{im}perfectly PINTERESTing

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life...have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."                                                    - Steve Jobs

I turned 50 last October, and as you know, shortly after, I lost my youngest brother to brain cancer. Like a carefree bird at full speed, I flew smack into the cold glass of reality - a window of hope having just slammed shut. No longer an esoteric thought, I finally saw and felt "Life's brief candle" flickering.

Over the decades, I've become complacent. It's easy to do, you know. So many of us let the passions and dreams of youth slip out of our fingers and sail away behind us. We settle down and settle in. We aspire to fit the mold of the perfect mother or father - the perfect bread winner, spouse, or lover. We deplete our resources and ourselves trying to meet up to standards set by the invisible "them".

In the last several years, the internet has become a powerful resource in my never-ending quest for perfection. Enter Pinterest: my internet porn and, at times, self-esteem leech.

Millions of "hacks" using baking soda, vinegar, and toothpaste for all kinds of household fixeroos. Pictures of pristine, cozy kitchens in white with turquoise tools and stainless appliances. Tutorials for sexy hair, age-reversing make-up, wardrobe tweaks, and exercise tips promising transformation from frowning frump to 21st Century, June Cleaver-Jane Mansfield Fox. A flicker of hope for the weary working woman or stay at home mom who tries to be everything to everyone, but ends up exhausted and worn.

Don't get me wrong, Pinterest's a wonderful, powerful tool. An endless depot of collective ideas and inspiration, it can help us make life easier, richer, and more fun. In the hands of an easily-depressed, attention-impaired, 24-hour-a-day-stimulus-seeking addict like me, though, it can have the reverse effect.

Contrary to popular belief (ha-ha)...I'm not perfect. While this fuels my initiative and inspires my goal-setting, it's also led to procrastination, and pushed me over the edge more than once into the Vortex. Take blogging, for instance. Even though I've been blogging for almost five years now, in the last two, I've poured over countless "Pins" listing tips for blogging success. Always afraid of failure, though, I've been waiting for the perfect time to dive back in - waiting to get the new blog website up and running and, well, perfect. Waiting to craft the perfect masthead and design, and to outline a precise map of topics before continuing where I left off.

Now on the cusp of...gulp...51, Life's brief candle may indeed be slowly waning, but damn it, I've decided I'm going to crackle, blaze, and roar before I'm through! I'm ditching the self-repression of Them-pleasing and freeing the bound and gagged, long-lost ME. I'm going to do what I love - get back to blogging, rekindle old fires, and explore much, much more! (It's not called Pink Hi-Top ADVENTURES for nothing, you know.)

Yes, the new website will come; and yes, I'll checkout Pinterest, etc. for creative and technical ideas to get there. In the meantime, however, I'm back and I'll give you the best I've got.

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12/17/2017
Reading back over this and other posts just now, I noticed something. When I have a problem or emotional crisis, and I blog about it, somewhere in the last two paragraphs I have an epiphany. My outlook does a 180, hope returns, and I'm charged enough to get back on the path.

ANTI-DEPRESSION TOOL: If your outlook is bleak right now, write it out, draw it out, GET IT OUT of your head and onto paper (or screen). 

[Now there's a reason to start blogging again...and, oh crap! I already said, "I'm back..." I better get out of this post and into a new one. NOW!]

Growth

I am soooo dog tired today! My asthma flared up, and I think I have a summer cold. I want my Mommy...

In between snoozes, my fuzzy brain has been contemplating that Eleanor Roosevelt quote again: Do something that scares you everyday.

It stinks that real growth comes with a little pain; but the truth is, if growth didn't come with a price, we wouldn't cherish the rewards nearly so much.

So, what am I going to do next to exit my comfort zone and grow a little? 

What are you going to do?

Finding My "Thing"

I am suffering from writer's block...

I'm completely exhausted. I got less than 4 hours sleep last night. I went to bed too late, then got up in the wee hours of the morning to cheer on my husband in the Cherry Blossom 10-Mile Run in Washington, DC. Race time was 7:30 AM.

Smithsonian Castle on the National Mall,
Washington, DC - 8:45 AM EDT
Awaiting my 10-miler's return!

I love going to his races to support him. I love supporting my daughters as well in their sporting events and performances. But lately I have also been wondering, what is it that I do? 

Somewhere along the line I lost touch with who I am. Some of these feelings are typical for a woman my age {46.5}, but I know much of it too is the residue of depression. Over the years, as my soul slowly leached out of me, with it went hobbies and the things I enjoy doing. And as an alcoholic, these things became replaced with a garnet potion.

Now that I am sober, and on the mend - rediscovering life around me and rediscovering me - I find myself asking: What is my thing? What is it that I like doing? I did start blogging in the new year, and I like it a lot; but what else? I have limited free-time between work and school, but surely there is some activity that can add to my joy. Finding out is going to be my next mission!

Believe You Can

or..he believed he could so he did! ;)

I have a short paper, a part of another paper, and a mid-term due this week, and I am having trouble settling down to work on them. It's not like these are classes I hate, in fact, I love them. But I seem to have myself psyched into thinking that I will hate working on them - that it will only be drudgery...when in reality...

I think I am really going to enjoy this learning experience...and I will be proud of my achievement when completed...Okay, that's it - I'm off to go work on it!

Challenge of the day: work on something important that you have been putting off - and see how you feel afterwards.

Got it? Okay, let's go!

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3/24/13

So, how did it go with the studying yesterday? Take a look and see for yourself:

Then finally...

my husband snuck this shot of me

...progress not perfection! I got away from the distraction {my laptop}, changed scenery, and voila! The reading flowed!

You see, you first have to believe that you can do it, but know that when you start to do it, obstacles will come your way - and yes, often the obstacle is YOU. Believe in yourself; set a goal; start the work; and when you get stuck, change your approach and course correct. That is the recipe for success.

HAPPY Isnin, Lundi, Lunedi, Lunes, Luni, Monday, Montag, poniedziałek, segunda-feira, دوشنبه , понедельник, يوم الاثنين , 星期一 ... !

Whatever challenges, trials, joys, and adventures await you today, learn something, stretch, and grow. Create your future with your thoughts and actions today!

Good Things Come...

It feels good, really good when the grip of depression and anxiety begins to release through treatment and recovery. The high one gets from having the soul reanimate one's body and mind is exquisite, but it apparently precedes a slight dip in the road when one discovers that real work still lies ahead.

I think that is where I am now. I have made great strides in overcoming social anxiety and depression, but if I want to take my life to the next level of growth, I will have to work...and I think it scares me a bit. Lately, I find myself procrastinating college coursework in particular.

What have you been procrastinating? What is stopping you from progressing to the next level of growth in your life? Whatever it is, commit to doing just one small thing toward that goal and see what happens.

I commit to doing one unit of Pre-Calculus tomorrow. What will you do? {Feel free to comment with your answer if you are feeling bold!}