I've been off line for a few months now - focused on a family member's critical illness among other crises. I've missed blogging. I've wanted to share my feelings about it all, but haven't quite known how to address the topic while maintaining people's anonymity. For now, suffice it to say that together, my family, friends, and I are walking a difficult path toward our loved one's recovery.
On the positive side, as can always be the case when one confronts major life challenges, my character, perspective, and priorities are being carved and refined once again. I continue to learn so much more about life and about myself, and I'm growing closer to family and friends.
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The most powerful weapon on earth is the human soul on fire.
- Ferdinand Foch
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Today in my journal, I reflected, "So often, the problem for me in any given issue/problem/crisis is that I don't fully engage myself and my intuition and talents in the decision-making, management, and resolution. If I were engaged - wasn't so people-pleasing, running away from conflict, down-playing myself, playing dumb and absent-minded, deflecting with humor, etc. - many problems could be resolved; and I'd be stronger and more self-assured."
As you probably know, I loathe conflict, don't trust myself, and doubt my abilities. Subsequently, I end up going with the flow, waiting for someone to rescue me, and following the direction of those who are more vocal and assertive.
But, I don't have the time or patience with myself to continue operating like this any more. As I previously said, my priorities have shifted; and of course, life is too damn short! So, how am I going to work through this, assert myself, contribute, and shine? This is my challenge at the moment; and I'll take you with me in the coming weeks as I figure out how!
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| Taken summer 2015., but currently under 3 feet of snow! |
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