Changing Course

Feeling much better physically and mentally. 

I still occasionally have self-defeating thoughts, though. I overthink things. I'm constantly

examining and re-examining myself and my actions. I make assumptions about what others

think or will think about me and I base my self-worth on what I interpret that to be. 

Wow. I guess it sounds like I don't feel all that much better mentally after all.

Okay. I'm sitting here on a Monday morning. Fighting these demons. I can either give in to them, or I can work through them. 

What can I do today to change my course?

1. DIET - I need to eat a healthy, balanced, properly portioned diet; and not just because I recently had my gall bladder out. Research is now supporting what we've all suspected: maintaining a healthy diet helps maintain a healthy mind. 
2. EXERCISE - I cannot do strength or core training (e.g., yoga, Pilates) for a while, but I can get some oxygen in my blood and blood in my brain. 
3. SLEEP!! - I need to get about 8 hours of quality sleep, falling asleep in the dark without the TV on or iPhone in hand.
4. PRAYER/MEDITATION - There are mixed reviews in scientific literature about the link between prayer/meditation and mental health, but I believe it does work. When I have prayed regularly, I've been centered and less anxious.

"Rome wasn't built in a day", you know. I think I'll start small and gradually add on. First things first: sleep and diet. Then, later this week, add walking in the neighborhood for about twenty minutes and morning prayer and meditation.

I'll let you know how it goes.

_____________________

Here are some interesting reads if you want to know more:

DIET

PsychCentral: Healthy Food Can Improve Mental Health

EXERCISE

Craft, L. and Perna, F. The Benefits of Exercise for the Clinically Depressed. Primary Care Companion Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. 2004; 6(3): 104–111.

SLEEP

American Psychological Association: Why Sleep Is Important and What Happens When You Don't Get Enough

PRAYER/MEDITATION

PsychCentral: New Study Examines the Effects of Prayer on Mental Health

First Check-in

You have only just begun to discover your magnificence. This period of your life marks a New Beginning. You can feel it. And you have only just begun to know the treasure and the glory of You.

                                                                    - Neale Donald Walsch, Facebook post, 5/3/14


So I lied. I'm not going to update you once a week; I'm taking you along for the ride with me.

Crikey, this is going to be a loooong journey; but I'm ready to do it. I monitored my calorie intake today. (I know it's not on my mental wellness list of things to do, but it works for me. I'm very data-oriented at times.) I also drank eight glasses of water, ate protein- / carb-balanced meals, and got in my fruits and veggies. And I walked - about one mile. 

What was hardest today is something I hadn't taken into account. My doctor had been transitioning me off Effexor and onto Wellbutrin; and as of two days ago, I stopped the Effexor entirely. Since then, I have been feeling very...dizzy? Dizzy isn't quite the word...very zingy, like there are electric impulses that occasionally shudder through my head and body. It made walking tonight a challenge. I hope this passes quickly!

At any rate, I intend to repeat the process tomorrow. One day at a time!

Physical Wellness - Getting Back on Track

Me and my beautiful daughter Rachael - September '13

Okay folks. Along time ago, I posted about the things one should do to be well - physically. (See Wellness Part I - Physical.) Isn't it funny how good we are at giving out advice, but fail to do ourselves the very things we are advising!

I have been very good about taking my medication, pretty good about getting the sleep I need, and terrible about everything else. 

I recently saw a picture of myself, and I was heavier than I have ever been. Well, that is about to change. I intend to follow my own advice, and I want to take you along with me. Once a week, I'll share with you my struggles and my progress. 

Here are the things I will commit to (taken from the original post): 

1. Obviously, take medication (if any) as prescribed by your doctor; and don't deviate from it without your doctor's permission.
2. Take any supplements your doctor has recommended. For example, my GP has me taking Calcium w/vitamin D and a multi-vitamin; and my psychiatrist has added 2 - 3 fish oil capsules per day. I also temporarily take iron supplements, as I'm slightly anemic.
3. Get 7.5 - 8 hours sleep each night; and go to bed and wake up at the same time each day.
4. Drink about 2 liters of water per day - more if you are exercising hard, are on medication, and / or you are spending a lot of time in hot weather or dry climates.
5. Exercise 4 - 5 times per week employing the fitness triad: aerobic (e.g., walking, running, swimming, biking), strength training (e.g., free weights), and flexibility training (e.g., yoga, stretching). (Obviously again, check with your physician before starting any exercise program.) Aerobic exercise in particular releases feel-good endorphins in your brain, strength training builds body confidence and strength, and flexibility helps prevent injury and reduces stress.
6. Eat properly. It has been my personal experience that the following serve me best mentally {and physically}:

• Eat (5) portioned mini-meals per day, approximately every 2 - 3 hours. 
• Each meal should contain (1) lean protein portion, (1) complex carbohydrate portion, and at least one vegetable portion. Some example of portions: protein is the size of a deck of cards; a carb, the size of a light bulb or tennis ball; and a slice of cheese is the size of a domino. 
• Eat at least (5) vegetables and eat (4) fruits per day.
• Limit simple sugar (white bread, white rice,white pasta, bottled juice from store, table sugar, etc.)
• Limit butter and saturated fats. This is old news, I know; but it is true. Olive oil, olive oil, olive oil is good for the brain. Use it, damn it!
• Do not drink diet sodas and avoid sugar substitute. {The latter is my idea - I just don't trust 'em.}
• Limit caffeine and don't have caffeine after 2 or 3 PM. {As a chemical addict, this is the hardest of all for me!} Note that I didn't say eliminate, just limit. This is especially important for those suffering from anxiety.
• Do not drink alcohol - obvious for an alcoholic / drug addict, but critical too for someone with depression and anxiety - especially when on medication. 
• See http://www.choosemyplate.gov/, http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/coping-with-anxiety/AN01589, and http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/food-and-mood/my00716 for some more examples of proper eating.

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Today is the baseline day.  I weighed in at 180. Well, off I go to get started - see you next Saturday!

The Raging River

I woke up this morning with the image of a glass of garnet colored wine in my mind. I could taste it on my tongue; I could smell the earthy cork...

Then I caught myself. Even eight years into recovery, I occasionally get a reminder that the gremlin is still alive and well deep inside me, just waiting for me to slip up. Just one drop on the tongue and the ground beneath me could crumble. 

Well, relapse isn't quite that simple. It comes much earlier than the actual drink, pill, shot, or smoke. Relapse begins when we fail to attend to our recovery on a daily basis.

My recovery counselor said that we are always relapsing; and he shared a great metaphor with us: Envision a raging river leading up to a waterfall. The river is the power of our addiction; and in order to maintain recovery, we must always be rowing upstream. The moment we stop, we slip closer to the waterfall. The waterfall, however, is the act of drinking, e.g., though, and not the relapse. The relapse occurs much earlier - somewhere in the rapids. The question we must always ask ourselves is how close are we to the edge. If we are too close, we better start rowing!

What do we do to row and get further upstream? Here are some ideas:

• Go to a meeting (AA, NA, GA, any support group)
• Tell someone who understands and is familiar with your addiction. Heck, if you have no one, contact me! pink.hi.tops@gmail.com  I'd be happy to chat with you!!
• Get that bloody 8 hours of sleep a night!!! 
• Limit the simple sugars in your diet. Eat a protein- / complex carb-balanced diet which includes lots of vegetables and fruits.
• Drink half your body weight (pounds) in ounces of water.
• Exercise - especially aerobic (e.g., running, walking, Zumba, aerobics, cycling).
• Pour yourself into a hobby.
• Read something inspiring.
• Laugh! Watch a comedy (preferably not Cheech and Chong's Up in Smoke...)
• Get out into nature: Touch and feel the bark on a tree! Smell a flower! Look at the beautiful waterfalls and feel the spray on your face. Listen to the sounds of the waves crashing on the shore and the seagulls screeching above. Look up into the night sky and count the number of satellites you see. You get the picture...
• Connect with an animal. Dogs, cats, horses, and other pets are wonderful therapists!
• Now that I think about it, connect with your therapist; and if you don't have one, get one.

So now that I've had that dream, where am I on the river? How close am I to the falls? Which of the above am I going to do today to keep myself rowing?