Favorites

I periodically post this for new readers. If you've already heard this spiel, you may want to go check your news feed again, or search for funny videos of cats. But do stop by again soon!

For those of you who are new to this blog, here's an overview.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pink Hi-Top Adventures is my first blog ever. I started it back in January 2013 as a chronicle of my ongoing recovery from depression, anxiety, and alcoholism. 

About 9.5 years ago, I entered treatment for alcohol addiction. At the time, I thought it would resolve my issues and help me move forward in life; however, it only drained the pond and uncovered the disease lurking at the bottom.

I had been anxious and depressed but functioning for years, and about two years ago, I totally imploded. I spent three weeks in bed - unable to work, unable to shower, unable to function. My thoughts were turning darker too. I fantasized about death and hurting myself; and for the first time ever, it felt comforting and logical.

When I shared this with my {wonderful!} husband, he reached out to my therapist; and I was admitted to a partial hospitalization treatment program {PHP} immediately. There I was diagnosed with major depression, dysthymia {long-term, low-grade depression}, and generalized anxiety disorder. Fortunately, I was treated by wonderful doctors and therapists; and, though I've experienced periodic set-backs along the way, I've been doing better overall since.

This blog is a chronicle of my continuous recovery and progress toward achieving my goals - one of which is graduating from college with a psychology degree. {I've been in college on and off since September 1984; and finally graduating is quite the achievement for me!} I also hope to inspire and inform you, dear reader, with personal stories, resources, and a little humor!

The blog title is inspired by my favorite pair of Converse Chuck Taylor’s that I wore in my youth - when I last felt happy and free.

And finally, Pink Hi-Top Adventures is a place for you too. Please feel free to comment and discuss - either in the comments section of this blog, or on the blog's Facebook page!

Thanks for reading!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is an index of some of my favorite posts:

ADD:

One Step at a Time (9/28/13)


Addiction:

The Anonymous People (9/14/14)
The Raging River (3/13/14)
Thoughts from my addiction (2/27/13)
Alcoholic or problem drinker? (3/14/13)
How do you help and addict (6/19/13)
Take me out to the ballgame! (8/12/13)


Anxiety:

Carousel in the Crazy House (4/12/15)
Thoughts (7/7/14)
Obstacles (5/22/13)
Social Anxiety (5/29/13)



Depression:

Depression (10/7/14)
Depression Sucks! (11/24/13)
Symptoms of Depression (10/28/13)
Notes from the Vortex (2/11/13)
Life (3/7/13)
Lifeline (3/8/13)
Grey veil...again?! (3/16/13)
Overcoming...inertia! (3/19/13)
Can't sleep (4/23/13)
Do the next right thing - part II (4/25/13)
The daily struggle (6/6/13)
Taking down the wall (6/7/13)
Contained emotions (6/13/13)



Schizophrenia:

Schizophrenia (10/9/14)


Stigma:

It IS an Illness (10/7/14)
Medication Stigma (4/29/14)
"Nervous breakdown" (3/6/13)
Depression is not a character defect (3/27/13)



Wellness:

Renew and Refresh (4/5/15)
New Hobby (10/3/14)
CBT (6/29/14)
Physical Wellness - Getting Back on Track (5/3/14)
Pet Therapy (3/24/14)
Coming Out! (3/14/14)
The 7 Habits of Mental Wellness (about Stephen Covey's, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People):
 - Introduction to (1/25/14)
 - Habit 1: Be Proactive (2/2/14)
 - Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind (2/12/14)
 - Habit 3: Put First Things First (6/23/14)
Trip to Roanoke, Virginia:
 - Rain Clouds (10/12/13)
 - Roanoke (10/12/13)
 - Heading Home (10/14/13)
Never underestimate your own power! (2/26/13)
Acceptance (3/1/13)
Recovery step #2: sleep, damn it! (3/5/13)
Rebirth (3/30/13)
Wellness part I: physical (4/26/13)
Change is possible part II (6/27/13)
Seven steps to mental health (8/2/13)
Take me out to the ballgame! (8/12/13)
Climbing back up (8/18/13)

Carousel in the Crazy House

Christian Ortiz, 2011

It's been two and a half years since I was partially hospitalized for depression and anxiety, and I'm still battling cognitive distortions and negative thinking everyday. It seems I was born with an internal radar system which, in the event that things are going well, will scan the horizon, home in and hyperfocus on the nearest negative thing.

Over the past few days, I've been thinking about this a lot, and about how our thoughts shape our experiences, in this moment and in the future. But it is so hard to catch myself when the negative filtering begins. It comes so naturally to me.

And it isn't just negative thinking that stops me up. I just spend way too much time in my head. Socrates said that "the unexamined life is not worth living", but I think the over-examined leads to insanity. Many people go through life blindly, on a self-made treadmill, letting things happen to them without considering why or the endless possibilities that exist for change. I, on the other hand, obsess over the "why" and the endless possibilities for growth and self-actualization - so much so, that I struggle to get started. I'm on a mental merry-go-round, waiting for the perfect moment to get off and move forward. But that moment never arrives.

Renew and Refresh!

Happy Easter!

Easter and Springtime in general is a time of renewal and rebirth. It's the blooming of new life from what was once dormant and dead. 

A refresh and rebirth is exactly what I need. I tend to get so very stuck mentally - obsessing over and replaying negative thoughts, past events, and anxieties about the future. I obsess too about getting everything "right" and being perfect. One mistake, and my confidence is knocked down yet one more level. (Quite frankly, perfectionism and fear of mistakes are the real reasons I haven't been blogging for the past several months.)

What can I do today to renew and refresh my spirit? 

Today, as I reflect on Easter and the renewal of spirit, I'm trying to let go of these negative mental exercises and let go of the need to control outcomes. Alcoholics Anonymous speaks of "letting go" and taking life "one day at a time", and that's exactly where I'll start. 

I'm sure you've heard all of this before, but it's true. Life is made up of millions of small moments. Moments that contain beauty, joy, pain, sorrow, and laughter. Moments to be savored and experienced just as they are. Moments that will change our hearts and help us grow if we let them. Unfortunately, these little experiences that make up the mosaics of our lives can pass us by unnoticed like ghosts. If we spend our time and energy focused on the past or future, we are left feeling lonely, empty, disillusioned, and scared.

Renewal and rebirth starts only in the Now. LIFE itself is the Now. Log off right NOW and go experience Life!

Happy Easter / Happy Spring!

My Own Worst Enemy

Boy, so much for back and blogging again...

I don't know what is wrong with me lately. I can't seem to get the creative juices flowing. In an effort to try to jump start things, I'm blogging today anyway.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, good things are starting to happen in my life with career and school. I may have a job, granted, as an Executive Assistant in an unrelated field, but a great job nonetheless. I've also been given some fantastic leadership opportunities in my professional association which are quite an honor.

So why do I feel so damn unworthy? Why do I feel like an undeserving fraud? Why can I not let good things come my way, let myself succeed, be grateful, and enjoy it?!

You know, I'm absolutely terrified of flying. From the airport check-in on, I feel like I'm going to throw up. I'm always certain that mine is the flight that will go down. Even though I know the safety statistics and have flown many times, I'm afraid that if I sit back, relax, and enjoy it all, that is precisely when the plane will crash. My psyche becomes a sacrificial virgin to the god of flight.

So too am I afraid that if I do become happy, successful, and enjoy life, that is precisely when it'll all hit the fan: the house fire, the death of a loved one, the fatal diagnosis, or all out nuclear war...

Will I ever just let myself be happy?

It's "Start Again Sunday"

Okay, dear friends. Sorry that I failed to come through on posting this week. I really have been having trouble swimming against the current of anxiety and depression lately; and I probably shouldn't make any promises or plans right now.

You know, sometimes when you're stuck in that grey Vortex, you have to take one step - one baby step - and do just one positive thing to help turn the tide. That one thing for me today is blogging - even if I haven't had anything profound to say.

Thanks for listening!

New Year

Happy {belated} 2015! 

It's been about four months since you last heard from me. {I think I needed to press the "reset" button.} In that time, I made it through yet another holiday season sober; I had a few relapses of depression with subsequent medication changes; I switched to a plant-based diet (giving up meat and dairy entirely); I completed my associate degree in psychology; and I continued to work on my substance abuse counseling certificate.

So now that I'm back and ready to blog again, here's the plan:

• Each week on PHTA, I will blog about my continuous "adventures" in recovery and will share with you information and resources about mental illness and substance abuse. 

• In addition, this year, PHTA will also feature Wellness Wednesdays - a weekly post with information, ideas, and resources for maintaining wellness - whether you suffer from mental illness or not.

• And finally, I encourage you, dear reader, to submit topic suggestions for PHTA posts - either in the comments below, on Facebook (Pink Hi-Top Adventures), or by email at pink.hi.tops@gmail.com.

Have a great week and a healthy and happy 2015!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ABOUT THIS BLOG:

In 2005, I entered substance abuse treatment for alcohol addiction. My last drink was November 18th of that year, and I've been sober since. Though my life changed for the better as recovery progressed, sobering up was really only the beginning. It drained the pool to expose the disorders that lay beneath.

In August 2012, I was diagnosed with major depression. I was also diagnosed with dysthymia {long-term, low-grade depression} and anxiety disorder. In September of that year, I checked into partial hospitalization mental health care, and was fortunate enough to be treated by very caring and enlightened doctors. Since then, I've been emerging from the grey veil of depression, anxiety, and addiction that shrouded my self-awareness for over four decades. {I’m 48 now.}

This blog is a chronicle of my continuous recovery and progress toward achieving my goals. With it, I hope to inspire and inform those suffering from depression, anxiety, and addiction with personal stories, resources, and a little humor!

The blog title is inspired by my favorite pair of Converse Chuck Taylor's that I wore when I felt my happiest and freest. They were pink; thus the title. 

Interesting to note: when I was depressed (before treatment), I tended to wear only black, white, and / or grey clothing. Now I find I love color - lots of different colors - especially pink. To me, pink represents innocence, fun, and lightheartedness - something I am now experiencing in recovery.

The "Adventures" part of the title is the part of the blog in which I will chronicle my new adventures with a recovering brain. 

So that's it: the why of the title, pink hi-top adventures! 

If you have any ideas for posts that you would like to see, feel free to post them here on the blog or on the Facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pink-Hi-Top-Adventures/411429458973219?ref=hl), or email me at pink.hi.tops@gmail.com.

Stay Tuned!

Sabbatical is over. March 1st, Pink Hi Top Adventures is back in action!