Step Two: My Planner

As mentioned in the previous post, recently I caught myself sinking back into depression. I took Step One to get back on track, and now...

Step Two: 

WELLNESS TOOL SUPREME - MY PLANNER

I first encountered personal planners back in 1990. When placing an office supply order at work, one of my coworkers requested DayTimer refills, and I thought, "What the hell is 'day...timer'?". Now mind you, I'd always been the type who poured over office supply catalogs like porn, but I'd never seen a planner quite like this before. This was no ordinary calendar. This was a caramel-colored leather, pocket-sized, hyper-organized success Grail!


Since then, technology may have made it infinitely easier to reconnect with your 3rd grade crush, share ideas around the world, and overthrow a small nation, but for me, and millions of others, paper-based planning beats hi-tech any day! In fact, since partial hospitalization (PHP) five years ago, paper planning has not only remained my go-to for everyday time and life management (i.e., calendar, to do list, contacts, and key info), but has evolved into a valuable tool for maintaining mental health and addiction recovery.
  

MENTAL ILLNESS/ADDICTION MANAGEMENT

To maintain mental and physical wellness, I use my planner to:

• List medications (dose, frequency, etc.);
• Track physical activity/exercise (e.g., steps walked each day, exercise log);
• Track daily water consumption;
• Meal plan;
• Maintain a food log; and,
• Log doctor visits/results, lab work, vaccines, etc.

In addition, I now carry a copy of my "KWRAP"* in my planner for easy reference. 

Created by Mary Ellen Copeland, PhD, Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) is a tool to which I was first introduced in PHP. They gave us handouts to work on in group, but I did mine on the computer at home - with movie clips. (See below. Obviously the meds were kicking in at that point!)

COGNITIVE BEHAVIOR THERAPY (CBT)

CBT is a tool for "modifying dysfunctional thinking and behavior"; and my planner has become a tool for CBT. My planner is a source of affirmations, visualizations, motivational quotes, gratitude lists, and other exercises designed to squash ANTs** and facilitate cognitive restructuring.

ART THERAPY

No, it is not imperative for staying on top of things, but pictures, stickers, and other colorful accents just plain pick me the hell up! The very act of doodling and adding Washi tape, scrapbook paper, and motivational quote stickers to a planner page relaxes me, much the way adult coloring books relieve stress for others.  

My raison d'être

MONEY MANAGEMENT


Needless to say, many of us coping with chronic mental illness and/or addiction struggle heavily with money management. In fact, the symptoms of our illnesses not only make managing finances difficult, but likely are the very things that dug us into our pecuniary pits in the first place. 

Fortunately, with the help of family, friends, and professionals, and a wealth of resources available in books and online now, we can begin moving forward in this area of our lives too. I've dedicated an entire section of my planner to this topic - a one-stop place for planning, tracking, and learning.  

___________


*If WRAP is pronounced, /rap/, then KWRAP is pronounced, well.../CRAP/. {Even cocooned in my bed by the Vortex, I still had a sense of humour at the time.}
**A.N.T.s - Automatic Negative Thoughts - coined by psychiatrist Dr. Daniel G. Amen, MD.

Cracking the Shell

Exactly one year ago yesterday, my husband took me to the emergency room, because I hadn't gotten out of bed in two weeks and because I shared with him that I had comforting fantasies about falling down the stairs or off a building.

I recall sitting there in the emergency waiting room, along with the broken arm, seizure, and heart attack cases thinking that I was just taking up precious hospital time when they had other patients to care for that were far worse than I. Never mind the fact that I had been considering permanently removing myself to get out of everyone's way.

I remember looking around the room at all the faces, the people with trauma, the pregnant women in labor, the families concerned about loved ones...it all seemed surreal at that point. I was hollow on the inside and I was using up most of my energy just to sit slumped in a vinyl-padded chair.

When the check-in nurse called my name, I drifted across the room like a ghost. She looked up at me and asked, "Are you thinking of hurting anyone? Are you thinking of hurting yourself?" To the former, of course not! I'd never hurt anyone else. In fact, I didn't trust myself on a Metro platform because I didn't want to risk mentally scarring or hurting the Metrorail driver if ever I...fell. And hurt myself? The adverb "now" seemed implied, so I replied "No". Had she added "recently" or "lately" or "will you in the next 24 hours", I'd have to say "yes".

When they finally called me back, I remember just being embarrassed. Like I had no right to take up bed space. I felt ashamed that I couldn't just get off my ass and get on with life.

Finally the doctor came in. He was one of the kindest doctors I've ever met. He gently asked, "How are you doing?" Putting his hand on my shoulder, he sat down on the bed next to me. That simple gesture of compassion cracked my emotionless shell. With a lump in my throat, I proceeded to share my story.

Bottom line, I was referred to the Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) at the hospital's Behavioral Health Services. And thus began my journey back to me.

Fast forward to today. I am feeling down again - not nearly like I was that fateful day, but down. I was even beginning to wonder if the medication is not working; however, the truth is, I am well overall. I now have the tools to get myself up again; and that's just what I'm gonna do.