided to list them in chronological order of when I first encountered them along life's journey. 

So, without further ado, I give you, Music and the Psyche: Ten Albums.

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Album 1: The Dave Brubeck Quartet's, Time Out

Columbia Records, 1959

This first album differs from all the others on my list in that it was a musical seed that didn't germinate until well into adulthood. My dad has always been a fan of "West Coast Jazz", so I'd heard Brubeck in our home since the day I was born - before I was born, in fact. About a month before I was due, Dad took Mom to a Brubeck concert, and as the story goes, I "kicked wildly through a Joe Morello drum solo."

When I listen to this album, I feel warm and safe and loved. An image comes to mind - my dad standing at the hearth in a plaid flannel shirt and corduroy pants, stoking a crackling fire, Molson's ale on the mantle, shaking his head in time with the pulsing beat around which the instruments dance.

I listen to Brubeck now to conjure this feeling once again - the comfort of a happy childhood. I also listen to it when reading, for dinners, and for parties where I want sophisticated background music to enhance conversation.

Quarantine Tip #1: Vent!

Hey folks - I was just looking over my blogs from the past, and I found a post that struck me as being relevant especially right now - a tip for maintaining mental wellness in very trying times. So, I'm re-posting here a blog entry from when my brother was losing his battle with a rare brain cancer and I was desperately trying to keep it all together emotionally: 

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11/17/16 - The Vortex Vent

"Shadows of Us", by Karen Clarke
[My brother and I.]

So I am NOT doing a very good job of staying out of the Vortex. I am not handling this very well at all. Who would?, I suppose.

Quite often, I am a two-year old in the body of a 50-year old. Occasionally, though, I am a little bit strong. I am typically at my best when I am with my brother actively doing something to help him, talking to him, and/or just sitting next to him. On the other hand, I am at my worst - as today - when I am back at my own house. I feel empty, helpless, and hopeless.

I really, really, really wanted to share with you tips on protecting one's mental health when dealing with serious illness, dying, death, and grief, but I've got nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing to share from my own journey through this experience to inspire you and set a good example of self-care that helps you help others. I totally know it's wrong to say, but I don't really give a damn about my own mental or physical health at the moment.

I know what I should be doing, but I am simply unable [unwilling] to do it. I know well the metaphor of the importance of taking care of oneself in order to best help others - like a parent putting on their own oxygen mask before putting one on their child in an airplane emergency. I have loved tossing that one around at friends and family coping with caring for others, but now it feels trite.

Wait...Actually, now that I think about it, this blog post is a part of self care. Venting one's emotions, as painful as they are, is therapeutic. The other day, I was thinking about the myriad feelings and emotions I cycle through daily, and I wrote the poem below**. Writing that too was therapeutic. 

So I guess I do have a tip for you after all: write (or draw, etc.) your feelings and emotions - painful and dark as they may well be. Share them or not, just get them out of your head and onto a medium. It is a pressure release to prevent full throttle explosion as emotional pain and suffering continues to layer your heart.

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**SAID POEM...


Like a sculptor working stone, pain carves me from the inside out –

rough-edged, 

broken,

torn.

I am angry. I rage 

                        and lash out like a fork-tongued serpent, fangs bared at the world.

I cry torrents of tears,

and thrash about like a wounded shark. 

I weep and wail til my heart’s squeezed dry. 

I am hollow.

I am full.

I am strong.

I am weak.

I am pain.

I am numb.

I am loss.

I am love.

I am grief.

Motivation in Isolation

From early childhood on, my social rules of engagement have always been the same: keenly observe and internalize the social cues around me, and then when I'm absolutely certain I've got it (and only then!), put myself out there publicly.  

I'd been away from regular blogging for so long that I've felt sheepish about returning. With social (online) media, however, the rules of engagement are carved in ever-shifting sand. If I waited until I finally "get it", I'd never engage!

Well, here I am...Karen...re-engaged Karen...

So, how are you all doing in this unprecedented time in which we find ourselves this spring 2020? 

What are you doing to maintain, not only physical, but mental wellness?

Yesterday, feeling powerless and tapped out, I found myself dipping my toes in the edge of the Vortex once again...that is, until I watched the YouTube video, "An Astronaut's Guide to Self Isolation". Check it out:

And that, dear friends, is what got me off the couch, back to blogging, and back to life. Thank you Col. Hadfield :)

Step Two: My Planner

As mentioned in the previous post, recently I caught myself sinking back into depression. I took Step One to get back on track, and now...

Step Two: 

WELLNESS TOOL SUPREME - MY PLANNER

I first encountered personal planners back in 1990. When placing an office supply order at work, one of my coworkers requested DayTimer refills, and I thought, "What the hell is 'day...timer'?". Now mind you, I'd always been the type who poured over office supply catalogs like porn, but I'd never seen a planner quite like this before. This was no ordinary calendar. This was a caramel-colored leather, pocket-sized, hyper-organized success Grail!


Since then, technology may have made it infinitely easier to reconnect with your 3rd grade crush, share ideas around the world, and overthrow a small nation, but for me, and millions of others, paper-based planning beats hi-tech any day! In fact, since partial hospitalization (PHP) five years ago, paper planning has not only remained my go-to for everyday time and life management (i.e., calendar, to do list, contacts, and key info), but has evolved into a valuable tool for maintaining mental health and addiction recovery.
  

MENTAL ILLNESS/ADDICTION MANAGEMENT

To maintain mental and physical wellness, I use my planner to:

• List medications (dose, frequency, etc.);
• Track physical activity/exercise (e.g., steps walked each day, exercise log);
• Track daily water consumption;
• Meal plan;
• Maintain a food log; and,
• Log doctor visits/results, lab work, vaccines, etc.

In addition, I now carry a copy of my "KWRAP"* in my planner for easy reference. 

Created by Mary Ellen Copeland, PhD, Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) is a tool to which I was first introduced in PHP. They gave us handouts to work on in group, but I did mine on the computer at home - with movie clips. (See below. Obviously the meds were kicking in at that point!)

COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY (CBT)

CBT is a tool for "modifying dysfunctional thinking and behavior"; and my planner has become a tool for CBT. My planner is a source of affirmations, visualizations, motivational quotes, gratitude lists, and other exercises designed to squash ANTs** and facilitate cognitive restructuring.

ART THERAPY

No, it is not imperative for staying on top of things, but pictures, stickers, and other colorful accents just plain pick me the hell up! The very act of doodling and adding Washi tape, scrapbook paper, and motivational quote stickers to a planner page relaxes me, much the way adult coloring books relieve stress for others.  

My raison d'être

MONEY MANAGEMENT


Needless to say, many of us coping with chronic mental illness and/or addiction struggle heavily with money management. In fact, the symptoms of our illnesses not only make managing finances difficult, but likely are the very things that dug us into our pecuniary pits in the first place. 

Fortunately, with the help of family, friends, and professionals, and a wealth of resources available in books and online now, we can begin moving forward in this area of our lives too. I've dedicated an entire section of my planner to this topic - a one-stop place for planning, tracking, and learning.  

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*If WRAP is pronounced, /rap/, then KWRAP is pronounced, well.../CRAP/. {Even cocooned in my bed by the Vortex, I still had a sense of humour at the time.}
**A.N.T.s - Automatic Negative Thoughts - coined by psychiatrist Dr. Daniel G. Amen, MD.

Everybody Dies, But Not Everybody Lives (Call To Action)

{Crikey - here {I hope} is the correct link!}

Everybody Dies...

Singing the praises of this from the rafters today! 

Just what I needed to hear and I wanted to share it with YOU.  

WATCH and listen. 

Then watch and LISTEN again. 

THINK about the message.

Then get out and DO!

Are you truly living? If not, what is holding you back? 

How can you remove or go around, over, or through any obstacles in your way?

Food for thought...

PinkHiTopAdventures on Etsy!

Since starting this blog, my goal has been to destigmatize mental illness by sharing my journey of recovery from depression, anxiety, and addiction. It's purpose has also been to help those suffering, their friends, and their families feel less alone, and to share resources and tips I've learned along the way.

I'm now expanding on this mission - the "resources" part in particular; and this week, I opened a store on etsy - PinkHiTopAdventures [go figure...]. Check it out when you get a chance:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/PinkHiTopAdventures  

The purpose of this fresh new store is to promote mental wellness through creativity. As of today, it has 18 items, and more will be added each day. I'm starting with craft supplies manufactured by other companies, but in a few months, I'll be releasing a new product created by Pink Hi-Top Adventures exclusively. Stay tuned!!

As I've mentioned before, creativity is a great way to calm and focus the mind, and a perfect outlet for expressing emotions and communicating experiences that are difficult to share face-to-face.

A great example of creative, mental wellness tools which have become very popular recently are coloring pages for adults. [See Google: coloring pages for adults, Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble.] My husband bought me one recently, and I have to admit I was a bit dubious at first. When I gave it a try last week though, I was amazed at how relaxing and almost meditative the activity was.

Sculpting, painting, drawing, dance, music, writing, knitting, and gardening are all creative tools for mental wellness. Can you think of more?  Share your ideas with us here or on Facebook!

Aparecium*

This post is dedicated to my friends in the planner community. 

Although it is not entirely mental health- and addiction recovery-related, as I mentioned before, creativity and the pursuit of healthy hobbies are great ways to foster mental health. ;) }

Here is a peek at my planner set-up for October.

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*"Aparecium: a charm that forces invisible ink or other hidden messages to appear. It is also possible this spell can be used to make other invisible things reveal themselves." (Harry Potter Wiki) Like this charm, my personal planner is a tool which helps me reveal my life's map. :)

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Planner supplies shown:

Harry Potter tab dividers by:  Mrs. Modern Home on etsy:  https://www.etsy.com/shop/Mrsmodernhome

Planner charms by:  Crafters Retreat on etsy:  https://www.etsy.com/shop/CraftersRetreat?ref=l2-shopheader-name

Harry Potter wand for conjuring up my weekly plan and checking things off, by Olivanders Shop {Universal Studios, Orlando}

Hedwig, the planning owl, by Webkinz {Snowy Owl}

Mental Health: Plan on It!

The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, 

but to schedule your priorities. - Stephen R. Covey

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Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. - Pablo Picasso

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When I'm depressed, I lose a sense of time and priorities. Everything in life is awash in grey. I get nothing done and as the days drip by, I become increasingly aware of a monster growing in the periphery: anxiety. All the appointments, tasks, projects, and people that have been neglected, await me at the entrance of my cave.

...happier days

I'm sitting here now, staring out - afraid to move forward, but knowing that if I don't do at least something, the monster will grow larger and larger. 

So, how do I get myself up and out when I feel so overwhelmed? How do I gain some control and get moving again back on my path? 



Among the many self-care tactics which I've written about before, there's one other tool in my kit: my personal planner. 

A personal planner keeps track of appointments, tasks, and contacts, yes; but it can also do so much more! {Those of you in the "planner community" (and yes, there is a planner community) know what I'm talking about!} A planner can be your road map and guide, as well as your creative outlet, mental health manager, and curator of your dreams!

I think I'll be digging mine out now to help me get rolling again.

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About My Personal Planner

There are an infinite number of ways to set one up. Mine typically features these familiar sections:

• Calendar
• To Do
• Notes
• General info and key contacts

In addition, I've added "Focus" and "Goals" sections which contain:

• Inspiration: gratitude list, list of my accomplishments, life's highlights and lessons, quotes, affirmations, visualizations, etc.
• Lists: various lists and key information from diverse areas of my life, in alphabetical order.
• Other sections dedicated to life areas for which I have a lot of info to track: my job, college, college club, etc.

Aside from its functional, organizational, and motivational elements, my planner has also become a creative outlet.

Personal planner decorating has actually become quite popular. A quick Google search will yield post after post and video after video of planner set-up ideas and decorating tips. 

When I was in PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) a few years back, one of the therapeutic activities our group did involved art. To help us relax, and express our emotions using our visual cortices, we drew, made collages, and yes, even colored. Decorating my planner has the same effect on me. It's a soothing, serotonin-raising hobby!

Some of my tools include:

a pretty planner,

sticky notes and stickers,

...the beaver's face cracks me up every time!

decorative clips,

washi tape,

colored pens,

decorative tab dividers 

with a great inspirational quote,

and finally, planner charms {see pics above and below}.

I've included just a few of the resources out there to get you started. Happy planning!

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Special thanks to all my friends in the US, the UK, and Australia who gifted me most of these planners and supplies! I appreciate your kindness and friendship, and I promise to pay it forward when I can!

Planners by Filofax USA and Filofax UK

Inspirational Dashboards by tweetiepiecollage on Etsy

Planner charms by CraftersRetreaton on Etsy

Canoe do it? sticky notes {with that beaver face!} by Hatley

Washi can be found on Etsy

Amazon.com and office supply stores are great places for sticky notes and pens.

Not shown, but also HIGHLY RECOMMENDED:

Planning pages, goals, and inspirational forms and lists by Life Is Crafted

You know you're depressed when...

I know I've written about this many times before, but it's relevant for me lately, and writing about it again is therapeutic.

You know when you're depressed when...

Selfie from the Vortex, just prior to hospitalization, 2012

• you can't, or can barely get out of bed because it feels like you're wearing an invisible bodysuit of lead. (This is beyond the typical grogginess, sleeping past 7 snoozes, "I hate Mondays" kind of feeling. It is this times a thousand.
• getting into the shower feels like the start of a marathon - for a non-runner
• taking a shower feels like performing an exorcism
• you have no interest in food, or
• you do nothing but eat - especially carbs and junk (sweets, salty snacks, chocolate, soda, etc.)
• you can't sleep, or
• you sleep all the time
• you've lost interest in what used to interest you
• you watch mindless TV all the time, or
• you watch no TV at all and find yourself staring endlessly at the blank, black screen or the ceiling
• you feel like you're watching the world from the outside looking in. 
• you wonder how other people can function: go to work or class everyday, cook meals, maintain a relatively tidy house, have hobbies, achieve goals...laugh...

Remedies?

• turn the tv off
• get out of bed
• get into the shower - exorcism or not
• get out of the the house and interact with others
• walk - if only for 15 minutes
• have a glass of water
• eat your favorite fruit
• call someone you love who'll listen without prescribing
• write about it (like this blog) or express yourself in some creative way
• go to bed so that you can get 8 hours of sleep
• wake up and repeat the above steps

Changing Course

Feeling much better physically and mentally. 

I still occasionally have self-defeating thoughts, though. I overthink things. I'm constantly

examining and re-examining myself and my actions. I make assumptions about what others

think or will think about me and I base my self-worth on what I interpret that to be. 

Wow. I guess it sounds like I don't feel all that much better mentally after all.

Okay. I'm sitting here on a Monday morning. Fighting these demons. I can either give in to them, or I can work through them. 

What can I do today to change my course?

1. DIET - I need to eat a healthy, balanced, properly portioned diet; and not just because I recently had my gall bladder out. Research is now supporting what we've all suspected: maintaining a healthy diet helps maintain a healthy mind. 
2. EXERCISE - I cannot do strength or core training (e.g., yoga, Pilates) for a while, but I can get some oxygen in my blood and blood in my brain. 
3. SLEEP!! - I need to get about 8 hours of quality sleep, falling asleep in the dark without the TV on or iPhone in hand.
4. PRAYER/MEDITATION - There are mixed reviews in scientific literature about the link between prayer/meditation and mental health, but I believe it does work. When I have prayed regularly, I've been centered and less anxious.

"Rome wasn't built in a day", you know. I think I'll start small and gradually add on. First things first: sleep and diet. Then, later this week, add walking in the neighborhood for about twenty minutes and morning prayer and meditation.

I'll let you know how it goes.

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Here are some interesting reads if you want to know more:

DIET

PsychCentral: Healthy Food Can Improve Mental Health

EXERCISE

Craft, L. and Perna, F. The Benefits of Exercise for the Clinically Depressed. Primary Care Companion Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. 2004; 6(3): 104–111.

SLEEP

American Psychological Association: Why Sleep Is Important and What Happens When You Don't Get Enough

PRAYER/MEDITATION

PsychCentral: New Study Examines the Effects of Prayer on Mental Health