The Ring of Fire

I love The Lord of the Rings - this movie and its trilogy; and I'm currently drawing on this particular scene (esp. first minute) for strength and courage. 

http://lotr.wikia.com/wiki/One_Ring

You see, like Frodo, I've been sent on a personal quest to carry my own ring, bear its increasing weight, and cast it once and for all into the fires of Mount Doom. 

Life is like that. There comes a time in all our lives when we are called upon to take up our own cross, bear its weight, and complete our quest. We never ask for it, and we are free to choose to accept it or to walk away. Either way, there is a price to pay; but one choice leads to strength, growth, love, and peace, and the other to weakness, fear, loneliness, and a nagging feeling of what could have been. 

Bear in mind, the journey is never an easy one. It's always fraught with this world's dragons, orcs, and wraiths. So how do we make it? How to we do it alone?


We don't.

We must create our own fellowship: friends, family, support groups, therapists, etc., who will walk with us along the way. There is strength in numbers.

We also need to recharge every now and then, for such a journey requires as much energy, strength, and focus as we can muster up. We all know how to do this - take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually. But that's easier said than done. When faced with such challenges, we often feel we need to focus all of our time and effort on completing the quest. We think we cannot afford the time, but the truth is, if we don't stop along the way to replenish ourselves, we will inevitably fail.

Here are only a few of the many, many resources out there that may help in your own quest:

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FELLOWSHIP


Addiction:

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Groups

Alcoholics Anonymous

Gamblers Anonymous

Narcotics Anonymous

Sex Addicts Anonymous

SAMHSA - National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day/year treatment referral and information service (English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

SAMHSA - Treatment Services Locator

Cancer:

Cancer Support Community

American Cancer Society

American Brain Tumor Association



Caregiving:

AARP Caregiving Resource Center

American Cancer Society



Grief and Loss:

The Hospice Foundation of America from which these links come:

The Compassionate Friends  Support after the death of a child

AARP Grief and Loss Resources  Support after the death of a senior

National Widower’s Organization  Support for men grieving a loss

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention  Support for suicide survivors

Griefnet.org  Support for adults grieving a loss

Hellogrief.org Support for adults and kids grieving a loss

Wise Old Sayings, "Ultimate Guide to Grieving Support Resources" 

     [Thank you Jacqueline T. - took a few years, but I finally added this great resource! ;) ]


Mental Illness:

Anxiety and Depression Association of America

Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA)


National Alliance for the Mentall Ill

SAMHSA - National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day/year treatment referral and information service (English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.


SAMHSA - Treatment Services Locator

schizophrenia.com

US Department of Veterans Affairs: PTSD Support Groups


Suicide and Crisis Lifelines:

National Suicide Hotline: chat online or call 24/7: 1-800-273-8255

Crisis Text Line:  TEXT “HOME” TO 741-741



OTHER SELF-CARE

As you may well know, I have blogged endlessly about this topic - if only to drive it into my thick head. 

This is my favorite spiritual well:  Sacred Space

Here are blog posts I've done on "Wellness":

Renew and Refresh (4/5/15)
New Hobby (10/3/14)
CBT (6/29/14)
Physical Wellness - Getting Back on Track (5/3/14)
Pet Therapy (3/24/14)
Coming Out! (3/14/14)
The 7 Habits of Mental Wellness (about Stephen Covey's, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People):
 - Introduction to (1/25/14)
 - Habit 1: Be Proactive (2/2/14)
 - Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind (2/12/14)
 - Habit 3: Put First Things First (6/23/14)
Trip to Roanoke, Virginia:
 - Rain Clouds (10/12/13)
 - Roanoke (10/12/13)
 - Heading Home (10/14/13)
Never underestimate your own power! (2/26/13)
Acceptance (3/1/13)
Recovery step #2: sleep, damn it! (3/5/13)
Rebirth (3/30/13)
Wellness part I: physical (4/26/13)
Change is possible part II (6/27/13)
Seven steps to mental health (8/2/13)
Take me out to the ballgame! (8/12/13)
Climbing back up (8/18/13)

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I have only scratched the surface here of all the resources available out there. A quick search of Google.com or your favorite search engine is a great place to start!

Crossing the Line

It's cold and raining today, but it's sunny and 72 in my head right now! I'm feeling really good! It's the third week of spring semester and I'm fairly on top of things so far.

I think about how things were last year. I was doing okay, but was closer to the edge - walking on a thin line between mental health and the abyss. I have gotten so much better these past twelve months - between medication changes and therapy I've come a loooong way!

Had I not reached out for help back in September 2012, I'm not sure I'd be here today. Sometimes that's all it takes when one is at the end of one's rope - simply reaching out to another person for help.

And that, dear friends is why I'm in school now. I want to be the hand reaching down to another person, helping to pull others up with me. I want to give back the gift of life - and sanity - that I was given. I want to see other people begin to reach their full potential as I am on the road to reaching mine.

That is what keeps me going and makes me happy on this dark, cold, wet day.

Rain Clouds

Headed out of town in the pouring rain yesterday for a holiday / birthday weekend getaway with my family. On the way down, I was reading Noonday Demon: an Atlas of Depression, by Andrew Solomon, and of course it got me thinking again about my own depression.

Now that I am doing well, I worry that I could have another relapse. I remember the first time suicide popped into my mind. It seemed a real solution and it brought me peace of mind...then just as quickly as the thought came, I became terrified when I realized how close I was to death. 

I am terrified now that I will ever go back to that place; and I am afraid that the next time, I will not be able or want to stop myself from acting on the thoughts.  

Alright, on a positive note, we are heading into Roanoke today to do some sightseeing. I'll be sure to post some pics!

Have a great day yourself, dear reader!

Today is...

...my birthday! I am 47 years old, and for the first time in a very long time I am really excited about a birthday! Too often we shrink down and wince at birthdays as we get older, and lie about our age. I say, to hell with that! I am 47.  I made it this far, and by God I'm gonna celebrate!

I remember my last birthday. I was still in partial hospitalization. Only a month before, I wanted to die and was beginning to plot how to make it happen. Now, for the first time in years, I am really happy and grateful to be alive; and that is something to celebrate!

Cracking the Shell

Exactly one year ago yesterday, my husband took me to the emergency room, because I hadn't gotten out of bed in two weeks and because I shared with him that I had comforting fantasies about falling down the stairs or off a building.

I recall sitting there in the emergency waiting room, along with the broken arm, seizure, and heart attack cases thinking that I was just taking up precious hospital time when they had other patients to care for that were far worse than I. Never mind the fact that I had been considering permanently removing myself to get out of everyone's way.

I remember looking around the room at all the faces, the people with trauma, the pregnant women in labor, the families concerned about loved ones...it all seemed surreal at that point. I was hollow on the inside and I was using up most of my energy just to sit slumped in a vinyl-padded chair.

When the check-in nurse called my name, I drifted across the room like a ghost. She looked up at me and asked, "Are you thinking of hurting anyone? Are you thinking of hurting yourself?" To the former, of course not! I'd never hurt anyone else. In fact, I didn't trust myself on a Metro platform because I didn't want to risk mentally scarring or hurting the Metrorail driver if ever I...fell. And hurt myself? The adverb "now" seemed implied, so I replied "No". Had she added "recently" or "lately" or "will you in the next 24 hours", I'd have to say "yes".

When they finally called me back, I remember just being embarrassed. Like I had no right to take up bed space. I felt ashamed that I couldn't just get off my ass and get on with life.

Finally the doctor came in. He was one of the kindest doctors I've ever met. He gently asked, "How are you doing?" Putting his hand on my shoulder, he sat down on the bed next to me. That simple gesture of compassion cracked my emotionless shell. With a lump in my throat, I proceeded to share my story.

Bottom line, I was referred to the Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP) at the hospital's Behavioral Health Services. And thus began my journey back to me.

Fast forward to today. I am feeling down again - not nearly like I was that fateful day, but down. I was even beginning to wonder if the medication is not working; however, the truth is, I am well overall. I now have the tools to get myself up again; and that's just what I'm gonna do.