Saturday, April 18, 2015


I periodically post this for new readers. If you've already heard this spiel, you may want to go check your news feed again, or search for funny videos of cats. But do stop by again soon!

For those of you who are new to this blog, here's an overview.


Pink Hi-Top Adventures is my first blog ever. I started it back in January 2013 as a chronicle of my ongoing recovery from depression, anxiety, and alcoholism. 

About 9.5 years ago, I entered treatment for alcohol addiction. At the time, I thought it would resolve my issues and help me move forward in life; however, it only drained the pond and uncovered the disease lurking at the bottom.

I had been anxious and depressed but functioning for years, and about two years ago, I totally imploded. I spent three weeks in bed - unable to work, unable to shower, unable to function. My thoughts were turning darker too. I fantasized about death and hurting myself; and for the first time ever, it felt comforting and logical.

When I shared this with my {wonderful!} husband, he reached out to my therapist; and I was admitted to a partial hospitalization treatment program {PHP} immediately. There I was diagnosed with major depression, dysthymia {long-term, low-grade depression}, and generalized anxiety disorder. Fortunately, I was treated by wonderful doctors and therapists; and, though I've experienced periodic set-backs along the way, I've been doing better overall since.

This blog is a chronicle of my continuous recovery and progress toward achieving my goals - one of which is graduating from college with a psychology degree. {I've been in college on and off since September 1984; and finally graduating is quite the achievement for me!} I also hope to inspire and inform you, dear reader, with personal stories, resources, and a little humor!

The blog title is inspired by my favorite pair of Converse Chuck Taylor’s that I wore in my youth - when I last felt happy and free.

And finally, Pink Hi-Top Adventures is a place for you too. Please feel free to comment and discuss - either in the comments section of this blog, or on the blog's Facebook page!

Thanks for reading!


Here is an index of some of my favorite posts:


One Step at a Time (9/28/13)


The Anonymous People (9/14/14)
The Raging River (3/13/14)
Thoughts from my addiction (2/27/13)
Alcoholic or problem drinker? (3/14/13)
How do you help and addict (6/19/13)
Take me out to the ballgame! (8/12/13)


Carousel in the Crazy House (4/12/15)
Thoughts (7/7/14)
Obstacles (5/22/13)
Social Anxiety (5/29/13)


Depression (10/7/14)
Depression Sucks! (11/24/13)
Symptoms of Depression (10/28/13)
Notes from the Vortex (2/11/13)
Life (3/7/13)
Lifeline (3/8/13)
Grey veil...again?! (3/16/13)
Overcoming...inertia! (3/19/13)
Can't sleep (4/23/13)
Do the next right thing - part II (4/25/13)
The daily struggle (6/6/13)
Taking down the wall (6/7/13)
Contained emotions (6/13/13)


Schizophrenia (10/9/14)


It IS an Illness (10/7/14)
Medication Stigma (4/29/14)
"Nervous breakdown" (3/6/13)
Depression is not a character defect (3/27/13)


Renew and Refresh (4/5/15)

New Hobby (10/3/14)
CBT (6/29/14)
Physical Wellness - Getting Back on Track (5/3/14)
Pet Therapy (3/24/14)
Coming Out! (3/14/14)
The 7 Habits of Mental Wellness (about Stephen Covey's, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People):
 - Introduction to (1/25/14)
 - Habit 1: Be Proactive (2/2/14)
 - Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind (2/12/14)
 - Habit 3: Put First Things First (6/23/14)
Trip to Roanoke, Virginia:
 - Rain Clouds (10/12/13)
 - Roanoke (10/12/13)
 - Heading Home (10/14/13)
Never underestimate your own power! (2/26/13)
Acceptance (3/1/13)
Recovery step #2: sleep, damn it! (3/5/13)
Rebirth (3/30/13)
Wellness part I: physical (4/26/13)
Change is possible part II (6/27/13)
Seven steps to mental health (8/2/13)
Take me out to the ballgame! (8/12/13)
Climbing back up (8/18/13)

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Carousel in the Crazy House

Christian Ortiz, 2011

It's been two and a half years since I was partially hospitalized for depression and anxiety, and I'm still battling cognitive distortions and negative thinking everyday. It seems I was born with an internal radar system which, in the event that things are going well, will scan the horizon, home in and hyperfocus on the nearest negative thing.

Over the past few days, I've been thinking about this a lot, and about how our thoughts shape our experiences, in this moment and in the future. But it is so hard to catch myself when the negative filtering begins. It comes so naturally to me.

And it isn't just negative thinking that stops me up. I just spend way too much time in my head. Socrates said that "the unexamined life is not worth living", but I think the over-examined leads to insanity. Many people go through life blindly, on a self-made treadmill, letting things happen to them without considering why or the endless possibilities that exist for change. I, on the other hand, obsess over the "why" and the endless possibilities for growth and self-actualization - so much so, that I struggle to get started. I'm on a mental merry-go-round, waiting for the perfect moment to get off and move forward. But that moment never arrives.